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You are here: Home / STYLE / How to wear what you want

How to wear what you want

June 20, 2019 by Molly Leave a Comment

There’s this idea that we have to stick to rules around fashion. If you’re over a certain age you can’t wear a short skirt (don’t be a “mutton dressed as lamb!”), if you’re over a certain size you can’t show too much shape (“she’s brave showing her tummy!”), if you’re a mum you should wear a “mum uniform” etc. Well I say balls to that.

One of the things I get asked sometimes on Instagram and at events is how to have “the guts” to wear exactly what I want. For some this might seem like a really simple thing – you walk into a shop, buy the outfit, and walk out again. But for others, the whole issue of clothes is one fraught with anxiety. What will people think if you wear something a bit more “out there” than the usual outfit? How will people judge you if you dare to bare more in the summer but you’re not a size 10? What if the shop doesn’t even stock your size?

Shopping for clothes can be stressful and disheartening and do terrible things for the way we feel about our body. I get it.

Get rid of the clothes that don’t fit

We often keep stuff in our wardrobe that no longer fits, thinking that having these once-beloved items of clothing will “motivate” us into “getting back into shape”. But the thing is, you’re already in shape, it’s just a different shape. We’re not meant to stay the same shape forever, and that’s totally normal and totally OK.

Keeping an old pair of jeans is pointless if they no longer fit because they’ll act as a constant reminder your shape has changed. And it’s very likely that even when they did fit you still had body hang-ups anyway.

So clear out your wardrobe with the old clothes (give to charity, or just store under your bed or in the loft if you can’t bear to lose them forever) and make room for some new ones. This isn’t to say you have to necessarily go on a fast-fashion spree – if you’re looking for ethical fashion tips then this post at Oh Wild is a good one to read.

Dress – Topshop | shoes – Primark (old)

Everyone is entitled to wear colour

I remember reading an article in a magazine once telling me that black is a flattering, “slimming” colour that never goes out of fashion. Some people love wearing black and that’s cool. But I am not one of those people.

The thing is, when I wasn’t feeling too great in my body I definitely veered towards darker outfits, thinking they’d help me blend into the background a bit more. I hoped they’d disguise my lumpy post-baby tummy and wobbly bum. So I wore black to be invisible, not because I found it an empowering shade that made me feel great.

T’shirt – Wanderkind and Wild | skirt – F&F | trainers – Vagabond Jessie sneakers

I’m drawn to colour more now, and I truly believe that every person has the right to put whatever the hell they want on their body – regardless of size. You don’t have to stick to black if you’re in a bigger body. Everyone is allowed to be seen (if you want to be).

I know fashion isn’t truly inclusive (although there are brands out there starting to wake up to the need for more inclusive sizing which is great – I love the new Sofie Hagen range at Plus Equals) but if you’re able to find colourful clothes in your size and you want to wear them then you have just as much right as any other human on the planet to wear the damn colour.

I’m in a straight size body (generally a size 12 depending which shop I’m buying from) but I still believed my body wasn’t “right” for the bright clothes. Or that some clothes were too trendy or young or “out there” for me. I now know this simply isn’t the case. I choose not to follow those rules.

Give up the idea of “flattering”

Often, when we say something is “flattering” what we’re actually saying is something makes us look slim. This is inherently fatphobic, both to ourselves and anyone in a bigger body. WHY should we have to wear clothes that make us look slim? If we believe we should wear clothes that make us look slim then we’re saying we buy into the narrow beauty standard that says slim = better / more worthy / more beautiful and we know that’s JUST NOT TRUE.

If you want to wear loose clothes because they’re comfy then wear the loose clothes. Some days I just want to exist in joggers and an oversized jumper too. But equally, if I’m in the mood to wear something tighter, or more revealing – regardless of the parts of my body it hugs – I’ll wear it. There’s huge liberation to be gained from giving up those supposed “rules”. No one says you have to follow them – it’s YOUR CHOICE.

Dress – Manners London

Skin is allowed to be seen

I used to think that once you got past the age of 30 you should automatically switch to a new, more “modest” wardrobe. In my early 20s I harboured this idea that once I reached a certain age I wouldn’t be able to show skin. And when I became a mum of two at the age of 31 I gravitated toward this idea, choosing midi skirts or long skirts – always avoiding showing a bit of leg (and NO WAY would I dare show any belly), giving up the bikinis.

But after my relationship to my body changed, and I started to love my body again – for ALL that it is – I realised that these rules, just like all the rest, are arbitrary. I hold no religious beliefs which prevent me from showing my skin. I don’t see skin as offensive. I think the sight of others enjoying wearing what they want regardless of their body shape is joyful, so why couldn’t I apply that rule to myself? So I did. And the world didn’t end. Turns out it’s just like anything else – once you do it once it gets a whole lot less scary.

Dress – New Look (no longer in stock)

How do the clothes actually feel?

I used to have a whole routine when I went into a shop changing room. I’d suck in my tummy, pull on the outfit and hope for the best. Before it was even over my head or over my bum I’d be checking to see what it looked like. If it was a smaller size then I’d contort my body into whatever shape I could to make it fit better. And only then, once I’d checked it out from all angles, would I actually stop to FEEL what it felt like on my skin.

Sometimes I’d even buy the thing, even if it wasn’t comfortable, because I thought it looked good. And then I’d squeeze myself into it, holding my tummy in all day, sitting at certain angles, feeling uncomfortable and then vowing to go on a diet the following day so the thing fit me. I thought I was meant to fit the clothes – but the opposite is true. WE wear the clothes, they don’t wear us.

So now, when I’m trying something new on, I like to close my eyes and feel what it’s like on my body before I even look in the mirror. If it pulls in an uncomfortable way, then it’s a no. That’s not to say I don’t care what the clothes look like, but how they feel is also really important.

Ultimately I guess we need to remember that we’re all allowed to wear what we want. What we wear and how we look is not a measure of our worth as humans on this planet. And if you want to wear the short skirt, colourful prints or bodycon dress then you are ALLOWED to wear the short skirt, colourful prints or bodycon dress.

Your body, your rules.

Filed Under: Fashion, STYLE Tagged With: body confident fashion, clothes, fashion, style

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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Hello. How are you? . I’ve noticed something th Hello. How are you? 
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I’ve noticed something this lockdown that feels different to first time... the sense of people being more disconnected than ever, more divided, more isolated. 
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Maybe it’s because we’re all on our last nerve now - the loss, sacrifice and stress is amplified that bit more. 
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And we’re so deep in it, often confined in our thoughts at home, our only connection with the outside world via a screen, that it becomes harder to appreciate our differences in circumstances. 
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We forget that we are all just humans muddling through a global pandemic, trying to come out of it alive, with our minds intact and hopefully our jobs too. 
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Except it’s not just faceless people on the internet that we’re upset with anymore. It’s our neighbours, family and friends. 
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Dr Vivek Murthy wrote about the importance of social connections and community in his book Together, pointing out that loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. 
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So check in with your friends today. Maybe even send them a voice note. Don’t assume you know how they’re doing based on their latest Facebook post. We need to get through this together, not apart ❤️
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[Image description: Molly is looking at the camera, smiling in a tired, resigned sort of way. She’s outside and is wearing a fantastic hat that her husband says looks like a tea cosy.]
✨Art from @emilycoxhead gorgeous book You Are In ✨Art from @emilycoxhead gorgeous book You Are Incredible Just As You Are✨
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A reminder that loving every bit of ourselves isn’t just about embracing all the parts on the outside, but also about accepting - and maybe even celebrating - the bits on the inside too. 
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I’ll go first: I am a worrier and have a tendency to think deeply on things. If we’ve ever had a disagreement - be it an exchange on Twitter in 2018 or a row in the playground in 1992 you bet I’ve stored that away in my brain ready to ruminate on in the depths of a night when I can’t sleep. 
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But in the spirit of loving every bit of ourselves I say that rather than looking at these parts of ourselves as “flaws”, we choose instead to view them with loving kindness and a heavy dose of self-compassion. 
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I worry because I am sensitive, and I care. This sometimes means I’m more vulnerable to allowing others’ opinions of me have too much power... but it also means I feel remorse when I make mistakes and try my very best to learn from them. 
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And this also means I work hard in everything I do because I genuinely care about doing a good job. Meanwhile, my tendency to think deeply on stuff means I’m able to see the nuance in things and appreciate other perspectives, because as I grasp for an answer I often find two things can be true at the same time. 
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These are not traits I would view as “pathetic” or “needy” or “indecisive” in my kids and I would never tell them to “just get over it”, so I’m trying to remember this for myself too.
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[Image description: A double page spread from Emily Coxhead’s book You Are Incredible. It’s a yellow page with a red heart and white writing which reads “Here’s to loving every bit of you.”]
Let’s talk joyful movement and.... PRIVILEGE! A Let’s talk joyful movement and.... PRIVILEGE! A nice juicy subject for a Thursday evening 😅
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I absolutely love to see the narrative shift (albeit ever so slightly) to the intrinsic benefits of movement. The focus on intuitive movement and moving our bodies for how it makes us FEEL over how it makes us LOOK brings me huge happiness. 
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BUT... even when we take movement away from a diet culture context, I still think there’s often a lack of acknowledgment of the many barriers preventing people engaging in movement in the first place (hot tip: it’s not “just cos they’re lazy” 🙄). 
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When it comes to my own family - here are some of the privileges we live with which make movement easier for us: 
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✨ We live in an area with access to lots of safe green spaces to play and walk.
✨ We can afford to pay for a gym membership, and extra curricular activities for the kids like gymnastics, Street Dance and swimming.
✨ We have access to the technology needed to take part in online classes over lockdown.
✨ We are non-disabled so experience no physical access issues preventing us from joining in with these activities. 
✨ Our work schedule allows us to get out together during daylight hours. 
✨ None of us lives with a mental health condition which might make getting outside / engaging in movement really hard or even impossible.
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Kids access to movement is not equal so if we really care about encouraging more children to move then, as a nation, we need to level the playing field (pun intended). 
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Some accounts which often discuss movement and privilege: @thephitcoach @amysnellingpt @theaishanash ❤️
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters standing on top of a hill smiling, with their arms in the air.]
It’s pretty well accepted that certain “fad di It’s pretty well accepted that certain “fad diets” are not the one. But if our definition of diet culture stops there, and we fail to see how diet culture IS fatphobic in its very nature - and that it absolutely depends on a collective cultural fear and vilification of fatness then we’ll never get anywhere with tearing it down.
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Dressing up fatphobia as “health concern”, or “tough love” or “helping people” is just a fluffy way of saying you don’t acknowledge the huge complexity around health, or the many factors that impact weight, or the research showing the harmful (and unhealthy) impact of weight stigma, or the evidence into the long term effectiveness of diets and intentional weight loss. 
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And essentially, those who assert that health only looks one way, and that people have a moral responsibility to prove their health via the shape of their body and not be a “drain on society”, are saying that only people with their version of a “healthy body” are worthy of respect, equality, dignity.
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Children pick up on these messages and learn from an early age that “fat = bad”, and to see some bodies as better, and more deserving of love and respect than others. This could be why we’re seeing a rising number of pre-teens with eating disorders and mental health issues associated with poor body image. 
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Yes we need to lose the fad diets. But we also need to lose the deeper prejudices and anti-fat biases that make them profitable in the first place, otherwise they’ll just continue to show up in different ways, coming in ever more aggressive and insidious ways for our kids.
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(Image description: A yellow slide with multicolour shapes and a screenshot of a tweet overlaid which reads “FYI you can’t be simultaneously anti-diet culture and pro fatphobia. (And yes, fatphobia includes continuously asking “But what about health?” and not listening to the answer...)
You might have missed this in the news over Christ You might have missed this in the news over Christmas. It didn’t get nearly the same amount of coverage as all the diet-related features that are everywhere right now. It was hidden away behind the before and after “amazing weight loss” stories, celeb diet plans and “o*esity causes covid” headlines. But that doesn’t make it any less shocking or heartbreaking. 
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I believe there’s a link between the rise in children being diagnosed with eating disorders and the rise in children suffering poor body image. These issues are fallout from a culture that idolises thinness, vilifies fatness and continually promotes one, narrow, over-simplified version of health. 
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Diet culture is coming increasingly aggressively for children, and the pandemic with the huge mental health toll it’s taken has not helped one bit. We already knew the number of pre-teens diagnosed with anorexia in the last decade had doubled, and it seems the figures are rising even higher. We need change. Fast. 
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Check out the Body Happy Kids resources, workshops and Masterclass and the #FreeFromDiets campaign in my bio, if you want to help change the culture our kids are growing up in. They deserve better.
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[Image description: a section from a news article about rising numbers of children suffering with eating disorders. Full text can be found in Alt Text.]
I’ve been looking a lot at old photos lately. Th I’ve been looking a lot at old photos lately. This pic is from summer 2018, when I could hug my mum and travel abroad on holiday. If I close my eyes I can almost feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, smell the salty sea air and hear the laughter of other families playing on the beach. Holding on to these memories and the hope that the hugs, sunshine and bikinis will come again one day. In the meantime it’s video calls, trackie bottoms and WhatsApp. ❄️☀️ 
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[Image description: Molly and her mum standing on a beach in France, in 2018. They are both wearing brightly coloured bikinis, hugging and smiling. It’s a hot sunny day and the sky is blue.]
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