Life has been a bit of a blur recently. It’s fair to say the last month hasn’t been easy.
Some mornings I’m jolted awake by the 3.30am alarm call for work and my head screams don’t get up yet – just one more minute!
The exhaustion of the early starts, the long afternoons entertaining my beautiful but fearsome toddler and the evenings writing have taken their toll. There have been moments when I’ve thought I can’t stretch any further – and then I do.
The car breaks down on the motorway at 4.30am – stretch./ It needs scrapping – stretch./ I have 24 hours to find a new car – stretch./ The new car breaks down on the motorway at 4.30am – stretch./ It’s fixed, yet breaks again on the motorway at 4.30am – stretch./ The toddler gives up sleep – stretch./ A client asks for just one more thing at the last minute – stretch.
And then the elastic snaps.
I have a chest infection at the moment. It’s the miserable jolt I needed.
I can’t go on like this, trying to be Super Woman or Super Mum or Super Whoever. I’ve lost proportion of the things that matter in my life. The reason I’m working up to 70 hours a week. The people I am working this hard for.
My family.
So over the last five days, I’ve taken a step back. I’ve drunk in Every. Single. Moment with my chatty girl. We’ve played and laughed and read stories together. I’ve even got the paints out.
I’m determined not to miss out on this time in my daughter’s life. I’m determined to appreciate her and actually enjoy spending time with her, rather than absent-mindedly scattering a few pieces of a jigsaw puzzle on the floor or half listening to her 2 year old jabber as I prepare supper.
And since turning my phone to silent and not checking my emails every second I’ve found a huge release in pressure.
It helps in every area of life; as I give more of myself to Frog, I feel less guilty about leaving her to do a job I love. As I feel less guilty about doing a job I love, I enjoy it more – and do a better job. And so it goes on.
I’m left with moments like these. Moments where my daughter screams with delight and laughter as she has a waterfight with the little boy who lives next door.
Rather than sigh at the thought of chasing her around the garden to wrestle the wet clothes off her, I smile.
It’s moments like these that make getting up at ridiculous o’clock worth it. It’s moments like these that make me happy. It’s moments like these which I’ll take with me when I’m gone.
It’s moments like these that matter.
I know what you mean. I think I’ve snapped several times and it’s dreadful when it does.
I need constant reminding about why I do the things I do.
Karen x
Yes you must slow down Molly. You will be no use to anyone if you burn out, and do enjoy the moments, they go so fast. Hugs xxx
They really do – so precious. x
Oh honey, Tis a logistical nightmare, but frog adores you so don’t worry and slow down Xxxx
I will if you will… xxx
It’s so easy to get caught up and such a release to let go…what a beautiful ending…moments that matter…she is beautiful x
Thank you – she’s alright when she’s not having a tantrum! x
All to easy to get caught up isn’t it? Even if it’s just with Twitter. I’ve forced myself to put my phone in my pocket and actually pay attention to the crazy little girl having a bath in front of me each evening. Those emails will wait, very rare to get one that needs answering right NOW.
Oh and great photo, such a cute little girl
Such a great approach to emails – I’ve found a big weight off my shoulders since I’ve taken that view!
I love this photo-rabbit top looks brilliant! Chin up, I’ve only got 15 ED shifts left before i’m a lady of leisure and can come and help out! x
You’re right – the top is gorgeous! x
Hope you saved yourself the effort of bathing little madam after the water fight. She looks gorgeous and very happy. You are a very lovely mum. love ma x
All so very true. I think all mums are guilty of pushing and pushing and pushing ourselves until we can take no more. I have to say my BlackBerry is an absolute curse, and means my mind is never 100 per cent on my daughter, so I’m resolving to switch the thing off when she’s around. The emails can wait, because time sure as hell won’t. Get well soon.
lovely post Molly, and I really know how you feel I too sometimes think ‘what on earth am I doing?!’ when I spend the precious time with my three shouting and complaining, run myself ragged up to the early hours in the morning busy doing something and then sleep for too short amount of time before the next day starts the lack of sleep makes me more ratty and aggitated, which makes me spend less quality time with the children, which makes their behaviour spiral and I shout then feel awful and round and round in circles I go, trying to hard to make do and seemingly getting nowhere. It is those times when breaking point is a welcome relief.
I hope your feeling better and the chest infection has cleared up, and you keep on taking a step back and relishing those important moments.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the minor “stuff” of life and forget about the big, important stuff. Our kids, our family etc. Thanks for your lovely comment. x
Contrary to my name, I am FAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR from Super Amazing. My business is going from strength to strength and I LOVE work. BUT when you are working ridiculous hours, something has to give. In my case it has been blogging – not in the cathartic sense but the review side of things. I just say “no” now. I also have a cleaner 2x a week for 6 hours which makes a MASSIVE difference. Could this be something you could consider??????
I also step back from the computer every 6 weeks or so, really helps.
Good luck finding that balance!
Love S.A.M xx
I wish a cleaner was an option but I’m working all these hours to save for a house – if we had a mortgage now then I could afford the help but we don’t, so I can’t. That said, just taking a step back every now and again and accepting that sometimes things have to slide (be it the washing, the emails, a blog post or two) isn’t such a bad idea. As is accepting that perfection just doesn’t exist! x
what I love the most about this is the sentence about ‘chasing her around the garden’! It’s sooo fabulous that she’s up on her feet and running about – she is just so scrummy. x
You’re right – it IS fabulous. ANOTHER reason to be thankful and appreciate where we are now. x