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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / Body image and kids – how to promote a body positive household

Body image and kids – how to promote a body positive household

July 17, 2018 by Molly 2 Comments

A couple of weeks ago I was in the changing rooms of our local outdoor pool. It was a hot sunny day and the pool was packed. There were families and kids and teenagers and a whole load of people just messing about in the water, sunbathing and generally having fun. In the changing rooms though, there was a teenage girl crying. The reason? She was absolutely terrified of going out into the pool area in her bikini.

As she sobbed to her friend that her boobs were too big, her thighs were too big, her bum was too round, groups of other kids threw themselves into the water outside, splashing each other and laughing. It made me feel so sad.

As a mum this is something I’m really aware of. Teen girls in the UK have a worryingly low level of esteem when it comes to their own body image – which is why, as I explained here, this is a subject I’ll continue to talk about. And it’s not just teen girls, it’s teen boys, grown women, grown men. It’s an issue, particularly in this country.

Things I want my daughters to understand as they grow older:

  1. Their self-worth is not defined by the way they look or the shape of their body.
  2. We are all entitled to the same level of respect, kindness and humanity, no matter how we look. We are all human.
  3. Life is too short to be confined by the pre-conceived judgements of other people. If you want to wear a bikini on the beach then wear a bikini on the beach.
  4. We can never be responsible for other people’s opinions.
  5. No one’s body exists to be judged by anyone else.

These are all big worthy ideas but I’m more than aware they aren’t the kind of statements you can just make and hope to sink in. So, instead of talking about this stuff with my kids – they’re too young to really understand this stuff anyway – I SHOW them.

Here are four ways I try to promote a healthy attitude towards body image in our house:

1. I don’t talk about diets

I don’t do diets. I don’t even talk about “healthy eating”. My kids know they need a balanced diet and that includes fruit and veg, but no foods are “banned” – either for them or me. I don’t want them to see me denying myself an ice-cream on a sunny day, or eating courgetti instead of spaghetti and then still feeling hungry afterwards.

If you’re not persuaded by the validity of this approach then don’t take it from me – Laura Thomas – AfN registered nutritionist and Instagram legend talks about diet culture and disordered eating and smashes any pseudo-science myths around food spectacularly. Plus, she has a new book out called Just Eat It which I am definitely going to pre-order.

2. I’m relaxed about being naked

I’m in the Marina Fogle camp when it comes to being naked around kids. Naked bodies are not something to be ashamed of – it’s natural to be naked! I’m not saying we’re naturists (we’re not) but having a relaxed approach to being nude gives my kids the chance to see what a normal naked body looks like, and for them to see that I’m comfortable in my own skin. I don’t cook the Sunday roast in the buff or do naked gardening, but I don’t jump out of the shower and immediately cover myself up with a towel or dash to get dressed with the bedroom door closed either.

3. I compliment myself

We all have off days, but even on my off days I don’t look in the mirror and say mean things about myself. If I like an outfit I’ll say “Oh I like this dress on me” or if someone pays me a compliment I’ll accept it with grace and say “Thank you” instead of brushing it off. My kids think I’m beautiful, so if I stood in front of them telling them they are wrong, that Mummy’s belly is too wobbly or that Mummy shouldn’t wear X, Y or Z because her body isn’t the right shape then I feel like that would shatter something for them.

4. I compliment other people

I have friends of all different shapes and sizes and each and every one of them is beautiful – and I make sure my kids hear me saying so. It’s not just the way they look, but their cleverness, their kindness, their creativity and inspiring attitudes which are beautiful – and again, I make sure my kids hear me saying so. If I’ve met up with a friend they don’t know then I’ll often show them a pic and tell them about my friend, and why I like that person. In this way I hope they get to understand that everyone has their own beauty and it’s far more than skin deep.

 

It remains to be seen if this attitude will work. But I hope beyond hope that it might let my kids grow into teenagers and women who don’t ever let their perceptions about their appearance hold them back from just living their life.

As a teen, I grew up surrounded by images of one particular type of body on mainstream media – on TV and in magazines. But my own kids will grow up with this AS WELL as the world of Instagram and photo filters. If I can do a few small things to try to counteract that culture then maybe, possibly, hopefully, they’ll avoid sitting in a changing room on a hot sunny day, crying, while their friends play in the swimming pool outside.

 

Filed Under: Kids, MOTHERHOOD, SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: body confidence, body image, body image and kids, body image issues, body positive, body positivity

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Comments

  1. Lisa says

    July 17, 2018 at 1:50 pm

    As somebody with body image issues I try not to convey this to my daughter but it can be hard sometimes. Growing up I looked anorexic and was monitored through the hospital as I was so tiny. I ate like a horse. The doctors always talked about aiming for ‘normal’. We eat healthily as a family but I think as a result of years of monitoring that I’ve never felt ‘normal’

    Reply
    • Molly says

      July 21, 2018 at 10:27 am

      Body image is such a hugely emotive topic isn’t it? And it’s not always easy to be positive if you’re not feeling naturally happy about your body. But I think the fact you’re aware of it and are trying to raise your daughter without having these issues herself shows what a lovely mum you are. Thank you for your comment. xx

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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Back in January I was on the brilliant @school.for Back in January I was on the brilliant @school.for.mothers.podcast - we talked diet culture around kids and practical things we, as parents, carers and teachers, can do to dismantle some of the messages and create body happy environments for children to thrive in. Here’s a little snippet and you can listen to the full episode wherever you get your podcasts ❤️ 
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Reminder: my book, Body Happy Kids is out 1st April and available to order now!
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[Video description: a pink square with blue audio wave and closer captioned text of a clip from an episode on diet culture and kids with Molly on the School for Mothers podcast.]
I am not “bossing” it. Or “slaying”. Or “hustling”. Or “smashing” it. I’m not even juggling or spinning plates or doing any of the other words we use as a glossy, marketable, Instagram friendly way to package up burnout culture, under the guise of “empowering” women (💪🤢). 
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What I have been doing, though, is working too hard. Call a spade a spade. I’ve been working too hard, neglecting my health, my relationships, my life away from my laptop. I cannot be everything to everyone AND work at the level I’ve been working at BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN BEING. And you are too. We are not robots.
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I care deeply about all my work, and things aren’t always this intense, but I wanted to sprinkle some reality into the Gram because I am so over this lie that *any* type of success or achievement doesn’t come at a cost, or involve many failures in the background, or require many other people to help make things happen. 
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I guess what I’m saying is, let’s be real about all that, as well as showing the achievements. I’m bloody proud of my book. And I’m so excited to launch the social enterprise @bodyhappyorg properly next month. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, and that there isn’t a price. 
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And with that, I’m taking the weekend off. See you on the other side 🥰🥰🥰
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[Image description: Molly sits in her office with her hands covering her mouth. On the back of one hand is written “Not bossing it”. She is wearing a pink boiler suit with a black and white top underneath. She has pink leopard print earrings on and her hair is tied back.]
This was taken at the start of half term, when the This was taken at the start of half term, when the kids were still enthusiastic about going for a walk. 1,705 walks around the same bit of countryside later... not so much 😬 
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If you’re struggling to get your kids motivated to move their body at the moment, go gentle. You’re not alone. Bad weather coupled with boredom coupled with the lure of screens is a heady recipe for lethargy - and that’s just me! 
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Seriously though, remember: all movement is valid. Even if it’s just a ten minute @cosmickids sesh or a little kitchen disco, it all counts. And if it comes from a place of enjoyment and fun, kids (and adults!) are going to be far more likely to want to get involved.
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What joyful movement activities are your kids enjoying right now (if any?!)?
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters are standing in a field. They’re wearing colourful wellies, holding hands and smiling.]
I founded a social enterprise 😵 . Introducing: I founded a social enterprise 😵
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Introducing: @bodyhappyorg 🎉
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We are a Community Interest Company dedicated to promoting positive body image in children. We help adults help the kids in their care be friends with their bodies 🥰. 
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Through workshops and classes, digital and physical resources (both free and paid) we help parents, carers, teachers, youth leaders - and any adults who are ever around children - create body happy settings for kids to thrive in. 
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We launch officially next month with a beautiful new website and lots of resources which we’ll continually be adding to. In the meantime give us a follow at @bodyhappyorg - we start posting from today and our page has been designed as a free resource on its own! 
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I’m privileged to work alongside an incredible team of people on this. Shout-out to the original dream team @chelseacoxstrategist @amysnellingpt @effinitupfaye @lottie_storey @bodyconfidencecards_db @rachel_hobnobs & @aceandping 💕 LOVE YOU ALL! 💕
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[Image description: A blue square with yellow and white text which reads “the body happy org”. This is the logo for The Body Happy Organisation CIC]
Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-sta Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-stained hoodie and tracksuit bottoms at least once in the past month 😐
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[Image description: Molly is wearing pink dungarees with yellow buttons over a black rollneck long-sleeved top. She has a monochrome striped hairband on and her hair is pink. She is also wearing earrings with boobs on them. She looks very pleased, both with her earrings, the pink hair and the fact she’s not wearing sleepwear, for a change.]
A new report from the Education Policy Institute h A new report from the Education Policy Institute has concluded an obvious gender divide in the well-being of young adults. If you’d like to read more check out this article by Eleanor Peake in @newstatesman (I’ve linked to it in my Stories).
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Every week I get messages from parents and teachers concerned about the impact of social media on their kids’ body image. And of course, I couldn’t write a book about body image in kids and teens without covering social media - there’s a whole chapter in Body Happy Kids dedicated to the subject. 
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The thing is, social media isn’t going anywhere. And just like it can be a force for anxiety, shame and general angst it can be a force for good too. The trick is in knowing how to use it positively (and in holding the platforms to account for not moderating the spread of harmful viral trends and online abuse, and creating algorithms that deliberately create division and harm mental health... but that’s a story for another day). 
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But how can we expect our kids to have a handle on it when we, as adults, don’t ourselves? 
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I don’t believe the answer is to ban social media, but I don’t think kids should be given unfettered access to it either. 
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They need help navigating this stuff, learning about boundaries, developing media literacy skills so they can think critically about the content they’re consuming (just like many adults).
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And we also need to explore how we might be inadvertently contributing to the problem, perpetuating appearance ideals and creating a culture where kids learn it’s ok to body shame under the guise of health and to value each other based on the way they look.
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As ever, it’s complicated. I’d love to know what you think? What are some of the boundaries you have around social media in your house - both for yourself and your kids?
#BodyHappyKids 
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