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You are here: Home / MOTHERHOOD / Breastfeeding a toddler

Breastfeeding a toddler

November 3, 2016 by Molly 5 Comments

breastfeeding a toddler

If you’d have told me two years ago that I’d be one of those mums who would be practising extended breastfeeding,  I’d probably have laughed in your face. It’s not that I had a plan to wean off the boob at a certain age, it’s just that I never pictured myself as a mum who would be breastfeeding a toddler. Back then, in my head, mums who did extended breastfeeding were all muesli munching yoghurt knitters who only wore clothes made from hemp. Yeah, I guess I was pretty judgemental (secretly, of course).

And then I found myself carrying my baby around in a sling, co-sleeping and doing pretty much every Attachment Parenting technique in the book. None of this was planned either, it’s just that at the time these seemed like the easy choices. The sling meant my hands were free to carry book bags and drinks bottles on the school run while co-sleeping was the only way I could get more than twenty seconds sleep. In fact, my baby would have slept sellotaped to my face if she’d been given the chance. It’s fair to say I was an accidental attachment parent.

Fast-forward two years and here we are, no longer co-sleeping but still as committed to the boob as ever. When Frog was 13 months old she weaned naturally onto a cup and straw, losing all interest in the breast. But her sister is a very different kettle of fish. Not only is she showing no signs of losing interest but now that she’s starting to speak she’s becoming more vocal of her love of “boobie” than ever.

On the one hand I’m relaxed about it. I tell myself that she won’t still be breastfeeding aged 30, and that she’ll stop when she’s ready – and to do it at her pace will be far less of a headache for everyone. But on the other hand I find breastfeeding a toddler a pain in the arse on regular occasions. Some days I don’t want to be climbed all over while I have my nipples tweaked and little hands ferreting around my top. Some days I just want my personal space – you know?

Plus, when I look at this adorable, cheeky and ever so slightly knowing face, I catch myself realising she is definitely no longer a baby. To breastfeed a child this big seems kind of, odd…

extended breastfeeding

Yet here we are. Still going strong with the boob and still with no plan to stop. And I guess the thing that it keeps coming back to is that it just doesn’t feel right to go cold turkey and force her off it if she’s not ready. Truth be told, I’m probably not ready either. There’s a high chance this is my last baby and these puppies won’t see any action (not of that kind anyway) ever again once Baby Girl packs them away for good. So as much as I gently moot the idea of “giving up boobie”, I know that somewhere deep down I may be a little bit sad when it does eventually come to an end.

More than that though, it’s about convenience. I never had that magic tantrum pill when Frog was this age, because she had long given up the boob. Whereas now, with breastfeeding, I have an instant answer to alleviate the trickiest of tantrums. People often remark that she must be “really clingy” because she’s still breastfed, but the truth is, she’s not. In fact, she’s far more secure and confident than Frog was (and still is). She’s a different child and knows no fear. She’ll happily walk into a room full of strangers without so much as a backwards glance at her mother.

Every day is different and – as I said before – I have no plan. Some days Baby Girl will ask for boob during the day and it’s simply not convenient, so I’ll tell her no and give her a bottle of cow’s milk instead (which she’s happy with). Some days she’ll be upset and really need the comfort of breastfeeding. We always feed first thing in the morning and last thing at night, although when she stays with my parents she doesn’t even think to ask for it – she’s happy with a bottle.

There’s no rhyme or reason to it all, and I’ve long come to accept that’s OK. Parenting isn’t a rigid one-size-fits-all thing. You don’t need to pick a camp and stay with it. I’m not an attachment parent but I’m not a Gina Ford mum either. Every day brings a new set of challenges and a new way of overcoming them.

And so I find myself doing yet another thing I swore I’d never do pre-motherhood (just like using the iPad or the TV as an occasional babysitter).

I’ve vlogged about this very subject over on my YouTube channel this week, if you fancy a watch or want to jump in with any comments.

And I blogged about it for BabyCentre too recently – along with a gallery showing some of the benefits of extended breastfeeding (some of them are quite surprising actually).

 

Pin this post for later:

breastfeeding-a-toddler-our-story-of-extended-breastfeeding

 

Filed Under: Babies, MOTHERHOOD Tagged With: babies, breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, motherhood, Parenting, toddlers

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Comments

  1. Lottie | Oyster & Pearl says

    November 15, 2016 at 10:49 am

    This is so interesting. My journey ended at 4 months with my first and ten days with my second, so this is a whole world I don’t now about! Glad you found your own path with this. Wish everyone was able to go with the flow and do what’s best for their family and their situation x

    Reply
  2. Laura says

    November 15, 2016 at 10:28 am

    We have the same going on and really enjoyed reading this Molly as I too have accidentally done everything in the attachment parenting book – at 22 months we are still co-sleeping because it’s the only way of getting any sleep and my youngest is what I can only describe as “Obsessed with the boob”. Not sure when we will wean (and at times I wonder if that day will ever come!)

    Laura x

    Reply
  3. Jos says

    November 4, 2016 at 10:41 am

    Still feeding S&E at 16months-I too use it when they’re overtired or feeling unwell with teething etc and sometimes if they won’t settle in the night but love that I have discovered how flexible it can be-some days we don’t feed at all (especially if I’m working) and this has allowed me the freedom I wanted but still means I can feed them on other days. I wish I had known how flexible it could be when I stopped feeding M at 13months so I could go away for a weekend as I for some reason thought there was no going back after that!
    Thanks for sharing! X

    Reply
  4. Alice says

    November 3, 2016 at 8:43 pm

    I found this so enlightening Molly – Elfie only BF for a couple of weeks because of her health issues and Hux until about 6 months (I felt like I wanted to get my freedom back), I think I’d do it differently if I had another though and would most definitely let the baby/toddler lead. x

    Reply
  5. Gill Crawshawhtt says

    November 3, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    YES I KNOW! with you on all of this, good and not so good. Plus, the nipple tweaking…*insert anguished face* Off to watch the vlog now xx

    Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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