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You are here: Home / MOTHERHOOD / Lasts

Lasts

July 22, 2014 by Molly 10 Comments

Sunny skies

Since becoming a parent I’ve been acutely aware of the passing of time. When you have a small person growing before your eyes you have this constant reminder of the transience of things. Tiny hands and tiny nails growing bigger with every passing day, to a distant tick, tick, tick. Strangers telling you, “Make the most of it – they don’t stay small for long,” as you battle through tantrums. Even the most grim of parenting moments seems to be a reminder that nothing is forever.

I remember, in technicolour detail, folding my daughter’s outgrown newborn clothes and putting them away safely in a box to be stored in the loft. I cried as I did it, a mixture of raging hormones, sleep deprivation and the dawning realisation that time was passing too quickly.

I would cuddle my newborn tightly in my arms in cafes, sniffing in that new baby scent – a mixture of milk and magic baby perfume – and feel secretly sorry for mums cradling a bigger baby. My baby was still tiny, I was behind them. I still had all this time to enjoy.

Newborn Frog

And then the daily desperation to hold on to the slipping sands sort of faded. As the physical changes in my baby girl slowed down, so too did the incessant reminders that she was growing. It all became more gradual in a way, until we’d be surprised by a first word or a newly acquired skill like clapping or pointing. And then it would be a cause of celebration, rather than a moment to mourn the loss of time.

As the firsts rolled in – smiles, steps, Christmases, toes in the sea – that tick, tick, tick was drowned out by life. We were too busy enjoying, battling, LIVING to notice how quickly time was passing us by. Until a last – and then we’d be hit BOOM with that realisation of what had gone.

When we relocated from Berkshire to Devon last summer I spent much of the month prior to our move in a state of lost limbo. Every day would be a last. A last trip to our favourite pub. A last cup of tea in my friend’s garden. A last day at nursery. It was a long goodbye – and I’ve never been very good at goodbyes. I get emotional and sentimental and nostalgic, forgetting the bad bits and viewing the past through a rosy haze. Like an Instagram filter that skews the real life and makes the ugly bits pretty.

Berkshire

And so, this time, I’m choosing not to focus on the lasts, but to enjoy the idea of the firsts instead.

Tomorrow will be my daughter’s last day at pre-school. The place that has been fundamental in our feeling content and settled in our new home in Devon. The source of new friendships, new skills and many, many happy memories.

But the last day of pre-school means the first day of the summer holidays. The first day of a summer spent by the sea, scrambling around on Dartmoor, rock-pooling in Cornwall, visiting beloved family up north, seeing wonderful friends get married, making plans and painting walls in the first ever home we can say is truly ours.

summer days

It’s our last summer as a family of three. The unit we’ve grown so used to over the past four years, full of shared experiences, memories and “in” jokes. But after the summer comes the autumn, when we’ll be a family of four, with a whole lifetime of new memories waiting to be made.

With every last there is a first. And the firsts are just as worth celebrating as the lasts, in my book.

Festival fun

(PS. I may not feel this way as I collect my daughter from her last pre-school session tomorrow, a blubbering, pregnant, hormonal wreck.)

Filed Under: MOTHERHOOD Tagged With: Berkshire, Devon, family, milestones, motherhood, pre-school

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Comments

  1. Ghislaine Forbes says

    July 24, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    Love the swimming costume! Can’t wait to see little F’s pic on FIRST DAY at school , wearing THAT TIE!! Make the most of the school summer holiday, it’s brilliant to have the time together as a family,love ma x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      July 24, 2014 at 7:50 pm

      We’ve got to learn how to tie the tie first! Love you Mum xxx

      Reply
  2. Milly says

    July 24, 2014 at 9:02 am

    What a lovely post. What a great change of perspective to celebrate the firsts instead of mourning the lasts. It’s funny how specific events draw your attention to time in a panic-inducing way. I HATED my 30th birthday. Irrationally, I saw it as the day I left my fun, carefree 20’s behind and had to start being more sensible. Never mind the fact that every single day of my life I’ve steadily been getting older – this specific day was the one that got all of my negative attention.

    If I’d just thought of it as my first ever opportunity to live in my 30’s, everything might have been better and would have been less of a party pooper. You’ve really made me think. Thank you 🙂

    Reply
    • Molly says

      July 24, 2014 at 7:50 pm

      Ah thank you for your lovely comment. I felt the same in the build-up towards my 30th birthday, which is madness really because 30 has been an amazing year for me! x

      Reply
  3. Emma says

    July 23, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    beautiful beautiful post. Erin’s last day at nursery tomorrow and I am ready to blub! She has been through so much all before school starts. Our two girls are troopers and here is to all their next ‘firsts’.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      July 24, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      They really are. And very funny too. xx

      Reply
  4. Adele @ Circus Queen says

    July 22, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    This is a lovely post, Molly. And so true. I must admit, I have a tendency to obsess over the future so I’m really enjoying this post’s call to live in present. I can’t believe how quickly it’s all going! Ophelia’s just started sitting up and that fact has me near tears (I’m obviously still hormonal too!). Hope you really enjoy your summer holidays.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      July 24, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      Thanks Adele – I have been the same in the past, fixating on the future and worrying a bit. It’s nice to step back and appreciate the moment a bit more these days. x

      Reply
  5. Ruth (geekmummy) says

    July 22, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    It’s my son’s last day at pre-school tomorrow. I am already a blubbering hormonal wreck about it.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      July 24, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      Well that makes me feel better – at least I’m not the only one! x

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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Hey 👋 how are you? I watched The Social Dilemma Hey 👋 how are you? I watched The Social Dilemma and nothing will be the same again 🤯 In fact I couldn’t bring myself to post for a full week.
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Here’s the thing: social media is bad for health and bad for democracy. Misinformation spreads like wildfire, we live in echo chambers which amplify the division in society and all the while the addictive hit of dopamine and validation keeps us coming back for more. 
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The algorithm doesn’t care about our reason for being here (no matter how worthy you think your mission might be). The algorithm just cares about keeping you here longer. We are not the customer, we are the product. 
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BUT social media also gives us connection, community, new ideas and space to explore our identity too. It’s not always bad.
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SO what now?
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✨We can post less. Particularly those who write about health - being on social media too much is bad for health so we need to consider the part we play in keeping people here. 
✨We can shun the internet pile-on and refuse to stoke the flames. Ask yourself, are you genuinely trying to do good and create change by calling out that person (and yes, celebs count as people)... or are you just trying to further your own profile? And if you’re following a pile-on: remember nuance exists and there’s often more than one side to a story.
✨ We can fact check before we share stuff. 
✨ We can follow a diverse range of opinions. Echo chambers create division - and society is more divided than ever.
✨ We can turn off notifications. We can create boundaries - phone free times (and maybe even rooms). We can talk to our kids about this too.
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The irony of posting this on social media is not lost on me. Social media CAN be a force for good, but we’re heading in the wrong direction. Take the good bits. Use it less. Spread joy. Cancel hate. Live more away from a screen ❤️ Any thoughts?
Dear PE teachers (and everyone), don’t do this 💔
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If you’re a PE teacher and you’re interested in engaging more kids in class then lose the diet culture and body shaming messaging - even if it’s meant in jest. Research shows kids who feel comfortable in their body are more likely to take part in sports, and movement is for ALL bodies, not just the kids with super athletic toned ones. 
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Want more insight and help with this stuff? Sign up to a Body Happy Kids workshop - we’ve got you. Oh, and read Train Happy by @tallyrye in the meantime.
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And parents - if your kids experience this type of messaging in their school setting absolutely challenge it. We’ve got a template letter on the #FreeFromDiets website you can tweak and a downloadable info pack about the workshops you can send to your school if you’d like them to sign up. Just hit the Workshops link in my bio and scroll down towards the bottom of the page.
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Creating a body happy setting can: 
⚡️increase engagement in class 
⚡️increase engagement in movement 
⚡️increase academic attainment 
⚡️increase happiness, confidence and overall wellbeing
⚡️help kids be more likely to engage in health promoting behaviours 
(And that’s just for starters).
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PS. I’m not coming for teachers - my husband is one. BUT research shows weight bias is often more common in PE teachers than other subject areas so this is a conversation worth having. 
#BodyHappyKids
I turn 37 in three weeks. When I was younger I use I turn 37 in three weeks. When I was younger I used to think 37 was old. It was “grown-up”, boring, over-the-hill. 
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By the time you were 37 you had your life figured out, wore sensible clothes and had waved goodbye to the fun stuff. 
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It’s no surprise I thought that really. Women aged 37 and over - particularly mums - were invisible. The only representations of older women on screen were the matriarchs. Ad campaigns and magazines featured young women in their “prime” (side note: 🤮 hate that phrase - what does “prime” even mean? We’re not cuts of meat. “Prime” baby making age? Is making babies all we’re good for?!)
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There was no space for any other version of women over 35. Women over 35 weren’t playful, fun, adventurous, sexual, curious. Women over 35 were Responsible, Sensible, Dutiful.
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Well that’s not what 37 is going to look like for me. Sure I do school runs and meet deadlines and wash smelly socks. But I also play and dance and adventure and enjoy my body. I feel like I’m just getting going to be honest. 
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37 is going to be a big year. I’m excited. I’m ready. And I’m certainly not invisible. Bring it on.
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#BirthdayCountdown #MumsGoneWild
Every year @GirlGuiding publishes something called Every year @GirlGuiding publishes something called the Girls’ Attitudes Survey. It’s a big piece of research into the thoughts and feelings of the girls in their community and gives an insight into some of the things that are important to girls and young women in the UK today. 
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The early findings of the 2020 survey have been released and the headline is (surprise, surprise) girls feel under intense pressure to look a certain way and it’s damaging their confidence and wellbeing. 
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Here are some of the stats:
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⚡️80% of girls and young women have considered changing how they look. 
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⚡️51% of girls aged 7-10 believe women are judged more on what they look like than what they can do (this figure is up from 35% in 2016).
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There’s also the finding that two thirds of girls support legislation to stop them seeing ads for diet products and weight loss clubs. 
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It makes for pretty devastating reading but is worth looking at, particularly if you have a daughter - I’ll link to the early findings in my Stories and the full report will be out next month.
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These girls are telling us not only do they feel this intense pressure to look a certain way, but that it’s causing them pain. They are telling us they don’t want the pressure, the ads, the constant barrage of negativity making them feel insecure about their appearance and their body. It’s costing them their wellbeing, confidence and health. 
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It’s time to listen.
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Sign the #FreeFromDiets petition. Tell your kids’ school about the Body Happy Kids Workshop for teachers. Call out diet culture when you see it (particularly when it comes for your kids). There are more resources in my bio as well as a post on media literacy further down my grid too. It doesn’t have to be this way. 💕✨ #BodyHappyKids
My babies started Year 1 & Year 6 today and as I w My babies started Year 1 & Year 6 today and as I waved them off to school after months of being home, it got me thinking about how my relationship with their first home has changed: my body. ❤️
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I have thin privilege but I’ve still often felt like my body was “wrong”. Why? Because like many of us I live in a society that taught me to fear fatness and idolise thinness from an early age. 
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Internalised fatphobia ran so deep that even after my body performed its most miraculous feat of my life - growing and birthing a human - I feared the softness of my belly.
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I justified the internalised fat phobia by telling myself it was about health, believing that health was a simplified concept I could control and monitor by a number on the scales. 
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And even when I started to suspect diets weren’t healthy I still failed to recognise the total system of oppression that diet culture is, how it harms so very many people including children, how it creates a culture where discriminating against people over their weight is seen as acceptable under the guise of health concern.
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I believe we will never end body-based oppression until we do the internal work too, rejecting diet culture & internalised fat phobia. Then we can challenge the health “facts” we’re sold by a multi billion £ industry, and investigate why we’re so ready to accept government diet culture infused health policy when we’re quick to question other policies.
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It starts with us showing body acceptance to our children, teaching them ALL bodies are good bodies, giving them the tools to question anyone who says otherwise. 
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This is not just about raising children at peace in their body. It’s about raising children who grow to challenge a system that harms us all, but particularly those in marginalised bodies. 
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For me, it started with exploring my feelings about my babies’ first home. ❤️
A little story about 🩸periods🩸 and intuitive A little story about 🩸periods🩸 and intuitive movement and diet culture - here’s the headline: DIET CULTURE MESSES UP OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR BODY AND THIS HARM RUNS DEEP.
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Let me explain. 
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This was me last week. We hiked up a hill and when we got to the top the sky turned a murky shade of grey. Within seconds we were being pelted by hail and rain. It was GLORIOUS. I felt ALIVE.
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Not so this week. Because this week I got my period. And instead of relaxing into it, being gentle with myself, I battled it. I got frustrated with myself when exhaustion hit and my brain felt soupy. I tried to dig deep to find my spark, my energy, I felt guilt at missing swim sessions I’d booked. 
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Why? Because diet culture runs deep. I examined it and realised I was feeling guilt at what I’d told myself I “should” be doing, rather than what my body *actually* needed. “No one regrets a workout! It’ll pep you up! Energise you!” Said the voice. But my body was bleeding and I was tired to my bones. I didn’t feel like it. And I felt like I was letting some invisible person down. 
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Last night I gave myself permission to be gentle. Cancelled all my swim sessions for a couple of days. Had a bath and put on my comfiest PJs. Turned off my laptop and phone, watched a film and had an early night. It’s what my body needed, and once I actually listened to it I felt so much better. 
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Embracing the seasons of my cycle and going with my natural energy levels is how I’m reclaiming my relationship with my body, I’ve decided. For me, this is the last internal bastion of rebellion against diet culture. And it’s (literally) bloody liberating 🩸⚡️💥
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