Everyone has an opinion about weddings. The “right” way to do them, the “wrong” way, what’s symbolic and what’s just plain tacky. A bit like parenting, weddings can divide and bring together.

And that is exactly why we’ve had such trouble choosing our first dance.

We’re not particularly traditional people. We did everything the wrong way round to start with, having a baby first and all. And we’re not getting married in a church. So I was all for ditching the first dance altogether. But then I realised the endless possibilities.

For the first time in my life, I would have a ready-made audience that couldn’t walk out halfway through my big number. It would be my time to shine. I started to feel the warmth of the limelight on my face. I could feel the ache in my legs as I curtsied to rapturous applause.

With my jazzy jazz hands, high kicks and lift the likes of which Patrick Swayze would be proud of, I would win my audience. Frog could be my backing dancer. I’d have a standing ovation. I’d become a YouTube sensation. I’d be invited on to This Morning to chat about the moving yet skilful performance with Phil. Louis Spence would see my moves and he’d just have to invite me to join his dance troupe.  I’d get my own TV show, make millions and become Take That’s star dancer. In fact, I’d be invited to join Take That, as their first ever female member, because of my “special star quality”.

And then I remembered there would be two of us in this dance. I’d have to share the limelight with my new husband. He was, let’s say, less than keen on the jazz hands routine. He disagreed with me that Dirty Dancing is possibly the best film ever made. In fact, he thought it was the worst. (I only managed to persuade him to watch it with the promise “there’s fighting in it” – and the one punch in the entire film was sadly disappointing.)

So we canned the jazz hands and I got my husband-to-be drunk. In his inebriated state I managed to convince him to agree to another choreographed number. This time to Take That’s Greatest Day. But as his hangover set in so did the cold feet. So Gary et al were canned along with Patrick Swayze.

Then Granny from the North suggested a slow number. After humming the tunes to Lady In Red and countless other croony tunes, there wasn’t one that stood out.

So I’m opening the floor to suggestions. What was your first wedding dance and why did you choose that particular song? As well as the chance to steal your ideas I’ll get a good excuse to be nosey and find out all about your wedding.

*Jazz hands*

(humour  me – it’s the only time I’ll get to do them this week.)