What I’ve learned in two years of marriage

Photo Credit: CP Photography

It seems hard to believe that I became a wife two years ago today. So much has happened since our wedding day, but it still feels like it was only last week.

I can remember that day with such clarity; the excitement and anticipation when I woke up in the morning, the lump of emotion that caught in my throat when I put on the wedding dress my mum had made, the look on my dad’s face when he gave his speech.

The thing is, a wedding is about so much more than one day. Our wedding day itself couldn’t have been more perfect, but it’s the last two years being married which have counted for more than any flowers or pretty dresses.

We’d already faced our toughest test before we said our vows two years ago today: becoming parents. The bone-crushing exhaustion of a new baby, the sheer terror that you’re going to do it all wrong, the elation and nerves and panic of those early days were all behind us.

That said, I think I’ve learned a few things over the past two years. We’ve faced other challenges and, I have no doubt, have many more to follow.

Here’s what I’ve learned in two years of marriage:

You never stop getting to know each other

Even if you know someone so well you can predict how they’ll finish a sentence, the truth is that there is always something new to find out. I’m still discovering funny stories the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine has yet to share with me, bands I never knew he liked, food that he hasn’t cooked for me yet.

In fact, because people change all the time and discover new things about themselves, it means that, as a couple, there are always new things to learn about each other.

The irritating things don’t go away

Wet towels on the floor, stubble in the sink, forgetfulness, losing his keys… the NLM still manages to irritate me in all the ways he always has. The irritating things don’t end when you become married, you just find better ways of not letting them get under your skin. Most of the time.

If you don’t listen to each other, it won’t work

I can count on one hand the number of full-blown, huge rows the NLM and I have had. Our different temperaments mean we tend to rub along quite nicely without massive arguments erupting. Of course we bicker – we’re normal like that – but raised voices and tearful rows are extremely rare.

On the few occasions when those have happened it’s always, always been down to a lack of communication. Either the NLM hasn’t listened to me, I haven’t listened to him, or we’ve both just failed to tell the other one how we’re feeling and expected each other to be psychic.

A sense of humour is still THE most important thing for us

I was first drawn to the NLM because he made me laugh. And he still does, every day. (He makes me scowl too – but often because he’s managed to make me laugh when I’m trying to be cross about something.) As long as he continues to make me laugh, and I him, then I think we’ll be OK.