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You are here: Home / MOTHERHOOD / Breastfeeding a three year old – the end

Breastfeeding a three year old – the end

November 7, 2017 by Molly 7 Comments

breastfeeding a three year old

Last night, exactly three years and one month to the day she was born, Effie stopped breastfeeding.

I never thought I’d be the kind of mum who would be breastfeeding a three year old, it just worked out that way. “Boobie” was always such a huge source of comfort for my tactile youngest child that, a couple of weeks ago when we tried to force her to go cold turkey, it was so distressing for everyone that I gave in. I couldn’t sit by and watch my three year old get hysterical to the point of vomiting when there was something so easy I could give her to stop it all in seconds.

Yet here we are, surprisingly, just a fortnight after that horrendous episode, having apparently stopped. Without any tears or drama, just as I’d always hoped it would end: peacefully, happily and quietly.

breastfeeding a three year old

I feel like I should be upset, or at least a bit sentimental about it. I mean, that’s the natural reaction isn’t it? But the truth is, I feel kind of ambivalent. Perhaps it just hasn’t sunk in yet – or perhaps, as I suspect, the ending was long overdue.

From the day she was born the boob was Effie’s comfort blanket, her security, her sleep-maker. Anything could be solved with a quick breastfeed, from tantrums to exhaustion, it was her happy place and, as she learned to talk, she’d tell me “Boobie is nice and fresh! It makes me feel sleepy and happy”. Far from thinking it weird my kid could tell me this, I thought it was sweet. Still do, actually.

The turning point came a few weeks ago when my periods were getting so bad I decided to see a doctor. The past three years have been the longest in my adult life that I’ve not been on the pill so my body’s finally had a chance to experience a “true” cycle. Turns out my “true” cycle is truly dire. (By the way – I’d wondered about writing this so publicly, thinking talking about periods was a massive over-share and a bit gross but, actually, at least half the people in the world experience them and staying quiet about something that effects so many seems daft. Anyway, tangent, sorry.)

Back to the periods, then. The doctor told me I could immediately stop the mood swings, anxiety, low confidence and general angst that comes two days before my period is due – not to mention the crippling cramps that see me doubled up on all fours hugging two hot-water bottles. She told me a quick and easy way to ease the symptoms which have knocked me out for a good few days every month would be to go back on the combined contraceptive pill. As she wrote my prescription she told me I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed while using it, something I already knew. I took a deep breath and resolved to give myself three weeks to stop breastfeeding, seeing the first day of my next cycle as the marker at the end of the race.

The next couple of days I researched my options, just in case I couldn’t go through with weaning a three year old and it all got too much. People told me about the Mirena coil, various supplements I could take, potential problems with my uterus which might be causing the pain. I took it all in, researched a bit more, and came to a conclusion. I was ready to stop breastfeeding. But if it all went wrong then I wouldn’t go on the pill after all. I gave myself three weeks before my cycle was due to return. Three weeks to give up breastfeeding.

It turns out I didn’t need three weeks, because that appointment was just six days ago. In those six days we’ve gently discussed the end of breastfeeding with Effie. We’ve talked about the other things we could do at bedtime instead, like snuggling up reading stories. We’ve reassured her it doesn’t mean the end of cuddles or that she won’t be allowed to come into bed with us if she has a bad dream. But it all seemed to fall on deaf ears until last night.

Weirdly, I’d not planned for last night to be the end. It was just that as she was pottering about playing with her dolls after bath-time she seemed content and calm. There were no screaming over-tired tears or exasperated parents. The mood was quiet and happy. I asked her if she wanted milk in her bottle and she said no. So I asked her if she wanted to read stories in bed instead and she said yes.

After a couple of stories, snuggled up under the covers on the bottom bunk, she said “I don’t need boobie now. I sleepy. I read some stories instead.” So we read another story. Then she asked if I could stay and sleep in the bed with her. I explained I had to go downstairs to do some work and she just carried on reading for a bit, before turning to me and saying, “OK, you can go now. I go to sleep.”

As I walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs I felt like I was treading on eggshells. In fact, I didn’t even dare mention the whole boob thing to Simon until both girls were fast asleep half an hour later. “I didn’t breastfeed her tonight,” I told him. “No way! I don’t believe you!” He said. We were both so surprised that it had been that easy, it didn’t seem real.

Of course it might just be a fluke. She might ask for it tonight. We might think we’ve got off more lightly than we have. But, for now, it looks like we’ve reached the end of breastfeeding. The boobs are retiring. And, if I’m honest, I think they’re more than ready for a rest.

 

Filed Under: Babies, MOTHERHOOD Tagged With: breastfeeding, breastfeeding a toddler, extended breastfeeding, weaning, weaning a toddler

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Comments

  1. Nicola says

    November 22, 2017 at 7:21 pm

    Glad to hear it went so smoothly, my nearly one year old has never been that into BF, prefers a bottle so I assume she’ll end it herself too but who knows!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 22, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      I never would have predicted how it would end up with E. But I’m so glad it ended the way it did xx

      Reply
  2. Alice says

    November 8, 2017 at 8:04 pm

    This was such a lovely read, Molly. How wonderful that it’s come to such a natural and peaceful end when Effie was ready. xx

    Reply
  3. Slummy single mummy says

    November 8, 2017 at 11:32 am

    I remember feeling like this when I stopped breastfeeding Belle. She was about two and a half and I’d read so much about it being this whole grieving process that I don’t know what I was expecting really – but it was just kind of ‘okay, well that has happened then’, and on we went.

    Reply
  4. Hannah - Budding Smiles says

    November 8, 2017 at 5:53 am

    Sending you loads of love Molly, I know you said how awful it was the other week so I’m glad Effie managed it so calmly. I recently finished breastfeeding Martha at 17 months and the emotions did overspill at first, but it’s been fine. She has asked a couple of times and I’ve cuddled her and told her booby is all gone, which she’s been fine with xx

    Reply
  5. Jane says

    November 7, 2017 at 7:29 pm

    Aw boobie! I miss breastfeeding, but onward to snuggles and stories.

    Libs still assumes the breastfeeding cuddle position 🙂

    Reply
  6. Kate says

    November 7, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    This is so lovely. 🙂 I’m still breastfeeding my 19 month old who still gets so much comfort from it – I really hope that we have a lovely ending to our bfing story like yours!

    Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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