The night before…
1. Preparation is key. Set the alarm the night before for an optimistic 6am.
2. Wake on and off throughout the night with a sleep-phobic baby.
3. Swear at 6am alarm and go back to sleep.
4. Wake at 7am to a baby trying to chew your nose and pull your hair.
5. Fend off demands from a grumpy four year old to go on the iPad.
6. Wave cheery husband off to work through gritted teeth while reminding him how lucky he is to avoid the morning school run.
7. Multi-task your morning wee / teeth / face-wash ritual by singing nursery rhymes at the baby and fending off more demands for the iPad.
7. Spend ten minutes calmly explaining to the four year old that an Elsa dress is not suitable attire for school.
8. Give up and shout “PUT YOUR UNIFORM ON NOW!”
9. Spend thirty seconds being consumed by guilt for shouting and losing your temper.
10. Pick up crying baby.
11. Spend another five minutes persuading the four year old to put her socks on.
12. Both socks. Matching ones. On her feet, not her hands.
13. Attempt to breastfeed hungry baby while quelling a last-ditch attempt from the four year old to wear her Elsa dress over the top of her school uniform.
14. Curse Frozen and the day it was made.
15. Pull on whatever clean clothes are at the end of your bed.
16. Realise your top has dried milk on it and your jeans have crusty yoghurt on them.
17. Rub vigorously with a baby wipe.
18. Ask the four year old what she wants for breakfast.
19. Spend five minutes explaining that chocolate and fishfingers are not an appropriate meal for 8am.
20. Make baby’s porridge.
21. Wonder if baby porridge is worse than icing sugar for getting EVERYWHERE.
22. Give the baby a banana.
23. Give four year old toast.
24. Make a cup of tea.
25. Fend off a tantrum from the four year old because the toast was cut into squares and not triangles.
26. Retrieve bits of sticky banana from your walls and skirting board as your baby attempts to redecorate the house with soft fruit.
27. Clean up grumpy baby who hates having her face wiped.
28. Get baby dressed.
29. Heat up cold tea for 20 seconds in microwave.
30. Change baby who has done a poo that has seeped through her nappy all over her clothes.
31. Abandon untouched mug of luke-warm tea.
Getting out of the door:
31. Ask four year old nicely to put her shoes on.
32. Ask four year old again to put her shoes on.
33. Find four year old’s shoes and put them next to her feet, asking her to put them on.
34. Put baby down while tying baby wrap onto your body and singing nursery rhymes to wailing baby.
35. Shout at four year old to “PUT YOUR BLOODY SHOES ON NOW!”
36. Spend thirty seconds being consumed by guilt for shouting and losing your temper.
37. Wonder if you can let four year old walk to school with bare feet.
38. Win the shoe battle. Begin the coat battle.
39. Give up and carry four year old’s coat.
40. Leave house carrying a baby, a book bag, a show and tell item for four year old’s school assembly, a drinks bottle, a purse, a set of keys and a phone.
Getting to school:
Is it just me? Are mornings as this chaotic in your house?!