I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I had a moment last week. A moment where I was so close to throwing in the towel it’s untrue. It was a proper drama queen I’m not good enough! What’s the point?! I want to give it all up! moment. I very nearly deleted my whole blog and every trace of myself off the internet.
I know, I know. If you’ve blogged longer than five minutes you’ve probably been there too. In fact, even if you don’t blog and just use Facebook occasionally, there’s a high chance you’ve had one of those moments.
I’m not sure what triggered it really. Actually, I am sure. It was a general feeling of overwhelmedness (not a word – but it should be). I had comparison syndrome – got too sucked into Instagram and looking at accounts with far larger followings than my own. I went down the rabbit hole of wondering what the point of blogging was when, after more than five years, I didn’t have as many Twitter followers than some bloggers who’ve only been online for two minutes. It was silly, and I’m embarrassed.
Anyway, clearly that moment passed and I’m still here. Blogging.
I’ve always loved autumn. I love the traditions and the marking of the season that we get in autumn, that’s massively lacking in other seasons if you ask my opinion. Birthdays (the NLM’s, mine, Baby Girl’s), Halloween, Bonfire Night, then the pre-Christmas build-up. More than any other season it feels like a huge opportunity for change.
This summer has been incredible. Our holiday to France was so special in so many ways. I’m glad I captured snippets of it in film and I’m thankful I battled through my ridiculous drama queen moment and made a video and blog post of it all. It’s memory gold, if ever such a thing existed. But now the summer has drawn to a close and it feels like a time for new beginnings.
My annual rhythms have always been tied to the school calendar. I’m a stickler for the marking of new terms and still, at the age of 32, buy myself new stationery for the beginning of a new school term. There’s something so promising about a crisp blank page, don’t you think?
But it’s all very well writing my intentions and plans on a secret sheet of paper in my notebook and not sharing them elsewhere. I’m not held accountable to anyone and my plans can remain hopeful dreams, unscathed by the reality of time constraints and real life. Well I’m not doing that this year. Just like back in January, I want to share some of my plans with you, in the hope that you’ll keep me on the straight and narrow.
So here they are.
I’m going to be more positive
I’m generally a pretty happy person. In real life I often get accused of being too chirpy. My husband gets regularly irritated by my energy and often tells me to “calm down” when I’m on a drive to tackle a new project (mainly house related).
But online, I can get bogged down in what everyone else is doing. I look at other bloggers and vloggers and Instagrammers and feel frustrated. It’s not that I think I’m not creating as good content as the next person – this is massively un-British of me to say but I think the stuff I write and make is pretty damn good. But it’s the negative aspect of the Like Me! Like Me! internet machine in action. I care too much about how many likes a post has or how many comments I get and, if I don’t think I’ve had enough, I get disheartened. How pathetic is that?
So I’m giving up on that mentality and plan to just focus on what I’m doing a little more. While I still love reading blogs and scrolling Instagram, I’m not going to allow myself to get dragged into that negative comparison syndrome situation. I’m going to let me be me and just crack on.
I’m going to grow Roost
I’m really excited about Roost and the plans and direction we have for the site from this month. Juggling Roost and this blog and the other magazine and online commissioned articles I write is no small feat, especially considering I still have a toddler at home and no childcare. I’m proud of myself for being a part of growing the site to what it is today and for keeping the momentum going when it could so easily have slipped at times.
I’m going to make more videos
I love making videos and the skills I’m learning along the way. There are so many things I want to talk about which I think other mums of a similar age to me might find interesting. I enjoy being on camera and there’s nothing like the satisfaction of making a video of family life and adventures packed with memories to look on in years to come. This is an area I want to focus on more and I’m going to dedicate some proper time to it.
And for now, that’s it. I also have some exciting travel plans and evenings out with the husband planned, which is another thing too I suppose. We’re going to get a bit more balance and attempt to carve out more time for us as a couple amid the mayhem of life as parents to two hilarious, gorgeous, demanding little girls.
So stick with me. I will be back in this space more from next week onwards. In the meantime, I hope you’ve had a wonderful summer and are excited about the return to school etc. If you’ve got a little one starting school next week then I promise you, it’s not that bad. You might sob on the first day but by the end of the week you’ll be skipping out of the school gates.