It looks like the love affair is over.
My boob-loving daughter has, after a few false starts, entirely given up the boob. I know, I know. Get a grip and all that.
The thing is, this hasn’t exactly been out of the blue. First of all I whinged on about feeling rejected when she seemed to hate the boobs (it was the teeth – her teeth, I mean, not teeth on my boobs. That would just be weird). Then I moaned when she was all about the breastfeeding again. I wanted to wear pretty dresses and under-wired bras, see.
And now here I am, moaning again.
Don’t get me wrong, a big part of me is breathing a sigh of relief. So she doesn’t want that last feed before bed? Great, now I don’t always have to be the one to put her to bed. So she doesn’t want that first feed in the morning? Great, now I don’t always have to be the one to get up with her at the crack of dawn. I can wear dresses, underwired bras, even a jumpsuit if I’m feeling particularly daring (only joking – can you imagine me in a jumpsuit?). The wardrobe is my oyster. Finally.
But that doesn’t explain why I burst into tears in the middle of eating my chicken fajita tonight.
I just had a really vivid image of a tiny Frog, all curled up against me, softly breastfeeding. And now she’s nearly one and she hates my boobs and she’s not tiny anymore and she doesn’t need me like she used to and did I mention she’s nearly one? AGH!
After wiping the tears off my soggy chicken fajita, I attempted to explain this to the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine. Surprise surprise, he doesn’t get it. In irritatingly calm logic he pointed out that it’s all “part of nature” and that “babies grow up” (thanks for that). After I snivelled some more he shrugged his shoulders and said “it’s the circle of life”. It was at that point that I huffed out of the room – I don’t need someone quoting Elton John at me when I’m in the midst of a drama queen boob-related breakdown, thank you very much.
So it looks like I need to just get over it and stop harking back to the beginnings of Frog’s life. I need to look forward and get excited about all the new things we’re yet to experience, rather than the things that have now ended.
Not to mention making the most of this newfound freedom for lie-ins.