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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / Body image and kids – how to promote a body positive household

Body image and kids – how to promote a body positive household

July 17, 2018 by Molly 2 Comments

A couple of weeks ago I was in the changing rooms of our local outdoor pool. It was a hot sunny day and the pool was packed. There were families and kids and teenagers and a whole load of people just messing about in the water, sunbathing and generally having fun. In the changing rooms though, there was a teenage girl crying. The reason? She was absolutely terrified of going out into the pool area in her bikini.

As she sobbed to her friend that her boobs were too big, her thighs were too big, her bum was too round, groups of other kids threw themselves into the water outside, splashing each other and laughing. It made me feel so sad.

As a mum this is something I’m really aware of. Teen girls in the UK have a worryingly low level of esteem when it comes to their own body image – which is why, as I explained here, this is a subject I’ll continue to talk about. And it’s not just teen girls, it’s teen boys, grown women, grown men. It’s an issue, particularly in this country.

Things I want my daughters to understand as they grow older:

  1. Their self-worth is not defined by the way they look or the shape of their body.
  2. We are all entitled to the same level of respect, kindness and humanity, no matter how we look. We are all human.
  3. Life is too short to be confined by the pre-conceived judgements of other people. If you want to wear a bikini on the beach then wear a bikini on the beach.
  4. We can never be responsible for other people’s opinions.
  5. No one’s body exists to be judged by anyone else.

These are all big worthy ideas but I’m more than aware they aren’t the kind of statements you can just make and hope to sink in. So, instead of talking about this stuff with my kids – they’re too young to really understand this stuff anyway – I SHOW them.

Here are four ways I try to promote a healthy attitude towards body image in our house:

1. I don’t talk about diets

I don’t do diets. I don’t even talk about “healthy eating”. My kids know they need a balanced diet and that includes fruit and veg, but no foods are “banned” – either for them or me. I don’t want them to see me denying myself an ice-cream on a sunny day, or eating courgetti instead of spaghetti and then still feeling hungry afterwards.

If you’re not persuaded by the validity of this approach then don’t take it from me – Laura Thomas – AfN registered nutritionist and Instagram legend talks about diet culture and disordered eating and smashes any pseudo-science myths around food spectacularly. Plus, she has a new book out called Just Eat It which I am definitely going to pre-order.

2. I’m relaxed about being naked

I’m in the Marina Fogle camp when it comes to being naked around kids. Naked bodies are not something to be ashamed of – it’s natural to be naked! I’m not saying we’re naturists (we’re not) but having a relaxed approach to being nude gives my kids the chance to see what a normal naked body looks like, and for them to see that I’m comfortable in my own skin. I don’t cook the Sunday roast in the buff or do naked gardening, but I don’t jump out of the shower and immediately cover myself up with a towel or dash to get dressed with the bedroom door closed either.

3. I compliment myself

We all have off days, but even on my off days I don’t look in the mirror and say mean things about myself. If I like an outfit I’ll say “Oh I like this dress on me” or if someone pays me a compliment I’ll accept it with grace and say “Thank you” instead of brushing it off. My kids think I’m beautiful, so if I stood in front of them telling them they are wrong, that Mummy’s belly is too wobbly or that Mummy shouldn’t wear X, Y or Z because her body isn’t the right shape then I feel like that would shatter something for them.

4. I compliment other people

I have friends of all different shapes and sizes and each and every one of them is beautiful – and I make sure my kids hear me saying so. It’s not just the way they look, but their cleverness, their kindness, their creativity and inspiring attitudes which are beautiful – and again, I make sure my kids hear me saying so. If I’ve met up with a friend they don’t know then I’ll often show them a pic and tell them about my friend, and why I like that person. In this way I hope they get to understand that everyone has their own beauty and it’s far more than skin deep.

 

It remains to be seen if this attitude will work. But I hope beyond hope that it might let my kids grow into teenagers and women who don’t ever let their perceptions about their appearance hold them back from just living their life.

As a teen, I grew up surrounded by images of one particular type of body on mainstream media – on TV and in magazines. But my own kids will grow up with this AS WELL as the world of Instagram and photo filters. If I can do a few small things to try to counteract that culture then maybe, possibly, hopefully, they’ll avoid sitting in a changing room on a hot sunny day, crying, while their friends play in the swimming pool outside.

 

Filed Under: Kids, MOTHERHOOD, SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: body confidence, body image, body image and kids, body image issues, body positive, body positivity

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Comments

  1. Lisa says

    July 17, 2018 at 1:50 pm

    As somebody with body image issues I try not to convey this to my daughter but it can be hard sometimes. Growing up I looked anorexic and was monitored through the hospital as I was so tiny. I ate like a horse. The doctors always talked about aiming for ‘normal’. We eat healthily as a family but I think as a result of years of monitoring that I’ve never felt ‘normal’

    Reply
    • Molly says

      July 21, 2018 at 10:27 am

      Body image is such a hugely emotive topic isn’t it? And it’s not always easy to be positive if you’re not feeling naturally happy about your body. But I think the fact you’re aware of it and are trying to raise your daughter without having these issues herself shows what a lovely mum you are. Thank you for your comment. xx

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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