• SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE
  • MOTHERHOOD
    • Pregnancy
    • Babies
    • Kids
  • ADVENTURE
  • STYLE
    • Interiors
    • Fashion
    • Beauty
  • FOOD

Mother's Always Right

Mum life, body image, style

  • ABOUT
  • PRESS
  • Podcast
  • Public Speaking
  • YOUTUBE
  • WORK WITH ME
  • #FreeFromDiets campaign
You are here: Home / PLAY / My five year secret

My five year secret

November 9, 2017 by Molly 10 Comments

It started when I was little. I remember sleep-overs with friends when we’d pretend to draw on each other’s backs and guess what the picture was. Or sometimes it would be a specific sound – the rustling of paper or a teacher’s voice as she’d read the class a story. I never spoke aloud of my “tingles”, in fact I don’t think I ever really put the feeling into words at all. It wasn’t until much later – at the age of 29 – that I finally found a name for it.

“ASMR” or “Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response” has since been coined as a term to describe the pleasant tingling sensation that would start at my scalp, move down my spine and sometimes leave the tips of my fingers buzzing. It’s a feeling of deep relaxation, but more than just the experience you get with a long soak in the tub or a good massage.

There’s a distinct “static-like tingling” on the skin and, it turns out, you either get it or you don’t. For many who’ve experienced ASMR secretly their whole life it can be a relief to finally have the sensation put into words and find out there are millions of others who feel it too. But for those who’ve never had an ASMR experience, they just find the whole thing a bit weird. 

Sometimes I’d be transported into an ASMR tingle by accident. Perhaps I’d be speaking to someone at work or in a shop and they had a really relaxing voice  which would elicit the “tingles”, or there was one time I had a head massage in Sri Lanka, which left me literally buzzing. Every time I had these tingles by accident, I was transported back to my childhood sleepovers or those times I’d sit in the classroom listening to stories, trying not to close my eyes and drift off into a state of tingly bliss.

It’s not sexual – which is what so many people find hard to fathom. It’s nothing like that at all, not for me anyway. It’s just a distinct feeling of pure relaxation which, up until recently, I’ve been too embarrassed to talk about.

When I started doing a breakfast radio show a few years ago and found myself needing to quickly unwind and get to sleep, training my body clock into a new rhythm, I started looking for meditation videos on YouTube. Specifically, I was searching for Yoga meditations – like the kind you get at the end of a Yoga class (“relax your jaw, let your limbs hang loose” etc etc). Instead I found this woman who did massage tutorials on YouTube – and her voice elicited the tingles like crazy. Reading the comments on the video was an eye-opener. Lots of people said they felt the “tingles” too. And that’s how I stumbled into the world of “ASMRtists” on YouTube.

There was one time, when Freya was a toddler and she couldn’t get to sleep, that I put on one of these YouTube videos to see if it helped relax her. She was barely speaking at the time, but I noticed she instantly went quiet. Since then, as she’s grown, she’s often asked for me to “draw on her back” if she can’t get to sleep. And the bit at the beginning of In The Night Garden, when the adult is tracing circles on the child’s hand – she tells me she always feels “tingly and sleepy” when she sees that. It seems my eldest child might have inherited my predisposition for ASMR too.

My husband, however, thinks it’s all a big joke. As someone who’s never had a tingle from anything other than the excitement of a Friday night beer, he just doesn’t get it. When I first started listening to ASMR videos on YouTube to help me sleep (when I was on early shifts), I used to make sure I’d turned it off before he came to bed, for fear of him thinking I was some kind of weirdo watching odd people doing random things on YouTube. Because, let’s face it, some of the videos are kind of strange. 

And he did find it funny, at first. “When I came to bed last night you were fast asleep with your headphones plugged into your phone, sleeping to the sound of some Russian woman doing a towel-folding tutorial on YouTube,” he joked. That’s when I told him about the whole ASMR thing, much to his complete confusion.

Now, a few years on, he doesn’t bat an eyelid if – when I can’t sleep – I get the headphones out and fire up YouTube. He often puts the phone away for me if I drop off and understands why Freya asks for “a back draw” if she can’t sleep. Effie, on the other hand, seems to be more like her dad. She just laughs if I “tickle her back” and the thought of her lying still long enough to experience a “tingle” is laughable.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this post now, five years after first encountering the world of ASMR online. I’m not an active member of the “ASMR community”. I don’t subscribe, comment or “like” any of the YouTube videos, I don’t read the many forums I understand exist. I’m a lurker, watching the videos if I can’t get to sleep and reading the occasional news reports about the phenomenon with interest.

I guess I’m just getting more content in sharing stuff about myself that I know loads of other people experience too – even if they don’t say it out loud. And I think, maybe, I’m starting to care less about what people think of me anyway – so if they don’t get it, who cares?

Tell me, have you ever experienced ASMR?

Filed Under: PLAY

« Breastfeeding a three year old – the end
Teaching kids the true meaning of Christmas FAIL »

Comments

  1. Kerry says

    April 9, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    I’ve always loved someone drawing on my bank from when i was a little girl and even in adulthood i could sit for hours while someone draws on my back or runs their fingers through my hair, i just find it so relaxing.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      April 16, 2018 at 9:02 am

      Same! I used to play the game where my mum would draw a picture on my back and I had to guess what it was! x

      Reply
  2. Claire Evans says

    November 14, 2017 at 11:20 am

    This is fascinating. I’ve never heard of the term before but definitely experience it too! Me and my mum love the feeling. My sister hates it so can’t stand whispering or the intense feeling at the opticians etc. I feel spooked out that this is actually “a thing”. Thank you for sharing. xxx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 22, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      Ha it can be really intense can’t it – I used to visibly shudder sometimes when the “tingles” were too strong!

      Reply
  3. Alison says

    November 14, 2017 at 10:23 am

    I’ve NEVER heard of this! EVER! But I think I get it. I get it starting in my head and then down to my arms. For me though, it tends to be when I’m excited about something rather than relaxed – is that a thing?!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 22, 2017 at 8:46 pm

      Yes! Maybe! I don’t know! It’s fascinating though when you read up on it. There are lots of new studies being done on it all the time, which is probably why it’s getting more attention in the form of lifestyle newsy type pieces. I heard the lady I like to listen to on YouTube on 5Live the other day!

      Reply
  4. CaroleHeidi says

    November 10, 2017 at 10:03 am

    Interesting. I’m not sure I get it, but my youngest often asks me to stroke his back or his tummy and stroking his hair has always been the best way to get him to calm down. And literally nothing else makes him sit still like it.

    I wonder…

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 10, 2017 at 10:29 am

      Ooh I bet he gets it!

      Reply
  5. Catherine says

    November 9, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    Oooh, I definitely get ASMR. The best times were when the nit nurse came to visit school! Imagine a teenager trying to be discrete, moaning that we had to traipse across school with the rest of my friends, get checked and then come back. Oh, those were the days before budget cuts and free university education! I didn’t get any work done back in the classroom, as I was in a dreamlike state. I also remember having similar sensations as a little one of about four, having my hair cut next door. Clearly, it has something to do with massaging my head!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 10, 2017 at 10:29 am

      It definitely runs in the family!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

  • Bloglovin
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

YOUTUBE

INSTAGRAM

Hello. How are you? . I’ve noticed something th Hello. How are you? 
.
I’ve noticed something this lockdown that feels different to first time... the sense of people being more disconnected than ever, more divided, more isolated. 
.
Maybe it’s because we’re all on our last nerve now - the loss, sacrifice and stress is amplified that bit more. 
.
And we’re so deep in it, often confined in our thoughts at home, our only connection with the outside world via a screen, that it becomes harder to appreciate our differences in circumstances. 
.
We forget that we are all just humans muddling through a global pandemic, trying to come out of it alive, with our minds intact and hopefully our jobs too. 
.
We’re angry, sad, frustrated, scared. And in the absence of those regular social connections we need a place to direct those feelings. The social media platforms and comments sections on news sites have never been so busy. 
.
Except it’s not just faceless people on the internet that we’re upset with anymore. It’s our neighbours, family and friends. 
.
Dr Vivek Murthy wrote about the importance of social connections and community in his book Together, pointing out that loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. 
.
We are sociable creatures. We need community not just to thrive but to survive. 
.
So check in with your friends today. Maybe even send them a voice note. Don’t assume you know how they’re doing based on their latest Facebook post. We need to get through this together, not apart ❤️
.
.
.
.
[Image description: Molly is looking at the camera, smiling in a tired, resigned sort of way. She’s outside and is wearing a fantastic hat that her husband says looks like a tea cosy.]
✨Art from @emilycoxhead gorgeous book You Are In ✨Art from @emilycoxhead gorgeous book You Are Incredible Just As You Are✨
.
A reminder that loving every bit of ourselves isn’t just about embracing all the parts on the outside, but also about accepting - and maybe even celebrating - the bits on the inside too. 
.
I’ll go first: I am a worrier and have a tendency to think deeply on things. If we’ve ever had a disagreement - be it an exchange on Twitter in 2018 or a row in the playground in 1992 you bet I’ve stored that away in my brain ready to ruminate on in the depths of a night when I can’t sleep. 
.
But in the spirit of loving every bit of ourselves I say that rather than looking at these parts of ourselves as “flaws”, we choose instead to view them with loving kindness and a heavy dose of self-compassion. 
.
I worry because I am sensitive, and I care. This sometimes means I’m more vulnerable to allowing others’ opinions of me have too much power... but it also means I feel remorse when I make mistakes and try my very best to learn from them. 
.
And this also means I work hard in everything I do because I genuinely care about doing a good job. Meanwhile, my tendency to think deeply on stuff means I’m able to see the nuance in things and appreciate other perspectives, because as I grasp for an answer I often find two things can be true at the same time. 
.
These are not traits I would view as “pathetic” or “needy” or “indecisive” in my kids and I would never tell them to “just get over it”, so I’m trying to remember this for myself too.
.
Tell me, what parts of the inner you are you working on learning to love? 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
[Image description: A double page spread from Emily Coxhead’s book You Are Incredible. It’s a yellow page with a red heart and white writing which reads “Here’s to loving every bit of you.”]
Let’s talk joyful movement and.... PRIVILEGE! A Let’s talk joyful movement and.... PRIVILEGE! A nice juicy subject for a Thursday evening 😅
.
I absolutely love to see the narrative shift (albeit ever so slightly) to the intrinsic benefits of movement. The focus on intuitive movement and moving our bodies for how it makes us FEEL over how it makes us LOOK brings me huge happiness. 
.
BUT... even when we take movement away from a diet culture context, I still think there’s often a lack of acknowledgment of the many barriers preventing people engaging in movement in the first place (hot tip: it’s not “just cos they’re lazy” 🙄). 
.
When it comes to my own family - here are some of the privileges we live with which make movement easier for us: 
.
✨ We live in an area with access to lots of safe green spaces to play and walk.
✨ We can afford to pay for a gym membership, and extra curricular activities for the kids like gymnastics, Street Dance and swimming.
✨ We have access to the technology needed to take part in online classes over lockdown.
✨ We are non-disabled so experience no physical access issues preventing us from joining in with these activities. 
✨ Our work schedule allows us to get out together during daylight hours. 
✨ None of us lives with a mental health condition which might make getting outside / engaging in movement really hard or even impossible.
.
Kids access to movement is not equal so if we really care about encouraging more children to move then, as a nation, we need to level the playing field (pun intended). 
.
Some accounts which often discuss movement and privilege: @thephitcoach @amysnellingpt @theaishanash ❤️
.
.
.
.
[Image description: Molly and her two daughters standing on top of a hill smiling, with their arms in the air.]
It’s pretty well accepted that certain “fad di It’s pretty well accepted that certain “fad diets” are not the one. But if our definition of diet culture stops there, and we fail to see how diet culture IS fatphobic in its very nature - and that it absolutely depends on a collective cultural fear and vilification of fatness then we’ll never get anywhere with tearing it down.
.
Dressing up fatphobia as “health concern”, or “tough love” or “helping people” is just a fluffy way of saying you don’t acknowledge the huge complexity around health, or the many factors that impact weight, or the research showing the harmful (and unhealthy) impact of weight stigma, or the evidence into the long term effectiveness of diets and intentional weight loss. 
.
And essentially, those who assert that health only looks one way, and that people have a moral responsibility to prove their health via the shape of their body and not be a “drain on society”, are saying that only people with their version of a “healthy body” are worthy of respect, equality, dignity.
.
Children pick up on these messages and learn from an early age that “fat = bad”, and to see some bodies as better, and more deserving of love and respect than others. This could be why we’re seeing a rising number of pre-teens with eating disorders and mental health issues associated with poor body image. 
.
Yes we need to lose the fad diets. But we also need to lose the deeper prejudices and anti-fat biases that make them profitable in the first place, otherwise they’ll just continue to show up in different ways, coming in ever more aggressive and insidious ways for our kids.
.
.
.
(Image description: A yellow slide with multicolour shapes and a screenshot of a tweet overlaid which reads “FYI you can’t be simultaneously anti-diet culture and pro fatphobia. (And yes, fatphobia includes continuously asking “But what about health?” and not listening to the answer...)
You might have missed this in the news over Christ You might have missed this in the news over Christmas. It didn’t get nearly the same amount of coverage as all the diet-related features that are everywhere right now. It was hidden away behind the before and after “amazing weight loss” stories, celeb diet plans and “o*esity causes covid” headlines. But that doesn’t make it any less shocking or heartbreaking. 
.
I believe there’s a link between the rise in children being diagnosed with eating disorders and the rise in children suffering poor body image. These issues are fallout from a culture that idolises thinness, vilifies fatness and continually promotes one, narrow, over-simplified version of health. 
.
Diet culture is coming increasingly aggressively for children, and the pandemic with the huge mental health toll it’s taken has not helped one bit. We already knew the number of pre-teens diagnosed with anorexia in the last decade had doubled, and it seems the figures are rising even higher. We need change. Fast. 
.
Check out the Body Happy Kids resources, workshops and Masterclass and the #FreeFromDiets campaign in my bio, if you want to help change the culture our kids are growing up in. They deserve better.
.
.
.
.
.
.
[Image description: a section from a news article about rising numbers of children suffering with eating disorders. Full text can be found in Alt Text.]
I’ve been looking a lot at old photos lately. Th I’ve been looking a lot at old photos lately. This pic is from summer 2018, when I could hug my mum and travel abroad on holiday. If I close my eyes I can almost feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, smell the salty sea air and hear the laughter of other families playing on the beach. Holding on to these memories and the hope that the hugs, sunshine and bikinis will come again one day. In the meantime it’s video calls, trackie bottoms and WhatsApp. ❄️☀️ 
.
.
.
.
.
[Image description: Molly and her mum standing on a beach in France, in 2018. They are both wearing brightly coloured bikinis, hugging and smiling. It’s a hot sunny day and the sky is blue.]
Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2021 · Mothers Always Right. Design by Stacey Corrin

This site uses cookies: Find out more.