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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / Body image issues don’t just affect bigger people

Body image issues don’t just affect bigger people

June 25, 2018 by Molly 7 Comments

body confidence as a mum

I’m a size 12 and weigh ten stone and five pounds (I know this because I just weighed myself for the first time in six months). This means I am two dress sizes smaller and a stone lighter than the average UK woman. I am also three dress sizes larger and at least a couple of stone heavier than the average UK model. I’m not curvy but I’m not willowy thin – my body doesn’t “fit” anywhere. But this doesn’t mean I can’t talk about body confidence.

I’ve never been discriminated against because of my size, never had to put up with disgusting abuse because of the shape of my body, never been made to sit on a different seat on the bus or a plane. And for this, I am well aware of my privilege.

I have, however, suffered moments of crippling self doubt and self hate, often triggered by feelings about my body. And this is why I’m going to continue to talk about body confidence and unpick ideas about body image and what they mean to me, despite not being a bigger woman and having been lucky enough to never have suffered abuse for my size.

The body positive movement is an important one fighting to free marginalised bodies and battle fatphobia (Megan at Bodyposipanda writes beautifully on this). I’m fully aware that the shape of my body does not put me in this group of oppressed people. But I also feel that messages of body acceptance, body confidence and self love should not be confined to any one body shape. 

I know larger women who’ve been discriminated against because of their size and I know smaller women who’ve battled eating disorders born from a hatred of their body. I know women who’ve had real relationship problems because of their feelings about their own naked bodies and I know women who’ve never taken their kids swimming because they can’t face the idea of being in a swimming cozzie in public. All of these women range from sizes 8 to 24.

The UK teen girl population has one of the lowest levels of body image in the world, with only 39% of our teen girls having high body esteem according to the 2017 Dove Global Girls Beauty and Confidence Report. If you surveyed these girls’ mums I’m sure the figure would be even lower. We have a bad relationship with our bodies here in the UK, and it’s not helped by the constant images we see of one type of body in magazines, on TV (Love Island, anyone?) and social media.

And this is why, as much as I loved the amazingly written article by Laura Jane Williams in Red Magazine on body image, I disagreed with some of it. Laura writes that “the only way to empower myself, and to also empower the women around me to accept their bodies in whatever shape and size they come in, is to remove discussion around them full stop.”

Laura argues that, “to analyse and dissect our appearance continues to fuel the idea that bodies exist to be analyzed and dissected – no matter how positively we try to do it”. I can see this, yet I feel like the alternative – to stop talking about the subject at all – is not the solution.

I agree that our society is far too focused on appearance. And I hate that “Ooh have you lost weight?” is seen as the ultimate compliment. But I think we do need to keep talking about body image, self love, body acceptance and sharing photos of our normal bodies in all shapes and sizes in order to normalise the idea that we are all different and no one shaped body is better or worse than another.  Staying silent on this subject could push us into a place where the next body image survey shows an even lower number of UK girls with high body esteem.

I feel strongly about this stuff as a mum of girls but I also recognise that body image issues are not confined to one gender. I know men with body confidence dilemmas that are holding them back from enjoying life, meeting people and doing regular stuff like going on holiday with their friends and families. Body confidence is a human-wide subject.

For me, body confidence is not about losing a stone and putting a photo of yourself on Instagram with the caption “I feel amazing, I’ve lost a stone, I can finally wear a bikini! #bodyconfident”. If that’s you then all power to you, but it’s not my take on the subject because, for me, it’s not about loving your body AFTER you’ve lost weight or feeling good about yourself AFTER you’ve “corrected” a so-called “flaw”. It’s about accepting – and, hopefully ultimately loving – your body as it is RIGHT NOW.

That’s not so say you’ll love it every second of every day and it’s not to say you won’t want to change something about it at some point. But wouldn’t be it brilliant to get to a place where we all felt truly comfortable and confident in our own skin, without looking in the mirror and seeing all the things we want to change about ourselves?

I have so much more to say on this subject but for now I wanted to pop in and say HI! I’m back! Now I’m back from my work trip abroad I’ll be posting regularly again and, if you saw my little update video on YouTube or follow me on Instagram, you’ll know body image, confidence and self love are all things that are likely to make an appearance in my content from now on.

For now, I’ll leave you with a big old internet hug, a smile that reaches my eyes (laughter lines for the win) and an attitude that says you are worthy of love and acceptance WHATEVER your body size.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: body awareness, body confidence, body image, body shape, mum bodies

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Comments

  1. Stevie - A Cornish Mum says

    June 28, 2018 at 1:03 pm

    I have been a whole range of sizes over the years and all the sizes have had one thing in common I have always wanted to be smaller… even when I was pretty teeny. I’ve always wanted to be something other than what I am and it really is so damaging to your mental well being and it does drag you down. You can definitely hate your body when you’re a small size or a large size the same as you can love your body no matter what size you are.

    It isn’t down to being an acceptable size or looking an acceptable way for someone else, it is all about accepting yourself and being happy with who and how you are without feeling like you don’t deserve or want to wear a particular thing because you’ll look awful or people might judge you.

    I am so much happier these days with who I am, am I skinny and have my looks changed drastically?… hell no, but the way I think about myself has and the way I treat myself has. I am done dieting and pretty much punishing myself for not being perfect. I’m trying to eat better and exercise more, but for my health and myself not to look a certain way or drop a dress size.

    Thanks to your posts on Instagram lately and other posts from others on a similar theme, they gave me an extra nudge and I have actually gotten my legs out today and I feel so much more comfortable temperature wise and I just don’t care what other people think at all.

    Stevie x

    Reply
  2. Morgana says

    June 27, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    Yes, Molly! I loathe that the go to compliment is ‘You look like you’ve lost weight’ but I’ll admit it’s taken me to the age of 30 something to recognise how damaging and insidious it is. It’s an ongoing process for me personally to deconstruct my body image issues and question and consider the influences I allow to dictate to me. I can often be happy in my own skin, but give me an afternoon with a group of women discussing diets, the gym and parts of their body they are ‘working on’ and I soon revert to my teenage self conscious persona and wonder whether this is what I should be doing too! x

    Reply
  3. Alison says

    June 25, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    Love this post. I had mixed feelings about the Red piece too. On one hand, it would be great if this conversation wasn’t needed, and as someone who doesn’t talk about diets or ‘being fat’ or anything negative body-wise around my daughter, I see the value in removing something from day to day conversation to help shape positive thoughts. But on the other hand…. are we at risk of sweeping it under the carpet? Forcing those conversations to be whispered because they’re taboo?
    I’m a size 14-18 depending on where I’m shopping and, like you, I’ve never been abused because of my body shape (well, as an adult anyway) but I have had so many issues with my body over the years – real, proper, ruin your day/week/month, suck the joy out of life issues. I’ve found the recent conversations around body confidence have helped me hugely and I think it’s important to keep having those conversations – and hearing from women of all shapes and sizes.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 25, 2018 at 5:54 pm

      Totally. I think it’s very easy to dismiss negative body image feelings that can completely ruin people’s lives by saying, “Well what would you know about it, you’re a size XXX” which is really damaging. Because then you get people who are too scared to talk about their real feelings for fear of offending others who might not have the same shape. But obviously I’m well aware that I don’t want my voice to drown out others’ on the internet who’ve suffered real abuse and been marginalised because of the shape of their body. For what it’s worth, I’m happier with my body now than I ever have been and I’m probably bigger and saggier and wobblier than I’ve ever been. For me, it’s been about a change of mindset rather than a change of body. x

      Reply
  4. Sally says

    June 25, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    I think it would be unbelievably great if we could accept that for some women the conversation that needs to be had is probably something like, “Why is my perception of my body so negative?” And that’s a conversation about confidence and social values and norms and it’s important and valuable. The massive lack of confidence many women feel after childbirth in particular, is a pernicious and sad thing.

    It would be equally (and perhaps even more) great if we could accept and understand that this isn’t the same conversation as body positivity and the harm that conflating those two issues can do – not just on a larger scale of how society views and talks about body positivity and marginalised bodies, but also on a smaller, human scale of how it hurts owners of marginalised bodies to see their rallying cry taken over by people who’ve never walked a mile in their shoes.

    I posted something on Twitter recently about diversity and I think that applies here – in saying it’s important for a marginalised voice to be heard, and we should be making that easier by amplifying those voices, nobody is suggesting everyone else shouldn’t talk as well.

    It’s just about allowing someone else not to be drowned out by the fact that certain voices find it easier to be the loudest and most visible. And those are typically voices owned by white, middle class, straight, cis-gender people in average sized bodies. A lot of us in social media have an enormous amount of privilege in oh so many ways – and recognising that doesn’t mean ignoring the things we still find challenging, or asking for support in overcoming those challenges.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 25, 2018 at 5:18 pm

      I completely agree Sally. x

      Reply
    • Alison Perry says

      June 25, 2018 at 5:53 pm

      I think you’re spot on, Sally, with us asking why so many feel the way they do. I also think it’s worth saying that it’s OK for someone to NOT feel confident about their body. It’s not some sign of failure if, despite all of the positive messages out there, they still feel crap about how they look. And I agree with your diversity comment. I think it’s important for everyone to be welcomed into a conversation about diversity, as long as they’re prepared to listen and learn (which I know Molly is) and it’s counter-productive to tell someone they can’t be part of a conversation because they are white/slim/straight/middle-class.

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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