I finished Gilmore Girls earlier this week. Within seconds of the final scene in the final episode of Season 7, I’d cranked up the first episode of the recent bonus season – A Year in the Life. Two days later it was over, and I’m left a bereft woman. I feel like I’ve lost a limb, or a close relative. My evenings stretch ahead of me, dark and empty. It dawns on me that I may, possibly, very probably have developed a slight Gilmore Girls addiction.
On reflection, I can see how the addiction developed. And how similarities could easily be drawn between a Gilmore Girls addiction and any other Netflix binge of choice.
Here are the eight stages of a Gilmore Girls addiction:
1. Binge watching until the early hours
This is by far the most obvious and least hardcore symptom of a Gilmore Girls addiction. We’ve all been there. One episode ends on a cliffhanger and, before you know it, you’re knee deep in the following episode. You just need to find out how a specific storyline plays out before you can bring yourself to turn it off, no matter how wrecked you’re going to feel the following day.
2. Googling the actors
Did you know Lauren Graham (Lorelei Gilmore) was born in Honolulu, Hawaii? Or that Alexis Bledel’s (Rory Gilmore’s) first name is Kimberly and she’s actually from Houston, Texas? Or how about the fact Scott Patterson (Luke Danes) is in an actual real life Indie rock band called Smithradio? I could go on, but I don’t want to ruin your own Google investigation. This is an important second stage of a Gilmore Girls addiction.
3. Panicking every time you see “Gilmore Girls” mentioned on social media
For a while back there I seriously considered deleting my Facebook account as a foolproof method to avoiding any potential spoilers. Going on Facebook or Twitter felt like a huge act of bravery in case I accidentally stumbled across any Gilmore Girls style revelations. Don’t judge me, I was heavily entrenched in stage 3 of my addiction.
4. Ignoring phone calls
Picture the scene: you’ve just settled down under a blanket on the sofa and, as the opening credits to Gilmore Girls roll for the umpteenth time that month, your phone rings. I hate to admit this but at the height of my addiction my heart literally sank any time a beloved friend or relative tried to reach me while I was watching Gilmore Girls. I only had eyes for Lorelei, Rory and co. I didn’t have the brain space to deal with real life people who I had actually loved. It’s around this time I realised my Gilmore Girls addiction might be developing into a bit of an “issue”.
5. Going cold turkey
Which leads me to phase 5 of a Gilmore Girls addiction: cold turkey. Around Season 4, when I realised things were getting out of hand, I attempted to quit my habit. I gave up the series I was on and turned instead to documentaries on Netflix, This Is Us on Channel 4 (handily starring a certain actor who’s also in Gilmore Girls) and reading all the books I’d neglected since getting hooked on my beloved GG. And then I caved. Just one tiny taste, I thought. I’ll just watch one itty bitty episode. It wasn’t long before I was in full-blown GG addiction territory again.
6. Not wanting to go out, ever
Once you’ve accepted Gilmore Girls cold turkey is impossible, you reach stage number six of the addiction: not wanting to go out, ever. Unfortunately for me, this stage hit during the festive season when, unusually, I had a busy social diary. So strong was the grip of addiction that I seriously contemplated cancelling my rare evening plans for wonderful dinners, prosecco and conversation. Luckily my husband is not a GG enabler, and he literally forced me out the door.
7. Sneaky viewing habits
“I’m just putting the washing away!” I’d yell downstairs, as the NLM called up to ask what I was doing. My lie would buy me ten minutes of stealthy Gilmore Girls watching on the iPad, as I hid next to the sock drawer. It’s not big and it’s not clever, but I just had to see what was happening in Stars Hollow, you know?
8. Talking about the characters as if they’re real life people
By the time I finished A Year in the Life, I refused to acknowledge that the characters in Gilmore Girls were not real people, and the places depicted in the show did not exist. “Ah we need to go to America on a holiday, so we can swing by Stars Hollow and get breakfast at Luke’s,” I mused to the NLM. Of course he had no idea what I was talking about, which is lucky really as he’d probably have had me put on some kind of scary GG detox programme.
Are you a Gilmore Girls addict? Any other stages I’ve missed out?