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You are here: Home / PLAY / What I’ve learned in two years of marriage

What I’ve learned in two years of marriage

August 27, 2013 by Molly 8 Comments

Wedding birdcage

Photo Credit: CP Photography

It seems hard to believe that I became a wife two years ago today. So much has happened since our wedding day, but it still feels like it was only last week.

I can remember that day with such clarity; the excitement and anticipation when I woke up in the morning, the lump of emotion that caught in my throat when I put on the wedding dress my mum had made, the look on my dad’s face when he gave his speech.

The thing is, a wedding is about so much more than one day. Our wedding day itself couldn’t have been more perfect, but it’s the last two years being married which have counted for more than any flowers or pretty dresses.

We’d already faced our toughest test before we said our vows two years ago today: becoming parents. The bone-crushing exhaustion of a new baby, the sheer terror that you’re going to do it all wrong, the elation and nerves and panic of those early days were all behind us.

That said, I think I’ve learned a few things over the past two years. We’ve faced other challenges and, I have no doubt, have many more to follow.

Here’s what I’ve learned in two years of marriage:

You never stop getting to know each other

Even if you know someone so well you can predict how they’ll finish a sentence, the truth is that there is always something new to find out. I’m still discovering funny stories the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine has yet to share with me, bands I never knew he liked, food that he hasn’t cooked for me yet.

In fact, because people change all the time and discover new things about themselves, it means that, as a couple, there are always new things to learn about each other.

The irritating things don’t go away

Wet towels on the floor, stubble in the sink, forgetfulness, losing his keys… the NLM still manages to irritate me in all the ways he always has. The irritating things don’t end when you become married, you just find better ways of not letting them get under your skin. Most of the time.

If you don’t listen to each other, it won’t work

I can count on one hand the number of full-blown, huge rows the NLM and I have had. Our different temperaments mean we tend to rub along quite nicely without massive arguments erupting. Of course we bicker – we’re normal like that – but raised voices and tearful rows are extremely rare.

On the few occasions when those have happened it’s always, always been down to a lack of communication. Either the NLM hasn’t listened to me, I haven’t listened to him, or we’ve both just failed to tell the other one how we’re feeling and expected each other to be psychic.

A sense of humour is still THE most important thing for us

I was first drawn to the NLM because he made me laugh. And he still does, every day. (He makes me scowl too – but often because he’s managed to make me laugh when I’m trying to be cross about something.) As long as he continues to make me laugh, and I him, then I think we’ll be OK.

Photo credit: CP Photography

Photo credit: CP Photography

Filed Under: PLAY Tagged With: marriage, relationships, weddings

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Comments

  1. Lindsey Kitchin says

    August 29, 2013 at 6:32 am

    Happy Anniversary Molly and The NLM, remembering your pretty day makes me smile. It’s my 21st anniversary two weeks today, all that you wrote wa
    s spot on. x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      August 29, 2013 at 11:36 am

      And a happy anniversary to you too! Our day was made so special by the beautiful flowers you put together for us. Thank you – so many happy memories. xx

      Reply
  2. pinkoddy says

    August 28, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    Lovely post and congratulations.
    There’s nothing more magical than finding that special someone.

    I have found that over 10 years of marriage actually those annoying habits become somehow cute, and part of what makes them then. You think about how they are the things you’d miss if they weren’t here. That actually I’m pretty irritating too – something I don’t think I truly appreciated before, but that he loves me anyway.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      August 29, 2013 at 11:37 am

      Ha – I know I’m pretty irritating too, aren’t we all?! x

      Reply
  3. TheMadHouse says

    August 27, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    Congratulations on two years (cotton I think).

    I have to keep working at my marriage. 18 years on and some days it feels like we only got married yesterday!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      August 29, 2013 at 11:39 am

      Know the feeling!

      Reply
  4. Kate says

    August 27, 2013 at 9:01 am

    I would agree with all of this…….I have been married for (nearly) 11 years *wonders how that is possible* and, as yet, we haven’t tried to kill each other and no one has uttered the “D” word so we must be doing something vaguely right…..
    Yes, there are days when I could happily punch him but for the most part I wouldn’t swap him……unless, of course, he’s having a particularly grumpy day and then I’d donate him to medical science without a backwards glance!! (Kidding)
    I love that the Girls are quite clearly a mixture of me AND him……We make a pretty good team really……

    Reply
    • Molly says

      August 29, 2013 at 11:42 am

      Aw, you two sound brilliant. Glad mine isn’t the only grumpy one too!

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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