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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / Body image issues don’t just affect bigger people

Body image issues don’t just affect bigger people

June 25, 2018 by Molly 7 Comments

body confidence as a mum

I’m a size 12 and weigh ten stone and five pounds (I know this because I just weighed myself for the first time in six months). This means I am two dress sizes smaller and a stone lighter than the average UK woman. I am also three dress sizes larger and at least a couple of stone heavier than the average UK model. I’m not curvy but I’m not willowy thin – my body doesn’t “fit” anywhere. But this doesn’t mean I can’t talk about body confidence.

I’ve never been discriminated against because of my size, never had to put up with disgusting abuse because of the shape of my body, never been made to sit on a different seat on the bus or a plane. And for this, I am well aware of my privilege.

I have, however, suffered moments of crippling self doubt and self hate, often triggered by feelings about my body. And this is why I’m going to continue to talk about body confidence and unpick ideas about body image and what they mean to me, despite not being a bigger woman and having been lucky enough to never have suffered abuse for my size.

The body positive movement is an important one fighting to free marginalised bodies and battle fatphobia (Megan at Bodyposipanda writes beautifully on this). I’m fully aware that the shape of my body does not put me in this group of oppressed people. But I also feel that messages of body acceptance, body confidence and self love should not be confined to any one body shape. 

I know larger women who’ve been discriminated against because of their size and I know smaller women who’ve battled eating disorders born from a hatred of their body. I know women who’ve had real relationship problems because of their feelings about their own naked bodies and I know women who’ve never taken their kids swimming because they can’t face the idea of being in a swimming cozzie in public. All of these women range from sizes 8 to 24.

The UK teen girl population has one of the lowest levels of body image in the world, with only 39% of our teen girls having high body esteem according to the 2017 Dove Global Girls Beauty and Confidence Report. If you surveyed these girls’ mums I’m sure the figure would be even lower. We have a bad relationship with our bodies here in the UK, and it’s not helped by the constant images we see of one type of body in magazines, on TV (Love Island, anyone?) and social media.

And this is why, as much as I loved the amazingly written article by Laura Jane Williams in Red Magazine on body image, I disagreed with some of it. Laura writes that “the only way to empower myself, and to also empower the women around me to accept their bodies in whatever shape and size they come in, is to remove discussion around them full stop.”

Laura argues that, “to analyse and dissect our appearance continues to fuel the idea that bodies exist to be analyzed and dissected – no matter how positively we try to do it”. I can see this, yet I feel like the alternative – to stop talking about the subject at all – is not the solution.

I agree that our society is far too focused on appearance. And I hate that “Ooh have you lost weight?” is seen as the ultimate compliment. But I think we do need to keep talking about body image, self love, body acceptance and sharing photos of our normal bodies in all shapes and sizes in order to normalise the idea that we are all different and no one shaped body is better or worse than another.  Staying silent on this subject could push us into a place where the next body image survey shows an even lower number of UK girls with high body esteem.

I feel strongly about this stuff as a mum of girls but I also recognise that body image issues are not confined to one gender. I know men with body confidence dilemmas that are holding them back from enjoying life, meeting people and doing regular stuff like going on holiday with their friends and families. Body confidence is a human-wide subject.

For me, body confidence is not about losing a stone and putting a photo of yourself on Instagram with the caption “I feel amazing, I’ve lost a stone, I can finally wear a bikini! #bodyconfident”. If that’s you then all power to you, but it’s not my take on the subject because, for me, it’s not about loving your body AFTER you’ve lost weight or feeling good about yourself AFTER you’ve “corrected” a so-called “flaw”. It’s about accepting – and, hopefully ultimately loving – your body as it is RIGHT NOW.

That’s not so say you’ll love it every second of every day and it’s not to say you won’t want to change something about it at some point. But wouldn’t be it brilliant to get to a place where we all felt truly comfortable and confident in our own skin, without looking in the mirror and seeing all the things we want to change about ourselves?

I have so much more to say on this subject but for now I wanted to pop in and say HI! I’m back! Now I’m back from my work trip abroad I’ll be posting regularly again and, if you saw my little update video on YouTube or follow me on Instagram, you’ll know body image, confidence and self love are all things that are likely to make an appearance in my content from now on.

For now, I’ll leave you with a big old internet hug, a smile that reaches my eyes (laughter lines for the win) and an attitude that says you are worthy of love and acceptance WHATEVER your body size.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: body awareness, body confidence, body image, body shape, mum bodies

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Comments

  1. Stevie - A Cornish Mum says

    June 28, 2018 at 1:03 pm

    I have been a whole range of sizes over the years and all the sizes have had one thing in common I have always wanted to be smaller… even when I was pretty teeny. I’ve always wanted to be something other than what I am and it really is so damaging to your mental well being and it does drag you down. You can definitely hate your body when you’re a small size or a large size the same as you can love your body no matter what size you are.

    It isn’t down to being an acceptable size or looking an acceptable way for someone else, it is all about accepting yourself and being happy with who and how you are without feeling like you don’t deserve or want to wear a particular thing because you’ll look awful or people might judge you.

    I am so much happier these days with who I am, am I skinny and have my looks changed drastically?… hell no, but the way I think about myself has and the way I treat myself has. I am done dieting and pretty much punishing myself for not being perfect. I’m trying to eat better and exercise more, but for my health and myself not to look a certain way or drop a dress size.

    Thanks to your posts on Instagram lately and other posts from others on a similar theme, they gave me an extra nudge and I have actually gotten my legs out today and I feel so much more comfortable temperature wise and I just don’t care what other people think at all.

    Stevie x

    Reply
  2. Morgana says

    June 27, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    Yes, Molly! I loathe that the go to compliment is ‘You look like you’ve lost weight’ but I’ll admit it’s taken me to the age of 30 something to recognise how damaging and insidious it is. It’s an ongoing process for me personally to deconstruct my body image issues and question and consider the influences I allow to dictate to me. I can often be happy in my own skin, but give me an afternoon with a group of women discussing diets, the gym and parts of their body they are ‘working on’ and I soon revert to my teenage self conscious persona and wonder whether this is what I should be doing too! x

    Reply
  3. Alison says

    June 25, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    Love this post. I had mixed feelings about the Red piece too. On one hand, it would be great if this conversation wasn’t needed, and as someone who doesn’t talk about diets or ‘being fat’ or anything negative body-wise around my daughter, I see the value in removing something from day to day conversation to help shape positive thoughts. But on the other hand…. are we at risk of sweeping it under the carpet? Forcing those conversations to be whispered because they’re taboo?
    I’m a size 14-18 depending on where I’m shopping and, like you, I’ve never been abused because of my body shape (well, as an adult anyway) but I have had so many issues with my body over the years – real, proper, ruin your day/week/month, suck the joy out of life issues. I’ve found the recent conversations around body confidence have helped me hugely and I think it’s important to keep having those conversations – and hearing from women of all shapes and sizes.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 25, 2018 at 5:54 pm

      Totally. I think it’s very easy to dismiss negative body image feelings that can completely ruin people’s lives by saying, “Well what would you know about it, you’re a size XXX” which is really damaging. Because then you get people who are too scared to talk about their real feelings for fear of offending others who might not have the same shape. But obviously I’m well aware that I don’t want my voice to drown out others’ on the internet who’ve suffered real abuse and been marginalised because of the shape of their body. For what it’s worth, I’m happier with my body now than I ever have been and I’m probably bigger and saggier and wobblier than I’ve ever been. For me, it’s been about a change of mindset rather than a change of body. x

      Reply
  4. Sally says

    June 25, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    I think it would be unbelievably great if we could accept that for some women the conversation that needs to be had is probably something like, “Why is my perception of my body so negative?” And that’s a conversation about confidence and social values and norms and it’s important and valuable. The massive lack of confidence many women feel after childbirth in particular, is a pernicious and sad thing.

    It would be equally (and perhaps even more) great if we could accept and understand that this isn’t the same conversation as body positivity and the harm that conflating those two issues can do – not just on a larger scale of how society views and talks about body positivity and marginalised bodies, but also on a smaller, human scale of how it hurts owners of marginalised bodies to see their rallying cry taken over by people who’ve never walked a mile in their shoes.

    I posted something on Twitter recently about diversity and I think that applies here – in saying it’s important for a marginalised voice to be heard, and we should be making that easier by amplifying those voices, nobody is suggesting everyone else shouldn’t talk as well.

    It’s just about allowing someone else not to be drowned out by the fact that certain voices find it easier to be the loudest and most visible. And those are typically voices owned by white, middle class, straight, cis-gender people in average sized bodies. A lot of us in social media have an enormous amount of privilege in oh so many ways – and recognising that doesn’t mean ignoring the things we still find challenging, or asking for support in overcoming those challenges.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 25, 2018 at 5:18 pm

      I completely agree Sally. x

      Reply
    • Alison Perry says

      June 25, 2018 at 5:53 pm

      I think you’re spot on, Sally, with us asking why so many feel the way they do. I also think it’s worth saying that it’s OK for someone to NOT feel confident about their body. It’s not some sign of failure if, despite all of the positive messages out there, they still feel crap about how they look. And I agree with your diversity comment. I think it’s important for everyone to be welcomed into a conversation about diversity, as long as they’re prepared to listen and learn (which I know Molly is) and it’s counter-productive to tell someone they can’t be part of a conversation because they are white/slim/straight/middle-class.

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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I am not “bossing” it. Or “slaying”. Or “hustling”. Or “smashing” it. I’m not even juggling or spinning plates or doing any of the other words we use as a glossy, marketable, Instagram friendly way to package up burnout culture, under the guise of “empowering” women (💪🤢). 
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What I have been doing, though, is working too hard. Call a spade a spade. I’ve been working too hard, neglecting my health, my relationships, my life away from my laptop. I can not be everything to everyone AND work at the level I’ve been working at BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN BEING. And you are too. We are not robots.
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I care deeply about all my work, and things aren’t always this intense, but I wanted to sprinkle some reality into the Gram because I am so over this lie that *any* type of success or achievement doesn’t come at a cost, or involve many failures in the background, or require many other people to help make things happen. 
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I guess what I’m saying is, let’s be real about all that, as well as showing the achievements. I’m bloody proud of my book. And I’m so excited to launch the social enterprise @bodyhappyorg properly next month. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, and that there isn’t a price. 
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And with that, I’m taking the weekend off. See you on the other side 🥰🥰🥰
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[Image description: Molly sits in her office with her hands covering her mouth. On the back of one hand is written “Not bossing it”. She is wearing a pink boiler suit with a black and white top underneath. She has pink leopard print earrings on and her hair is tied back.]
This was taken at the start of half term, when the This was taken at the start of half term, when the kids were still enthusiastic about going for a walk. 1,705 walks around the same bit of countryside later... not so much 😬 
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If you’re struggling to get your kids motivated to move their body at the moment, go gentle. You’re not alone. Bad weather coupled with boredom coupled with the lure of screens is a heady recipe for lethargy - and that’s just me! 
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Seriously though, remember: all movement is valid. Even if it’s just a ten minute @cosmickids sesh or a little kitchen disco, it all counts. And if it comes from a place of enjoyment and fun, kids (and adults!) are going to be far more likely to want to get involved.
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What joyful movement activities are your kids enjoying right now (if any?!)?
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters are standing in a field. They’re wearing colourful wellies, holding hands and smiling.]
I founded a social enterprise 😵 . Introducing: I founded a social enterprise 😵
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Introducing: @bodyhappyorg 🎉
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We are a Community Interest Company dedicated to promoting positive body image in children. We help adults help the kids in their care be friends with their bodies 🥰. 
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Through workshops and classes, digital and physical resources (both free and paid) we help parents, carers, teachers, youth leaders - and any adults who are ever around children - create body happy settings for kids to thrive in. 
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We launch officially next month with a beautiful new website and lots of resources which we’ll continually be adding to. In the meantime give us a follow at @bodyhappyorg - we start posting from today and our page has been designed as a free resource on its own! 
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I’m privileged to work alongside an incredible team of people on this. Shout-out to the original dream team @chelseacoxstrategist @amysnellingpt @effinitupfaye @lottie_storey @bodyconfidencecards_db @rachel_hobnobs & @aceandping 💕 LOVE YOU ALL! 💕
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[Image description: A blue square with yellow and white text which reads “the body happy org”. This is the logo for The Body Happy Organisation CIC]
Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-sta Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-stained hoodie and tracksuit bottoms at least once in the past month 😐
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[Image description: Molly is wearing pink dungarees with yellow buttons over a black rollneck long-sleeved top. She has a monochrome striped hairband on and her hair is pink. She is also wearing earrings with boobs on them. She looks very pleased, both with her earrings, the pink hair and the fact she’s not wearing sleepwear, for a change.]
A new report from the Education Policy Institute h A new report from the Education Policy Institute has concluded an obvious gender divide in the well-being of young adults. If you’d like to read more check out this article by Eleanor Peake in @newstatesman (I’ve linked to it in my Stories).
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Every week I get messages from parents and teachers concerned about the impact of social media on their kids’ body image. And of course, I couldn’t write a book about body image in kids and teens without covering social media - there’s a whole chapter in Body Happy Kids dedicated to the subject. 
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The thing is, social media isn’t going anywhere. And just like it can be a force for anxiety, shame and general angst it can be a force for good too. The trick is in knowing how to use it positively (and in holding the platforms to account for not moderating the spread of harmful viral trends and online abuse, and creating algorithms that deliberately create division and harm mental health... but that’s a story for another day). 
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But how can we expect our kids to have a handle on it when we, as adults, don’t ourselves? 
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I don’t believe the answer is to ban social media, but I don’t think kids should be given unfettered access to it either. 
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They need help navigating this stuff, learning about boundaries, developing media literacy skills so they can think critically about the content they’re consuming (just like many adults).
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And we also need to explore how we might be inadvertently contributing to the problem, perpetuating appearance ideals and creating a culture where kids learn it’s ok to body shame under the guise of health and to value each other based on the way they look.
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As ever, it’s complicated. I’d love to know what you think? What are some of the boundaries you have around social media in your house - both for yourself and your kids?
#BodyHappyKids 
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[Full text in Alt Text]
When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnan When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnancy yoga class every week. It was the highlight of my week. I left each session feeling like I was floating on a cloud, and I used the poses and breath work to guide me through labour too. But then I had my baby and found that, as a knackered new mum of two, I couldn’t find the time for yoga. I no longer had the excuse of doing it “for the bump” or “to prepare for labour”, so what was the point?
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It wasn’t until I started reinvesting in myself and unravelling the diet culture perspective on exercise that I found it again, along with running, which turned to hiking, and swimming. 
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It wasn’t about preparing my body for someone or something else. It was about the process itself, the time to unwind my mind and move my body for joy, just for me. I’ve lost a bit of that this past year with lockdowns, and I feel it.
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I recently signed up to @theunderbellyyoga with @mynameisjessamyn and feel like I’m finding it again. I love that my kids can see me taking time for myself, and enjoying movement, and that they sometimes want to join in too. Even if it is a bit annoying sometimes (swipe 👀). 
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#BodyHappyMum 
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[Image description: Molly and her 6 year old daughter Effie sit on yoga and gymnastics mats with their legs crossed and arms in the air. They have their backs to the camera. In the second image they are sitting crossed legged while twisting round to the side, and in the third image Molly is lying on the mat with her eyes closed while Effie leans over her, being a bit annoying.]
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