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You are here: Home / MOTHERHOOD / A mum’s guide for living with sleep deprivation

A mum’s guide for living with sleep deprivation

April 27, 2016 by Molly 4 Comments

Sisters in April

Baby Girl turned 18 months old earlier this month. I’d planned to do some sort of milestone post but then life got in the way. It has a habit of doing that at the moment. But I couldn’t let the 18 month mark pass without some sort of mention of life lately. And so I want to write about sleep, or lack of it, and share with you how I survived (and continue to survive) constant sleep deprivation.

A Mum's guide for surviving sleep deprivation

1. Accepting that sleep deprivation is really rubbish

People joke about sleep deprivation, but the reality is far from funny. It can be a very lonely experience, especially when you’re pacing the floor in the middle of the night trying to stop a crying baby from waking the rest of the house. It’s OK not to love this bit of motherhood, it doesn’t make you a bad mum. Sleep deprivation is no fun.

It can put a very real strain on your health, relationships, state of mind. At times, sleep deprivation has turned me from the mum I always wanted to be into a shouting, ragey monster who has zero patience and isn’t particularly nice. That’s the worst bit about sleep deprivation – it can have a profound effect on your personality. The nicest, most patient, loving people can turn into angry mush after a bout of no sleep. It’s used as a form of torture in some countries for good reason.

Girls

2. Talking about it

There’s also a sense of isolation when you get past the newborn days and your bub still doesn’t sleep – especially when everyone else’s does. “Is she a good baby?” people will ask, when what they really mean is “Does she sleep?”.  People tell you to “cherish every moment” and you can feel like the world’s worst human if you admit you’d rather be asleep than gazing into your baby’s face at ten minute intervals throughout the night. And so we don’t always admit to how we’re feeling. We bottle it up and put a brave face on, pretending that we’re totally fine with only sleeping half an hour in 3 days, and isn’t it all just par for the course of being a parent? HAR HAR HAR.

Well you’re not doing yourself or anyone else any favours when you do that. It perpetuates the myth that all babies sleep and it puts a barrier up between you and anyone who may be able to give you a hand. Some days I was lucky enough to have my mum round for the day. Instead of talking to her I just handed her the baby and went to bed, because I knew that little top-up of sleep would make me a better mum and all round decent human being.

Newborn fingernails

3. Giving myself a break

Once we got to around four months, there was talk of “getting back into shape”, or going out for nights out, or doing stuff that generally involved more effort than sitting on the sofa in my pyjamas. Some days I fancied it, some days I didn’t. I tried to give myself a break as much as possible and avoid any pressure to jump back into the world when I wasn’t yet ready. It’s not a race to get back into your skinny jeans. You won’t win a prize for going on a night out with your mates when your baby reaches 12 weeks old, if you secretly just want to stay home in your dressing gown.

7 months old

4. Knowing it was normal

Apart from breast vs bottle, I don’t think there’s a more emotive or debated baby subject than sleep. Everyone has an opinion on it, and everyone’s opinions are different. Unfortunately, despite what many would have us believe, there’s no miracle “cure” for a baby who doesn’t sleep. All this advice (that, incidentally, we’re far too knackered to read anyway) contributes to one overarching belief that it’s not normal for babies to wake up multiple times in the night.

Of course, the fact is, it’s TOTALLY normal. There are SO MANY people with babies and toddlers that don’t “sleep through the night” (as Gill says – what does that even mean anyway?). Babies that don’t sleep are not freaks of nature.

5. Knowing that it wasn’t my fault

My first baby slept, my second baby didn’t. This doesn’t mean I did anything wrong. None of it was my fault. Repeat this to yourself over and over again: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

Happy Toddler

6. Remembering that it won’t last forever

If you’re currently in the thick of it then take heart, it DOES get easier. And the good bits do outweigh the bad, even if it might not feel like that when your eyes are burning through lack of sleep and you think you might vomit. But it doesn’t last forever and, one day, you will look back and realise you’re through the worst of it.

Until then, eat biscuits, watch Netflix, ignore the hoovering and don’t even think about hitting up Google for some advice.

Tell me, what helped you survive sleep deprivation? Any other advice to add?

 

 

Filed Under: Babies, MOTHERHOOD Tagged With: baby sleep, breastfeeding, mum life, Parenting, sleep, sleep deprivation

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Comments

  1. Sylwia Perri says

    December 25, 2018 at 1:29 am

    Ahh mom of 20month old here that still wakes up every hour or two. It’s hard. Some nights are better but most of them are still hard and at this point no one cares and if you tell them they blame you because by now “all babies sleep through” I am hoping it will get better soon 🙁

    Reply
  2. Anna says

    September 14, 2017 at 2:22 am

    Best article I googled for help 🙂 Thank you!! – signed the mother of a 15-mo-old who hasn’t slept more than four hours in a row since her baby was born

    Reply
    • Molly says

      September 14, 2017 at 1:24 pm

      Oh it’s HARD isn’t it?!

      Reply
  3. Katherine Dilworth says

    September 22, 2016 at 7:54 am

    Great article !! Thanks Molly for sharing this post about Sleep Deprivation! It was very interesting and I really enjoyed reading it..

    Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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