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You are here: Home / MOTHERHOOD / Babies / When your toddler starts sleeping through the night

When your toddler starts sleeping through the night

June 6, 2016 by Molly 18 Comments

19 months old

I never thought it would happen. Honestly, at one point last year I felt so deranged through lack of sleep I just assumed this would be how I’d feel until my youngest child turned ten or eleven.

Back then, we were co-sleeping. That worked for a while, but one day it didn’t. Baby Girl just woke up in the middle of the night and refused to sleep until we put her in her cot. It was a bit of a relief when she started sleeping in there, as much as I missed her warm little body snuggled into me. I could finally lie on my stomach and spread out. I would sleep deeper for the short stretches of sleep she allowed me, but the wake-ups were still multiple and regular. I was lucky to catch four or five hours of broken sleep a night.

I coped with it in the way that all parents cope with lack of sleep – sporadically. Some days I felt fine and others not so much. At one point last September I wondered if I might be a touch depressed, but then I had a full nights’ sleep and felt fine again.Turned out I was just supremely knackered.

Long term sleep deprivation does that to you – it makes you feel disconnected, flat, mentally drained. I’d flip from feeling happy and content to desperate and panicked. Everything would be coasting along fine and dandy but then something would happen and my reactions would be ridiculously out of proportion. I found myself sobbing over a spilt cup of tea, for example.

The worst thing was the un-asked for advice. There’s a real competitive edge to the whole baby sleep thing. Babies who don’t easily settle by themselves in their cot are not “good babies”. People want to solve the sleep issue and it’s often the first thing you’ll get asked as a new mum. If your bub doesn’t sleep for four hours straight at a time you can feel like you’re doing something wrong. Well, let me tell you new mum – you’re NOT doing anything wrong. Your baby (like many others) just didn’t get the memo.

We’d get periods where Baby Girl would sleep better and we’d kid ourselves we were into a new “phase” (FYI – is “phase” not the most over-used term when it comes to kids?!). Those “phases” lasted a few days and then the normality of multiple wake-ups would resume.

We never got to the bottom of what was waking her. Actually, I think lots of things woke her. Aside from the fact she’s a very light sleeper anyway, Baby Girl also seemed to suffer with teething, silent reflux, developmental milestones, colds, coughs – you name it, she would have it. What woke her one day would not necessarily be the same thing to wake her the next. There really was no rhyme, reason or predictability to any of it.

The irony of the whole situation was that she was a happy, contented, easy going baby (and then toddler) during the day. She’d sleep for a good two or three hours every afternoon and was a breeze to look after in ways her older sister – a fairly brilliant sleeper – never was. Both my girls are SO different.

Anyway, here we are. I’ve waited three weeks to write this post for fear of tempting fate. And I’m fairly sure we’ll probably get an awful night tonight. But still, we’ve had three whole weeks of Baby Girl sleeping for twelve or thirteen hours every night, in her cot. During those three weeks she’s even had a couple of sleepovers at my parents’ house – and she’s slept well there too.

So what did we do differently to provoke this spate of sleep? The answer? Ready for it?

Absolutely nothing.

We’ve stuck with the same bedtime routine (bath, boob, bed) since Baby Girl was tiny – mainly because it’s what we’ve always done with Frog. We’ve always been flexible with our approach to sleep, taking the “whatever works now” approach. I probably tend towards the softie side and could never leave her to cry as a baby, but now she’s a toddler some nights I do leave her to cry – and she’ll settle within about 2 minutes. I can now recognise the difference between a tired grumble and a panicked desperate wail. But still, we’ve never followed any strict “approach” – we’re far more mix and match parents (some nights I’ve even tried getting in her cot with her – those were low points).

Now I’m functioning like a normal human being on a normal amount of sleep I realise how hard sleep deprivation really is. When you’re in the midst of it you don’t really feel put together, as such. Days that followed really bad nights were gotten through in a haze. I felt out of it, with a head full of treacle and a nauseous stomach. I’d gulp down tea and rub my eyes until they burned. I have literally no idea how I managed to string two sentences together of speech, let alone get any work done.

There’s not really a whole lot of point to this post, except to bring some kind of sleep update to this space where I’ve written so extensively in the past on the subject. I’m no sleep expert – I firmly believe no such thing exists – but I’m a mum who’s been through the mill and come out of the other side still (vaguely) intact.

Now I need to find a new excuse to eat cake, I guess.

 

 

(If you’re on Pinterest, you can save this pin for later.)

Toddler sleep

Filed Under: Babies, MOTHERHOOD Tagged With: baby sleep, baby sleep routines, motherhood, mum life, parenting approaches, sleep

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Comments

  1. Sam - Travelling With Our Kids says

    June 9, 2016 at 8:34 pm

    Sleep deprivation absolutely sucks. Our eldest didn’t sleep thru until he was nearly 4 years old. Our youngest is 16 months and he doesn’t sleep either. I know how you feel. Just hoping our youngest sleeps thru soon. So happy your little one is finally sleeping x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 10, 2016 at 12:22 pm

      It’s the worst isn’t it? Apparently I didn’t sleep through until I was 5 – think my second baby is my come-uppance for keeping my own parents awake all those years!

      Reply
  2. Alice | More Than Toast says

    June 7, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    Oh Molly this is just amazing to read. I am SO happy for you – long may it continue!!!!

    Reply
  3. Polly says

    June 7, 2016 at 12:29 pm

    Woohoo!! Sleep is such an issue – they all sleep when they’re ready, but it’s so hard when they’re not sleeping thorugh isn’t it. Fingers crossed for many more full nights sleep for you!

    Reply
  4. Slummy single mummy says

    June 7, 2016 at 8:47 am

    You hit the nail on the head there with the ‘absolutely nothing’. My first daughter slept through from about six weeks, (I know?!?!) and at the time obviously I thought it was my AMAZING parenting. And then Belle, Belle didn’t sleep through until she started school. What did I do differently? Nothing. They’ll do it when they are ready, and I tend to believe that if you try a trick, and it works, chances are it’s just coincidence!

    Reply
  5. Kathryn says

    June 6, 2016 at 7:31 pm

    Hooray, you must feel like a new person. Long may it continue xxx

    Reply
  6. Jodie says

    June 6, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    I can’t believe how much she’s looking like you now! Well done on cracking the sleep. I’m too scared to write about our sleep because I know we’ll jinx it.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 6, 2016 at 5:26 pm

      Ha – my mum (and everyone else really) reckons she’s a mini me. I can only see it when I look at pics of me as a little one and then it’s like she’s staring right back at me! Yes I’m concerned I’ve probably shot myself in the foot writing this post and will undoubtedly get a bad night tonight!

      Reply
  7. Anna Prasad says

    June 6, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    I love this post, it gives me hope! My 15 months old is exactly like your baby girl, some nights are good, some are really bad. And when my 5 year old also wakes up at 5:30am it is a real struggle! Thanks for showing me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 6, 2016 at 5:26 pm

      There is Anna – hold on in there! If anything my 5 year old is the one causing us a bit of a headache sleepwise at the moment. Typical huh?!

      Reply
  8. Eleanor says

    June 6, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    I am so chuffed for you. I know how much it was doing your head in, and you deserve a few good night’s kip before the excitement of the next few weeks, I think!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 6, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      I think I do too – I reckon I’ve notched up at least two year’s worth of lie-ins!!

      Reply
  9. Lori says

    June 6, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    I am sooo happy that you’ve reached the light at the end of the sleepless tunnel! There is nothing so cruel as sleep deprivation to make you feel like you are loosing your mind. Hooray for sleep and a new lease of motherhood x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 6, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      Sleep deprivation is the utter pits. It’s so often laughed about but I didn’t find it very funny at all!

      Reply
  10. Candy Pop says

    June 6, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    Yay for uninterrupted sleep! And you never need an excuse for cake. Have a gorgeous day. x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 6, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      This is true. Cake for always!

      Reply
  11. Alison says

    June 6, 2016 at 11:43 am

    HOORAY! I’m so happy for you!!! Well done Baby Girl, and well done to you and NLM for surviving until now. xx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 6, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      Thanks Alison! I have everything crossed I haven’t jinxed it by writing this post… xx

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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Back in January I was on the brilliant @school.for Back in January I was on the brilliant @school.for.mothers.podcast - we talked diet culture around kids and practical things we, as parents, carers and teachers, can do to dismantle some of the messages and create body happy environments for children to thrive in. Here’s a little snippet and you can listen to the full episode wherever you get your podcasts ❤️ 
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Reminder: my book, Body Happy Kids is out 1st April and available to order now!
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[Video description: a pink square with blue audio wave and closer captioned text of a clip from an episode on diet culture and kids with Molly on the School for Mothers podcast.]
I am not “bossing” it. Or “slaying”. Or “hustling”. Or “smashing” it. I’m not even juggling or spinning plates or doing any of the other words we use as a glossy, marketable, Instagram friendly way to package up burnout culture, under the guise of “empowering” women (💪🤢). 
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What I have been doing, though, is working too hard. Call a spade a spade. I’ve been working too hard, neglecting my health, my relationships, my life away from my laptop. I cannot be everything to everyone AND work at the level I’ve been working at BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN BEING. And you are too. We are not robots.
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I care deeply about all my work, and things aren’t always this intense, but I wanted to sprinkle some reality into the Gram because I am so over this lie that *any* type of success or achievement doesn’t come at a cost, or involve many failures in the background, or require many other people to help make things happen. 
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I guess what I’m saying is, let’s be real about all that, as well as showing the achievements. I’m bloody proud of my book. And I’m so excited to launch the social enterprise @bodyhappyorg properly next month. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, and that there isn’t a price. 
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And with that, I’m taking the weekend off. See you on the other side 🥰🥰🥰
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[Image description: Molly sits in her office with her hands covering her mouth. On the back of one hand is written “Not bossing it”. She is wearing a pink boiler suit with a black and white top underneath. She has pink leopard print earrings on and her hair is tied back.]
This was taken at the start of half term, when the This was taken at the start of half term, when the kids were still enthusiastic about going for a walk. 1,705 walks around the same bit of countryside later... not so much 😬 
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If you’re struggling to get your kids motivated to move their body at the moment, go gentle. You’re not alone. Bad weather coupled with boredom coupled with the lure of screens is a heady recipe for lethargy - and that’s just me! 
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Seriously though, remember: all movement is valid. Even if it’s just a ten minute @cosmickids sesh or a little kitchen disco, it all counts. And if it comes from a place of enjoyment and fun, kids (and adults!) are going to be far more likely to want to get involved.
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What joyful movement activities are your kids enjoying right now (if any?!)?
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters are standing in a field. They’re wearing colourful wellies, holding hands and smiling.]
I founded a social enterprise 😵 . Introducing: I founded a social enterprise 😵
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Introducing: @bodyhappyorg 🎉
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We are a Community Interest Company dedicated to promoting positive body image in children. We help adults help the kids in their care be friends with their bodies 🥰. 
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Through workshops and classes, digital and physical resources (both free and paid) we help parents, carers, teachers, youth leaders - and any adults who are ever around children - create body happy settings for kids to thrive in. 
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We launch officially next month with a beautiful new website and lots of resources which we’ll continually be adding to. In the meantime give us a follow at @bodyhappyorg - we start posting from today and our page has been designed as a free resource on its own! 
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I’m privileged to work alongside an incredible team of people on this. Shout-out to the original dream team @chelseacoxstrategist @amysnellingpt @effinitupfaye @lottie_storey @bodyconfidencecards_db @rachel_hobnobs & @aceandping 💕 LOVE YOU ALL! 💕
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[Image description: A blue square with yellow and white text which reads “the body happy org”. This is the logo for The Body Happy Organisation CIC]
Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-sta Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-stained hoodie and tracksuit bottoms at least once in the past month 😐
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[Image description: Molly is wearing pink dungarees with yellow buttons over a black rollneck long-sleeved top. She has a monochrome striped hairband on and her hair is pink. She is also wearing earrings with boobs on them. She looks very pleased, both with her earrings, the pink hair and the fact she’s not wearing sleepwear, for a change.]
A new report from the Education Policy Institute h A new report from the Education Policy Institute has concluded an obvious gender divide in the well-being of young adults. If you’d like to read more check out this article by Eleanor Peake in @newstatesman (I’ve linked to it in my Stories).
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Every week I get messages from parents and teachers concerned about the impact of social media on their kids’ body image. And of course, I couldn’t write a book about body image in kids and teens without covering social media - there’s a whole chapter in Body Happy Kids dedicated to the subject. 
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The thing is, social media isn’t going anywhere. And just like it can be a force for anxiety, shame and general angst it can be a force for good too. The trick is in knowing how to use it positively (and in holding the platforms to account for not moderating the spread of harmful viral trends and online abuse, and creating algorithms that deliberately create division and harm mental health... but that’s a story for another day). 
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But how can we expect our kids to have a handle on it when we, as adults, don’t ourselves? 
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I don’t believe the answer is to ban social media, but I don’t think kids should be given unfettered access to it either. 
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They need help navigating this stuff, learning about boundaries, developing media literacy skills so they can think critically about the content they’re consuming (just like many adults).
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And we also need to explore how we might be inadvertently contributing to the problem, perpetuating appearance ideals and creating a culture where kids learn it’s ok to body shame under the guise of health and to value each other based on the way they look.
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As ever, it’s complicated. I’d love to know what you think? What are some of the boundaries you have around social media in your house - both for yourself and your kids?
#BodyHappyKids 
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