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You are here: Home / ADVENTURE / Confession: I haven’t always liked play-dates

Confession: I haven’t always liked play-dates

February 21, 2018 by Molly 3 Comments

I feel like this is a shameful thing to admit, a dirty secret I’ve managed to keep hidden through seven and a half years of motherhood. But the thing is, I haven’t always liked play-dates.

Hear me out.

In the early baby days play-dates were OK, until the baby started crying, which could be any sodding time. I have memories of countless “play-dates” walking up and down with a screaming baby, apologising, while other babies gurgled serenely, smiling up at their mothers who were peacefully drinking hot cups of tea.

Sometimes a play-date went well. Bouyed with enthusiasm I’d line up ten more, cramming them in faster than a line of Dairy Milk into my mouth on a Friday night. Inevitably both me and my baby would suffer play-date fatigue syndrome after play-date number four, at which point I’d be desperately thinking up my excuses to dodge the next one scheduled for that afternoon.

And of course we all know a “play-date” with a baby is a pretty pointless thing. There is no playing involved and until they get to the age of about three they have no interest in the other child anyway. It’s all about the mums, which is no bad thing, if you can actually hear the other mother speak over the noise of screaming children.

Despite my love/hate relationship with play-dates I’ve always done them and, on many an occasion, been the play-date instigator. Call me a sucker for punishment, but my reasoning was, “It could be the ONE play-date that goes right!”. Plus, I’m a sociable person and as much as I loved my babies their conversations were often a bit one-sided.

Anyway, recently I’ve got into the art of the play-date again. And it is an art. Because so many things have to come together for a play-date to be successful. Your children have to be in the mood, for starters. They have to be not tired, not cold, not hungry. They have to be up for sharing (always a bit hit and miss). They have to be excited by the prospect of what’s on offer and not cajoled into leaving something else they think is more fun. It’s not always easy.

But when the stars and universe do align to offer up the perfect play-date conditions a successful play-date can be a thing of beauty. One where they children play together and the mums can chat. One where you walk away at the end with a feeling of smug satisfaction and a tiny hint of #winning at #mumlife.

Last Friday I had one such experience. We were up north visiting Simon’s family (the girls were flower girls at his brother’s wedding – cute!) offering up a fantastic opportunity to catch up with my blogging pal Colette from We’re Going On An Adventure, who lives very near Si’s parents. Keeping up?

Despite a challenging couple of days with the girls and a few frantic “warning” texts to Colette that they might not be “on best form” everything clicked into play about ten minutes after we arrived at Heaton Park – the play-date destination.

The kids ran around, stamping in ice and mud. Both girls made new BFF’s. They drank hot chocolate. Colette and I got to have a good chat. We took tonnes of photos (actually, I took about one, but Colette took lots – these are all Colette’s pics, she’s very good at photos as you can see). We vlogged. We generally had a very good time.

Watch the video here (and watch Colette’s here):

Which leads me to the conclusion that a successful play-date is one of those things that’s worth waiting for. All the play-date fails I’ve experienced, where the kids don’t get along, or the babies scream, or the house gets trashed, are all part of the “character building” steps of motherhood. They toughen you up, lower your expectations and keep you going until that one play-date where everything goes right, which you will inevitably enjoy almost as much as a cold glass of wine on a Friday night.

Actually, there’s an idea. Maybe I should make my next play-date a destination involving alcohol…

Finally, we had another mummy blogger play-date earlier in the week which didn’t go according to plan, mainly because both my girls were in a horrendously grumpy mood. We met up with my local blogging friend Karen at Our Tiny Diaries. I didn’t vlog that one (it would have been mainly Effie having a tantrum) but I did manage to take a couple of photos so, you know, it did actually happen.

Play-dates – are you a lover or a hater?

 

Filed Under: ADVENTURE Tagged With: motherhood, mum life, mummy blogger, Parenting, play dates, real mum life

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Comments

  1. Minal says

    March 6, 2018 at 4:58 pm

    Ma Colette .

    Reply
  2. Colette Burgess says

    February 21, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    I love a good play date but am lucky that one of my best friends has children very similar ages to my three and they generally get on like a house on fire, meaning we can just leave them to get on with it!
    We had such a lovely morning with you, i can’t wait to do it again.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      February 22, 2018 at 3:14 pm

      When the kids go off and play and leave the adults to chat, that is literally the dream play-date scenario!

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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