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You know when you log onto Facebook, or chat to your parent friends, or write an email / blog post / card to a friend updating them on your life…. are you honest?
No, I mean REALLY honest.
Do you tell them about the time the other day when you lost your temper in a fit of exhaustion and shouted at your child, then instantly regretted it? Do you tell them that you gave your kids fishfingers and chips for tea the other day, because you were all out of organic veg? Do you admit that sometimes you let them watch too much TV, because you’re sick of the sight of playdough?
Please say you do.
Because, if you do, that makes you completely and utterly normal.
I’m sick of being confronted with images, conversations and Facebook updates about perfect parents living the rosy dream. Of course they’re doing the things they tell me they’re doing. They’re having nice times – like the one I blogged about earlier this week. These moments exist, I’m not denying that. But so do the rubbish ones.
Life’s not pretty and pastel coloured and non-tantrum filled and cuddly ALL the time. I refuse to believe it.
But the problem with only showing the good side of life all the time, is that it can lead to a skewed notion of what we should aspire to as parents. If you only ever see the wonderful days out and the happy cheery moments, does that mean the others don’t exist? Does it mean those of us that do experience the muddy moments occasionally are less than perfect mothers?
Again, I refuse to believe it.
The perfect parent does not exist. So stop beating yourself up if you can’t aspire to that ideal. The bar’s set too high. The expectation is an unrealistic one.
So stop trying.
That’s what I’m going to do anyway. I’m going to accept that my devotion and love for my little girl will see her through. I’m going to accept that there will be times she’ll watch too much TV. I’m going to accept that there will be times when tiredness will overwhelm me and I’ll fail to remain the Calm Mother Earth I so yearn to be when that tantrum from hell hits.
Because I’m a realist. Want to join me?
Really don’t let it bother you, there is no such thing as a perfect parent, we have the telly on too much and Iyla eats fishfingers and chips quite a lot as other than that the only other meal she eats in pasta with pesto but I just don’t feel guilty about it because she is happy and knows how much she is loved. My mum wasn’t a great parent when I was growing up, she didn’t really have any maternal feelings and every decision she made was with herself in mind. I have a set of things that I am determined not to do as a parent and as long as you are always there for them as put then first, and make sure they know they are loved, they will be able to forget all the other little things, I hope so anyway! X
I completely agree. Love is the absolute to everything. x
It’s a really good point that I hadn’t considered before. Of course everyone puts only the best of themselves out there for others to judge, but does it make me think my life isn’t good enough? I am always striving to be better than I am, but does that mean I think others do a better job? I do castigate myself for every parenting mistake I make – on a daily basis – so maybe I am aspiring for perfection. I think having children in school shows me parents who are constantly at their worst, knackered on the school run, yelling at their kids – 8.30 is the worst time of day – so perhaps I can see myself in a better light because of that.
I’ll let you into a not-so-well-kept-secret though – I serve fish fingers, chips and beans even when I do have organic veg in the house!
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with striving to be better – it’s a natural part of life. But if it’s striving for something that doesn’t exist, an unrealistic ideal, then it’s a wasted effort. That’s what I’m choosing to believe anyway. x
My Facebook timeline is awash with ALL my parenting fails……like the fact I’ve been desperately drying small pairs of knickers with my Hairdryer (again) or that my Girls have had quavers for Breakfast again…….I live in hope that by being brutally honest about my imperfect parenting & being truthful about just how many pints of Coffee it takes to get me through the day will, if im lucky, help any Mummies out there who might feel like they’re failing in sone way!! If nothing else, it should give them something to chuckle about…….!!!
You sound like the kind of person I’d be happy to be Facebook friends with!
I do (do all the things in your first paragraph). Paragons are singularly unappealing, whether they’re phoney or not.
They really, really are.
I always think parents fall into two camps: those who, like you say, are paragons of virtue, and those for whom being a bit slummy is almost a badge of honour. I’m happy just to be a ‘good enough’ mum, rather than always striving in vain to be a ‘perfect’ one.
..Because, as we all know, “perfect” doesn’t exist!
Thank you for letting me know! I am joining you right now. I think you could probably make this an international cause! x
I needed to read this post tonight. I am finding it hard work trying to do paid work, take care of Talitha and not have the house fall in on us. And I feel really guilty about it because I truly don’t think screen time is good for under-two’s but I have resorted to using the TV or an app more times than I care to admit because an email needed answering or I just needed to finish one more thing. Thanks for being so honest. Now go have an early night.
Don’t beat yourself up about it – we’ve all been there. Chances are she won’t remember, and try to keep in mind that you’re working for her anyway. We all have to do what we have to do occasionally. No one is perfect all the time. Remember – the perfect parent does NOT exist! x