• SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE
  • MOTHERHOOD
    • Pregnancy
    • Babies
    • Kids
  • ADVENTURE
  • STYLE
    • Interiors
    • Fashion
    • Beauty
  • FOOD

Mother's Always Right

Mum life, body image, style

  • ABOUT
  • PRESS
  • Podcast
  • Public Speaking
  • YOUTUBE
  • WORK WITH ME
  • #FreeFromDiets campaign
You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / “New year new diet” and other damaging things we tell our kids

“New year new diet” and other damaging things we tell our kids

January 8, 2018 by Molly 7 Comments

This post is a week late but forgive me, I was eating Christmas leftovers. Last night we found two Chocolate Oranges on top of the cupboard, bought for the girls’ stockings but forgotten. We shared one between the four of us. It was delicious. I felt no guilt.

Today I went for a run, my first of 2018. As I was plodding along, listening to a podcast (The Guilty Feminist – highly recommend), I was aware of my hips jiggling, my thighs rubbing together in the middle of each step, my chin shaking a bit each time my foot hit the ground. There is more to me since a month ago. More flesh, more bulk. My bum wobbles when I run up the stairs and my tummy juts out further than my boobs if I stand sideways in the mirror. But, for the first January in a lot of Januarys, I don’t hate what I see.

I saw my first “New Year New Diet” post on Instagram on Boxing Day. The second was on Facebook, the day after. As the beautiful in-betweeny bit of Christmas rolled on and people reared their heads out of their states of Chrimbo Limbo, the diet posts kept coming. A little piece of me died every time I logged on. I ate a piece of cheese to feel better. 

The thing is, eating is one of the joys of Christmas. For our meat-eating non-Vegan family it’s sausages wrapped in bacon, turkey that’s moist in the middle with a crunchy golden brown skin, succulent stuffing balls and perfectly done roast potatoes – crispy on the outside but fluffy as clouds in the middle. It’s cheese and crackers, posh chocolates, nice wine (for the grown-ups). It’s smoked salmon and slow-cooked ham with a sticky sweet honey and mustard glaze. It’s leftover turkey curry and pea and ham soup. It’s pork pies and homemade sausage rolls. Mince pies, Christmas cake, biscuit selection boxes from M&S.

I loved every mouthful of indulgence over the festive period, and so did my kids. We bonded over our love of the good stuff, laughing, rubbing our tummies and revelling in the elasticated waistband of our pyjamas. We were joyous, happy, content.

So why would I want to rain on that joy by standing in front of the mirror (in full sight of my daughters) grabbing handfuls of flesh around my belly and talking about a month of starvation? It seems counter-intuitive. Damaging, even.

We tell our children to enjoy their food, fill our fridges with delicious treats, laugh around the table and celebrate with special meals. Then, come January, we send out another message. A message of deprivation, of austerity, of body-hating. A message that it’s good and right and proper to go to bed hungry every night because at the end of it all we’ll be thinner and our Christmas excesses will be purged. Too much joy is bad for a person.

Your body is your body. And as someone who identifies as a feminist I baulk at the idea that any woman – big or small – should be made to feel an ounce of guilt over what they look like or how they choose to treat their own body. But there is a big difference between being healthy and wanting to shrink yourself through a fad diet of starvation (side note: there is a wealth of scientific research which proves most of these fad diets don’t work long term anyway).

This is the first January in a long time that I’ve really understood this. In the past I’ve told myself that I’m just trying to be healthy, to balance out the Christmas indulgence, when the real reason I’m eating lettuce for lunch and hauling my arse along to a workout session is because I’ve subconsciously bought into the diet culture that’s rammed down our throats from 26th December to 31st January every year.

I ate a winter coleslaw salad for lunch, with avocado and tuna. I went for a 6km run this morning. I devoured a quarter of a Chocolate Orange last night. I still eat carbs. My regular diet does not consist of cheese with every meal. I don’t enjoy a glass of Buck’s Fizz at 11am as I do at Christmas. It’s balance. And THIS is the message I want my girls to learn.

Their worth is not measured by their appearance. MY worth is not measured by my appearance. I want to be healthy and happy because I want to feel that natural buzz of elation that comes after exercise. I run for my mind, and experience shows that, slowly, as my eating habits return to “normal” and I do a bit of exercise, my body will slowly go back to how it was before.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, chase a fitness goal, complete a challenge. But one thing I want my children to know is that they won’t automatically be “better” if they are a certain size. They are allowed to enjoy food without guilt. A week of indulgence should not equal a month of starvation afterwards.

I feel sad when I look back at past miserable January days when I could have just been a bit kinder to myself, given myself a break. I’ve started so many years feeling like an over-indulgent failure because I wasn’t a particular size and didn’t have the willpower to survive on lettuce or juice for days on end. I would regret the fun and laughter of Christmas and every negative body-hating thought sapped away some of that festive joy.

With that in mind I’m not giving up chocolate or wine for January. There is nothing I want less of in 2018 except the big side order of guilt that used to accompany many of my meals.

I think this might be what freedom tastes like.

Happy new year.

Filed Under: SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: diet culture, healthy eating, new year new diet, new year resolutions, New Year's Eve

« Snapshots of Christmas 2017
Five things to beat Blue Monday »

Comments

  1. Ma says

    January 9, 2018 at 4:33 pm

    Glad you are not giving up alcohol in January. Just discovered we are staying at an Inn that serves real ale and eating at a restaurant famous for its cocktails. Cheers! Love ma x

    Reply
  2. Hayley - Downs Side Up says

    January 9, 2018 at 8:42 am

    So well put Molly! I am so with you on this. Added to which January is such a tough month! Why put yourself through the horror of deprivation in the coldest, bleakest month of the year.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 9, 2018 at 1:20 pm

      I totally agree!

      Reply
  3. Emma Longden says

    January 8, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    Love this! So very, very true. I am feeling bigger than I was before Christmas but I absolutely love all the food and alcohol that comes with that time of year and I shouldn’t feel guilty for having eaten well and enjoyed myself x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 9, 2018 at 1:20 pm

      You’re so right. It’s a given that we consume more at Christmas than usual. Enjoy it and know that things will return to normal once we’re not eating cheese for three square meals a day!

      Reply
  4. Jenny @thebrickcastle says

    January 8, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    I love this post. If only we could be so wise when we were younger – think of the fun we’d have had! 🙂

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 9, 2018 at 1:21 pm

      I know – it’s depressing really! x

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

  • Bloglovin
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

YOUTUBE

INSTAGRAM

If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
.
Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
.
Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
.
Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
.
(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
.
.
.
.
.
[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
.
PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
.
.
.
.
[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
.
I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
.
Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
.
.
.
.
.
Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
.
I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
.
ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
.
Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
.
.
.
.
Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
. 
I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
.
Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
.
.
.
Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2020 · Mothers Always Right. Design by Stacey Corrin

This site uses cookies: Find out more.