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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / Mum hating online

Mum hating online

September 29, 2015 by Molly 32 Comments

Devon mum

Gosh MUMS. Aren’t they so boring? If they’re not busy boasting about their kid’s latest achievement all over Facebook, then they’re off somewhere being ungrateful about having children in the first place, moaning about the school run or toddler tantrums all over Twitter. Or they’re writing lengthy blog posts about how stupid their kids are, or how amazing their kids are. Blog posts that NO ONE’S GOING TO READ because, you know, who cares about that shit?

GET OFF MY INTERNET MUMS!

Stop inundating me with details of your life and your snotty-nosed kids. Just get on with raising your brats behind closed doors.

KNOW YOUR PLACE MUMS!

You no longer have the right to take an active part in life online. You gave up that right when you pushed a human out of your vagina. So you’re bored? A bit lonely? Want to let off steam and share your thoughts about motherhood with the world? Oh FFS just go to a toddler group or sign up to one of those parenting websites that has “mum” in the title. At least you won’t be littering my feed with your drivel.

MUM

This pretty much sums up a variety of threads and articles I’ve read online recently. Mums are boring. Mums shouldn’t talk about motherhood online. Mums who go on Facebook should be banned from social media. Mums who write blog posts about parenting should really have something better to do. Mums, mums, mums.

Where’s all the dad hating online? What about dads who write blog posts or share photos of their child’s first steps on Facebook? I guess if you’re a dad doing it then it’s cute. You’re all “modern man”, showing the world that it’s possible to have a softer side and enjoy fatherhood. You’re let off the hook. Go and be a baby bore as much as you want. Just don’t let your wife go on Twitter.

I’ve recently been sharing less and less on my personal Facebook page. Terrified that I’ll be labelled as a “mum with nothing better to do” by my non-parent friends, I’ve started to mute myself. Instead, I’ve gone to Twitter or Instagram or, on some occasions my blog Facebook page. I feel less judged in these places, as I guess most of the people who I interact with there are parents too.

That doesn’t stop the mum hating online getting to me though. I’ve still read those threads about “dull mummy bloggers” (the irony of such comments mainly coming from other mums themselves is not lost on me). I’ve read the tongue-in-cheek articles informing us mums how we can avoid being a baby bore.

I wonder why they don’t write those types of articles for those in my feed who I would term as a “politics bore”, or a “cat bore”, or a “OMG I’m soooooo hungover!” bore. I guess if you a) don’t have kids or b) are a man, then you can post what you want without the risk of being labelled something pretty unfortunate.

Balls to it all, I say.

From this day onwards I’m going to stop censoring myself. I’m not going to feel a bit cringe if someone outs me as a “mummy blogger”. I’m not going to apologise for sharing a cute photo of my baby on Facebook or ranting about a shitty school run from hell on Twitter. And you know why? Because I have just as much right as anyone else to be online.

Because sharing this stuff sometimes makes me feel better. Because mothering isn’t a dirty job that should be done in privacy, behind closed doors. Because being a parent is a huge part of my life and it’s only natural I’ll sometimes want to talk about it.

Unfortunately, I don’t always have time watch that big Oscar nominated film at the cinema or read the latest Waterstones best-seller, so I can’t share witty thoughts about it on Twitter. Sometimes the only chat I have is the fact I am so tired I feel half dead inside, and I think admitting that may make one mum somewhere feel a tiny bit better about feeling half dead with tiredness too.

So here’s to more mum sharing online and less mum hating. I’m not ashamed to be a mum, or a woman, or a blogger.

Are you?

 

Filed Under: SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: Blogging, Facebook, life online, mum hating, Parenting

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Comments

  1. Emma says

    September 29, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    The bit about cringing when outed as a Mummy Blogger made me laugh…I still sort of hide that side of my life to non bloggers, which is crazy as it’s my job and brings me amazing opportunities.

    I think when reading on social media you just have to take a step back sometimes and understand that people have different insecurities and issues and sometimes that’s apparent in their posts. I’m not very good at sharing personal aspects of my life anywhere other than Instagram, not sure why…maybe it seems friendlier than FB?

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2016 at 12:31 pm

      I totally get that – I agree. I think I do the same!

      Reply
  2. Katie @mummydaddyme says

    September 30, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    Good for you Molly and I completely agree. We shouldn’t feel ashamed for sharing our little human beings! x

    Reply
  3. Emily says

    September 30, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    I don’t suppose you read the awful (but tongue in cheek so we can’t moan) column in The Guardian warning Instagram users (who are obviously so cool and hip) that it was so fast growing that it was soon going to be ruined by *mothers*! I mean can you imagine, mothers on Instagram! How hideous. It was the first thing ever that’s made me want to comment (I didn’t obviously)
    I hate the assumption that mothers can’t be clever, funny, interesting, informed, engaged, stylish and cool.

    Reply
  4. Carie says

    September 30, 2015 at 10:14 am

    I don’t really use Facebook so perhaps I’ve escaped most of this but no I’m not ashamed to be a blogger, a Mummy or a Mummy Blogger – it’s taken me a while to admit to it to people I know in real life though …!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:40 am

      Hurray to that!

      Reply
  5. Mammasaurus says

    September 30, 2015 at 9:41 am

    *raises bingo wings and shakes them furiously*

    BIG UP THE MUMS ONLINE!

    Lovely post Molly x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:40 am

      Thanks Annie! x

      Reply
  6. Annabelle says

    September 30, 2015 at 1:20 am

    Love this and am sharing. Can I win a prize for spotting the typo “sensoring” when it should be “censoring” at 2:18 am in the morning?

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:41 am

      Top prize to Annabelle! I’ve changed that typo now. My excuse is a mixture of ragey writing and sleep deprivation…

      Reply
  7. Laura Jane writes says

    September 29, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    Well said. I happen to think the photos I post of my children are just as interesting (much more interesting if I’m being totally honest) than updates from friends who share in depth photos of every course of their gourmet lunches!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:41 am

      YES! Cute photos win over posh food photos for me, every time.

      Reply
  8. Capture by Lucy says

    September 29, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    I feel like I am sharing more about the boys lately!!! Bucking the trend! In fact I really haven’t felt sure of how to share on Facebook for the last few months and actually sharing all my mums things has made me feel connected there. The mess in the house, snapped moments on my phone. I can save the silly flowers for somewhere else. Hoorah for documenting their digital footprint. Great post xxxxxx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:42 am

      Thanks for your brilliant comment Lucy. I think I go through phases with Facebook and social media generally really. I guess use different platforms for different things. Not down with the mum hating though!

      Reply
  9. Jane @ northernmum says

    September 29, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    you are sharing less??

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:42 am

      Ha!

      Reply
  10. Sarah Rooftops says

    September 29, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    Hell, yeah!

    Although, actually, I do see people complaining about running bores and wedding bores and politics bores on Facebook – and I’ve blogged before about why we need to stop calling people smug just because they’re excited about something (*cough* http://www.sarahrooftops.co.uk/2015/02/smugness-and-happiness-are-not-same.html *cough*) – but I feel more aware of people complaining about mums and I do find myself wondering how many people are rolling their eyes when I post YET ANOTHER PHOTO of my daughter. I don’t let it stop me, though. Well… not often, anyway…

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:43 am

      Don’t stop with the cute baby pics – they brighten up my feed!

      Reply
  11. Alison says

    September 29, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    Totally. This.

    As I’ve said elsewhere online, having a child is just another part of our lives, like our job, pets or hobbies, yet when we talk about it, we’re often labelled a ‘baby bore’. The same is rarely said about those who talk a lot online about their cat or their motorbike. It’s bizarre.

    I think it probably has something to do with the fact that often very suddenly, a ‘normal’ person who once posted about massive hangovers and cats turns into someone who posts about babies – this must be quite weird and annoying for non-parents. But do you know what, deal with it. Enough with slating mums.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:43 am

      As ever, you’re a source of wisdom. I totally agree. But yes, enough of slating mums.

      Reply
  12. (Mostly) Yummy Mummy says

    September 29, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    No I’m bloody well not! Well said Molly!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:44 am

      Hurrah!

      Reply
  13. Claire says

    September 29, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    Great post. I am all three of the above (and more) and proud of it too. I love blogging and think a lot more people should blog about their lives whatever situation or stage in life they are at. If others don’t like it, then don’t read it!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:44 am

      Exactly! There’s always the mute button!

      Reply
  14. Charlie O'Brien says

    September 29, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    yes yes yes! I’ve been editing myself online recently too. I hardly even share stuff on my own personal FB now! I did actually see someone on twitter as well referring to me as ‘another boring mummy blogger’. Since when are Mums ‘boring’?! Without mums – the world would stop turning. Simples x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:44 am

      Quite right. People can be so mean can’t they?!

      Reply
  15. Kate says

    September 29, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Not ashamed……hell, I tell anyone who will listen (& some that probably don’t ) about my parenting/wife/lady fails/wins every single day!
    I really am very boring, but bollocks to anyone who is offended or annoyed by it I say – my life, my social media, my place to be as snoring boring as I jolly well want!!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:45 am

      Ha – I do love you Kate!

      Reply
  16. Eleanor says

    September 29, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    I’m all three, I’m not ashamed. And I’m also not ashamed to say we have the same glittery sneakers. Ideal.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 30, 2015 at 11:45 am

      Trainer twins!

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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Maybe this feeling is normal? A post-publication day flatness... it’s familiar and kind of expected, I’ve felt it after any big thing. A kind of anti-climax, mixture of exhaustion and overwhelm maybe?
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Publishing in a pandemic is tough and the fact I haven’t even been able to see my book in a bookshop doesn’t help. There’s been no celebration with friends and family, no fun launch event, no way to officially mark it as such - that’s all on hold. And self-promotion always feels a bit cringe, but I know it’s important - not just to get the book out in the world but also to show my daughters that as women we must be proud of our achievements. Particularly when we’re so often told to be quiet. 
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Body Happy Kids has been out in the world for just Body Happy Kids has been out in the world for just over a week 🎉 It’s been wonderful and overwhelming to see people reading it all over the world. I’m so grateful for everyone tagging me in their posts and Stories, particularly as I haven’t been able to see the book in a real life book shop yet 😭 (publishing in a pandemic is tough 💔). 
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If you’ve read the book I would be ever so grateful if you could leave it a review on Amazon. I’m told it makes a difference and can help some people decide whether to read it or not!
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This is a tiny thread taken from the chapter about toys. There’s some fascinating research into the impact of toys on body image in kids, showing that what children plays with matters. It’s not a straightforward case of banning Barbie (my 6yo loves her Barbies) but more a case of being mindful of the impact of these toys, talking about them and making sure kids have a range of different types of toys to play with. There’s a toolkit at the end of the chapter to help with this.
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In the meantime, swipe through to read a bit more about Barbie (including Slumber Party Barbie from 1960s 😱)
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I want to see more B roll photos. I want to see th I want to see more B roll photos. I want to see the deleted photos, lying forgotten deep at the bottom of the trash folder. The discarded selfies. The ones taken and hastily replaced with ten “better” ones. I want the perfect imperfection, the unglossy, unfiltered, messy, grainy slightly out of focus frazzled photos. 
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I want my daughters (when they’re old enough to have phones), to feel able to show up with a make-up free, unfiltered face without feeling like they need to do so with a caveat or an apology. I want them to be able to exist online just as they are, without being hailed as “so brave” just for putting up an image of them living their life that hasn’t been taken under perfect lighting or with on-fleek brows or posed just-so. 
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We live in an age where we are all judging others and ourselves based on our appearance more than ever. Defining other peoples’ bodies. Deciding who is worthy or not worthy, who gets to speak, who gets our attention, based on what they look like. And looking at ourselves through the glare of a camera phone or zoom filter for hours every day. Living outside of our bodies and our faces. It’s. So. Boring.
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Show me the B roll photos, the messy, accidental, fuzzy, real moments of unposed, unselfconscious LIFE. I’m here for it. Here’s mine.
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Today the Women and Equalities Commission released Today the Women and Equalities Commission released a big report into body image, with a whole raft of recommendations for the government to implement. The report included the findings of a large survey they did last year which found 66% of children suffer with negative feelings about their bodies most of the time. 
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They have eight weeks to respond. We mustn’t stop talking about this. 
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Parents, teachers, youth leaders: follow @bodyhappyorg (the social enterprise I founded to promote positive body image in children and teens) for more support in this area. 
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I’m sharing what we offer here on my own account as I know there are some new people following me since the publication of my book last week and I want to let you know what resources and support we can offer in this area. I work with a brilliant team of people at @bodyhappyorg who are all equally committed to these issues. Hopefully this post will be useful - if you’re a parent we have support for you too. Check out the links in my bio or the @bodyhappyorg bio ❤️
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Last night I posted a reel about saying no to diet Last night I posted a reel about saying no to diet culture and someone commented that it wasn’t so dramatic as a straight-sized white woman. They were right, it’s not. Hopefully this post explains why, but I want to make it super clear where I stand because this stuff is important. 
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Also, a gentle reminder: it’s never OK to comment on or define someone else’s body without their consent. Holding people to account is important and appreciated. But piling in with comments about someone’s body as if they’re not there is rude and crosses a boundary I hold for my own body, and the bodies of others. 
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No you’re crying. Can’t express how much this No you’re crying. Can’t express how much this means to me. 😭 #BodyHappyKids
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