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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / “New year new diet” and other damaging things we tell our kids

“New year new diet” and other damaging things we tell our kids

January 8, 2018 by Molly 7 Comments

This post is a week late but forgive me, I was eating Christmas leftovers. Last night we found two Chocolate Oranges on top of the cupboard, bought for the girls’ stockings but forgotten. We shared one between the four of us. It was delicious. I felt no guilt.

Today I went for a run, my first of 2018. As I was plodding along, listening to a podcast (The Guilty Feminist – highly recommend), I was aware of my hips jiggling, my thighs rubbing together in the middle of each step, my chin shaking a bit each time my foot hit the ground. There is more to me since a month ago. More flesh, more bulk. My bum wobbles when I run up the stairs and my tummy juts out further than my boobs if I stand sideways in the mirror. But, for the first January in a lot of Januarys, I don’t hate what I see.

I saw my first “New Year New Diet” post on Instagram on Boxing Day. The second was on Facebook, the day after. As the beautiful in-betweeny bit of Christmas rolled on and people reared their heads out of their states of Chrimbo Limbo, the diet posts kept coming. A little piece of me died every time I logged on. I ate a piece of cheese to feel better. 

The thing is, eating is one of the joys of Christmas. For our meat-eating non-Vegan family it’s sausages wrapped in bacon, turkey that’s moist in the middle with a crunchy golden brown skin, succulent stuffing balls and perfectly done roast potatoes – crispy on the outside but fluffy as clouds in the middle. It’s cheese and crackers, posh chocolates, nice wine (for the grown-ups). It’s smoked salmon and slow-cooked ham with a sticky sweet honey and mustard glaze. It’s leftover turkey curry and pea and ham soup. It’s pork pies and homemade sausage rolls. Mince pies, Christmas cake, biscuit selection boxes from M&S.

I loved every mouthful of indulgence over the festive period, and so did my kids. We bonded over our love of the good stuff, laughing, rubbing our tummies and revelling in the elasticated waistband of our pyjamas. We were joyous, happy, content.

So why would I want to rain on that joy by standing in front of the mirror (in full sight of my daughters) grabbing handfuls of flesh around my belly and talking about a month of starvation? It seems counter-intuitive. Damaging, even.

We tell our children to enjoy their food, fill our fridges with delicious treats, laugh around the table and celebrate with special meals. Then, come January, we send out another message. A message of deprivation, of austerity, of body-hating. A message that it’s good and right and proper to go to bed hungry every night because at the end of it all we’ll be thinner and our Christmas excesses will be purged. Too much joy is bad for a person.

Your body is your body. And as someone who identifies as a feminist I baulk at the idea that any woman – big or small – should be made to feel an ounce of guilt over what they look like or how they choose to treat their own body. But there is a big difference between being healthy and wanting to shrink yourself through a fad diet of starvation (side note: there is a wealth of scientific research which proves most of these fad diets don’t work long term anyway).

This is the first January in a long time that I’ve really understood this. In the past I’ve told myself that I’m just trying to be healthy, to balance out the Christmas indulgence, when the real reason I’m eating lettuce for lunch and hauling my arse along to a workout session is because I’ve subconsciously bought into the diet culture that’s rammed down our throats from 26th December to 31st January every year.

I ate a winter coleslaw salad for lunch, with avocado and tuna. I went for a 6km run this morning. I devoured a quarter of a Chocolate Orange last night. I still eat carbs. My regular diet does not consist of cheese with every meal. I don’t enjoy a glass of Buck’s Fizz at 11am as I do at Christmas. It’s balance. And THIS is the message I want my girls to learn.

Their worth is not measured by their appearance. MY worth is not measured by my appearance. I want to be healthy and happy because I want to feel that natural buzz of elation that comes after exercise. I run for my mind, and experience shows that, slowly, as my eating habits return to “normal” and I do a bit of exercise, my body will slowly go back to how it was before.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, chase a fitness goal, complete a challenge. But one thing I want my children to know is that they won’t automatically be “better” if they are a certain size. They are allowed to enjoy food without guilt. A week of indulgence should not equal a month of starvation afterwards.

I feel sad when I look back at past miserable January days when I could have just been a bit kinder to myself, given myself a break. I’ve started so many years feeling like an over-indulgent failure because I wasn’t a particular size and didn’t have the willpower to survive on lettuce or juice for days on end. I would regret the fun and laughter of Christmas and every negative body-hating thought sapped away some of that festive joy.

With that in mind I’m not giving up chocolate or wine for January. There is nothing I want less of in 2018 except the big side order of guilt that used to accompany many of my meals.

I think this might be what freedom tastes like.

Happy new year.

Filed Under: SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: diet culture, healthy eating, new year new diet, new year resolutions, New Year's Eve

« Snapshots of Christmas 2017
Five things to beat Blue Monday »

Comments

  1. Ma says

    January 9, 2018 at 4:33 pm

    Glad you are not giving up alcohol in January. Just discovered we are staying at an Inn that serves real ale and eating at a restaurant famous for its cocktails. Cheers! Love ma x

    Reply
  2. Hayley - Downs Side Up says

    January 9, 2018 at 8:42 am

    So well put Molly! I am so with you on this. Added to which January is such a tough month! Why put yourself through the horror of deprivation in the coldest, bleakest month of the year.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 9, 2018 at 1:20 pm

      I totally agree!

      Reply
  3. Emma Longden says

    January 8, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    Love this! So very, very true. I am feeling bigger than I was before Christmas but I absolutely love all the food and alcohol that comes with that time of year and I shouldn’t feel guilty for having eaten well and enjoyed myself x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 9, 2018 at 1:20 pm

      You’re so right. It’s a given that we consume more at Christmas than usual. Enjoy it and know that things will return to normal once we’re not eating cheese for three square meals a day!

      Reply
  4. Jenny @thebrickcastle says

    January 8, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    I love this post. If only we could be so wise when we were younger – think of the fun we’d have had! 🙂

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 9, 2018 at 1:21 pm

      I know – it’s depressing really! x

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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I am not “bossing” it. Or “slaying”. Or “hustling”. Or “smashing” it. I’m not even juggling or spinning plates or doing any of the other words we use as a glossy, marketable, Instagram friendly way to package up burnout culture, under the guise of “empowering” women (💪🤢). 
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What I have been doing, though, is working too hard. Call a spade a spade. I’ve been working too hard, neglecting my health, my relationships, my life away from my laptop. I can not be everything to everyone AND work at the level I’ve been working at BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN BEING. And you are too. We are not robots.
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I care deeply about all my work, and things aren’t always this intense, but I wanted to sprinkle some reality into the Gram because I am so over this lie that *any* type of success or achievement doesn’t come at a cost, or involve many failures in the background, or require many other people to help make things happen. 
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I guess what I’m saying is, let’s be real about all that, as well as showing the achievements. I’m bloody proud of my book. And I’m so excited to launch the social enterprise @bodyhappyorg properly next month. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, and that there isn’t a price. 
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And with that, I’m taking the weekend off. See you on the other side 🥰🥰🥰
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[Image description: Molly sits in her office with her hands covering her mouth. On the back of one hand is written “Not bossing it”. She is wearing a pink boiler suit with a black and white top underneath. She has pink leopard print earrings on and her hair is tied back.]
This was taken at the start of half term, when the This was taken at the start of half term, when the kids were still enthusiastic about going for a walk. 1,705 walks around the same bit of countryside later... not so much 😬 
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If you’re struggling to get your kids motivated to move their body at the moment, go gentle. You’re not alone. Bad weather coupled with boredom coupled with the lure of screens is a heady recipe for lethargy - and that’s just me! 
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Seriously though, remember: all movement is valid. Even if it’s just a ten minute @cosmickids sesh or a little kitchen disco, it all counts. And if it comes from a place of enjoyment and fun, kids (and adults!) are going to be far more likely to want to get involved.
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What joyful movement activities are your kids enjoying right now (if any?!)?
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters are standing in a field. They’re wearing colourful wellies, holding hands and smiling.]
I founded a social enterprise 😵 . Introducing: I founded a social enterprise 😵
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Introducing: @bodyhappyorg 🎉
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We are a Community Interest Company dedicated to promoting positive body image in children. We help adults help the kids in their care be friends with their bodies 🥰. 
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Through workshops and classes, digital and physical resources (both free and paid) we help parents, carers, teachers, youth leaders - and any adults who are ever around children - create body happy settings for kids to thrive in. 
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We launch officially next month with a beautiful new website and lots of resources which we’ll continually be adding to. In the meantime give us a follow at @bodyhappyorg - we start posting from today and our page has been designed as a free resource on its own! 
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I’m privileged to work alongside an incredible team of people on this. Shout-out to the original dream team @chelseacoxstrategist @amysnellingpt @effinitupfaye @lottie_storey @bodyconfidencecards_db @rachel_hobnobs & @aceandping 💕 LOVE YOU ALL! 💕
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[Image description: A blue square with yellow and white text which reads “the body happy org”. This is the logo for The Body Happy Organisation CIC]
Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-sta Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-stained hoodie and tracksuit bottoms at least once in the past month 😐
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[Image description: Molly is wearing pink dungarees with yellow buttons over a black rollneck long-sleeved top. She has a monochrome striped hairband on and her hair is pink. She is also wearing earrings with boobs on them. She looks very pleased, both with her earrings, the pink hair and the fact she’s not wearing sleepwear, for a change.]
A new report from the Education Policy Institute h A new report from the Education Policy Institute has concluded an obvious gender divide in the well-being of young adults. If you’d like to read more check out this article by Eleanor Peake in @newstatesman (I’ve linked to it in my Stories).
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Every week I get messages from parents and teachers concerned about the impact of social media on their kids’ body image. And of course, I couldn’t write a book about body image in kids and teens without covering social media - there’s a whole chapter in Body Happy Kids dedicated to the subject. 
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The thing is, social media isn’t going anywhere. And just like it can be a force for anxiety, shame and general angst it can be a force for good too. The trick is in knowing how to use it positively (and in holding the platforms to account for not moderating the spread of harmful viral trends and online abuse, and creating algorithms that deliberately create division and harm mental health... but that’s a story for another day). 
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But how can we expect our kids to have a handle on it when we, as adults, don’t ourselves? 
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I don’t believe the answer is to ban social media, but I don’t think kids should be given unfettered access to it either. 
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They need help navigating this stuff, learning about boundaries, developing media literacy skills so they can think critically about the content they’re consuming (just like many adults).
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And we also need to explore how we might be inadvertently contributing to the problem, perpetuating appearance ideals and creating a culture where kids learn it’s ok to body shame under the guise of health and to value each other based on the way they look.
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As ever, it’s complicated. I’d love to know what you think? What are some of the boundaries you have around social media in your house - both for yourself and your kids?
#BodyHappyKids 
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[Full text in Alt Text]
When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnan When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnancy yoga class every week. It was the highlight of my week. I left each session feeling like I was floating on a cloud, and I used the poses and breath work to guide me through labour too. But then I had my baby and found that, as a knackered new mum of two, I couldn’t find the time for yoga. I no longer had the excuse of doing it “for the bump” or “to prepare for labour”, so what was the point?
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It wasn’t until I started reinvesting in myself and unravelling the diet culture perspective on exercise that I found it again, along with running, which turned to hiking, and swimming. 
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It wasn’t about preparing my body for someone or something else. It was about the process itself, the time to unwind my mind and move my body for joy, just for me. I’ve lost a bit of that this past year with lockdowns, and I feel it.
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I recently signed up to @theunderbellyyoga with @mynameisjessamyn and feel like I’m finding it again. I love that my kids can see me taking time for myself, and enjoying movement, and that they sometimes want to join in too. Even if it is a bit annoying sometimes (swipe 👀). 
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#BodyHappyMum 
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[Image description: Molly and her 6 year old daughter Effie sit on yoga and gymnastics mats with their legs crossed and arms in the air. They have their backs to the camera. In the second image they are sitting crossed legged while twisting round to the side, and in the third image Molly is lying on the mat with her eyes closed while Effie leans over her, being a bit annoying.]
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