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You are here: Home / MOTHERHOOD / The January parenting trap

The January parenting trap

January 4, 2017 by Molly 6 Comments

January’s a bleak month, isn’t it? I mean, once we get past the initial enthusiasm for all those New Year’s resolutions and the excitement of best laid plans wanes, what are we left with? A meagre post-Christmas bank balance, a fridge full of celery and school run upon school run of rain – neverending rain. Surviving January can feel like a Herculean effort, come the middle of the month.

You think that’s bad, nothing compares to the relentless uphill struggle of parenting in January. For me, January is always the hardest month as a parent. Mainly because I start the month bursting with ideas and inspiration for how to be the best parent ever, do loads of Pinterest style crafts with the kids, always be patient and never raise my voice etc etc. And, just like last year’s attempt at Dry January, these resolutions usually last around two weeks before I admit defeat and feel like an even bigger failure than before. And so, I’m here to tell you, the key to surviving January is to not set yourself up for a fall in the first place.

My mum, the wise dispenser of advice that she is, often recommends slowing down and looking at what I’ve achieved before I throw myself into the next challenge. As someone who’s always looking forward, this is quite a hard task to take on, but a necessary one all the same. Last year we took on some major DIY home projects which we managed to fit in around the children, no mean feat in itself. We transformed our bedroom and our kitchen and did all the work ourselves. Workwise, I wrote some magazine articles I’m really proud of, continued to grow the beautiful site Roost which we launched in February last year and really built up my YouTube channel. This is all good stuff, but stuff that often gets forgotten in the scrum of To Do lists and daily routines.

As a mum, I helped my six year old through a tricky patch of separation anxiety at school, continued to breastfeed my boob-loving toddler (will it never end?!) and managed many a school run without shouting or losing the will to live, despite having around 2.5 minutes of sleep the night before (thanks kids). We took the kids on an amazing adventure around France, which we arranged and paid for ourselves, went on lots of fun day trips, gave them experiences they’ll hopefully remember in years to come.

I’m cringing as I’m reading these last two paragraphs back because I’m a typically British self-deprecating type. I find it hard enough to pat myself on the back secretly for my small wins, let alone write them down on the internet. Yet I think it’s important – and that, for me, is the best way to avoid the January parenting trap. I want to enter this month not with a black cloud of pressure to do more, be more, achieve more. Instead, I want to start the year with a positive outlook at how much I’ve already achieved.

So what if I don’t do Pinterest crafts after school every day? We do other things instead. So what if I shout on the odd stressy school morning? These things happen, it doesn’t make me a terrible mum. So what if I haven’t got eleven billionty YouTube subscribers, a book deal and a two regular columns in leading magazines? I get paid to write for other people and am starting to get commissions for videos, I run two successful websites and I have a decent magazine portfolio I’d have itched for when I started freelancing six years ago. Small wins, this is where it’s at for January.

I read this post by Gemma at HelloitsGemma recently and it really resonated with me. Although I’m on the healthy eating January bandwagon (at the moment) and we’ve cut out anything other than Friday night wine, I can completely get on board with the idea of kindness in January. It can be such an unforgiving month, I’m not about to start beating myself up even more with spandex, unrealistic promises and an impending sense of failed resolutions.

How about you? What are your January survival tips? Have you ever fallen into the January parenting trap?

 

(P.S. I’m wearing my M.O.M sweatshirt in the pic at the top – I’ve been living in it recently. It’s available to buy from Mutha.Hood here and all the net profits go to Save The Children. I should probably say this isn’t a sponsored post and I bought the jumper myself – I just really like it and want to spread the love!)

Filed Under: Kids, MOTHERHOOD Tagged With: fashion, January, motherhood, mum style, Parenting, parenting advice, parenting fails

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Comments

  1. helloitsgemma says

    January 5, 2017 at 9:14 pm

    You are always achieving so much, and finding the funny in those stressful moments. Well done you for where you are at. We should all be happy we got through the oddness that was 2016.
    Enjoy your Friday night wine you deserve it. Thank you so much for mentioning my post. Like you say, January is about getting through it, not trying to over achieve in an unforgiving month.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 11, 2017 at 1:09 pm

      Amen to that. It’ll soon be February anyway won’t it?! And thank you for the lovely words. I don’t feel like I’m achieving much but then that’s probably my self critical side coming through!

      Reply
  2. Anna International says

    January 5, 2017 at 4:05 pm

    I’m not even a parent yet so I have all this to look forward to, but even without children the inevitable disappointment of the ‘new me’ happens pretty much every January, even though I really try not to let it. This year has been pretty spectacular on that front, as I’ve had an endless headache since 2nd Jan and have achieved precisely diddly squat. I mean, I feel I’ve done well if I’ve managed to get a load of washing done. All plans for world domination are on hold. My sparkling new year has started with a not even so much as a damp squib. BUT, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and my achievements for 2017 will not all happen in the next fortnight. I felt like this last year and I still managed to achieve some fairly decent things in 2016, and I will again this year. Even if I’m not superwoman, I’m doing alright.
    And may I say, from the outside looking in, you are doing more than alright – I have no idea how you juggle so much so successfully. I think you should add an e-course to your enterprises – how to get stuff done and still have GG binges on occasion! 🙂 I know I wouldn’t be the only subscriber! x

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 5, 2017 at 7:14 pm

      All the work you’ve done on your house in the past year is a massively inspiring thing for me – and your creativity to come up with all these new ideas to make pretty things without blowing the budget… give yourself more credit. Maybe one day, when I actually have more time, I’ll come up with some sort of time-planning advice e-course. But for now I’m content to just juggle like there’s no tomorrow! x

      Reply
  3. Leanne Cornelius says

    January 4, 2017 at 10:07 pm

    January is always such a hard month, but your mother is so right, great piece of advice.
    It sounds as if you should be super proud of yourself, even though it is difficult at times.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      January 5, 2017 at 7:15 pm

      Ah thank you Leanne – you’re right, January is always a tricky one isn’t it? x

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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Tonight should be our first night on holiday in Sp Tonight should be our first night on holiday in Spain. Made up for it with a meal outside at the village pub and a “late” bedtime (any evening out past 8pm is late for us!). Devon is heaven ❤️ #mumlife
ALL children have the right to feel good about the ALL children have the right to feel good about themselves and their body - not just the ones who “look healthy”. Children are being taught at a younger and younger age that their body is a problem that needs to be fixed. 
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The current climate of intense body shaming disguised as health concern is creating policies which actively damage the relationship children have with their bodies. There is a huge amount of evidence showing that the better kids feel about their body, the more likely they are to make choices that make their body feel good - like taking part in movement or eating in a happy, intuitive way. 
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Making health all about weight not only damages kids’ body image, making them either feel like their body is “wrong” or fear it becoming “wrong”, it also gives a free pass to the diet industry to aggressively market their products at children, under the guise of health. Ironically, encouraging kids to engage in dieting and habits which are actively bad for their health. This culture affects ALL children.
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And of course this version of health, and this focus on making kids’ bodies the problem, lets the politicians off the hook. Easier to put the nation on a diet instead of investing in policies which will reduce inequality and give everyone access to the things needed to live a full and healthy life.
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There is a silver lining though, because we can choose to be part of the solution. We can say no to diet culture at home and challenge it when it pops up in the spaces kids should be safest.
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If you’re a teacher our Body Happy Kids workshop is an intro to this subject with tools for creating body happy spaces for the children in your care. Find out more and sign up via my bio. ❤️ #BodyHappyKids
To lift the mood after the last week, here’s a t To lift the mood after the last week, here’s a throwback to this time last year when I roped my husband into filming me for an alternative Love Island title sequence. Out of shot: a packed beach full of people confused why a woman is doing multiple bikini changes under a towel and instructing her husband on different camera angles while her bemused children look on 😂. The video was an alternative title sequence for if Love Island was filmed in Devon and featured a mum the “wrong” side of 35 and the “wrong” side of a size 10. 🔥 HAPPY BLOODY FRIDAY you lovely lot 🥂🥂🥂 #BodyHappyMum #MumsGoneWild
[Stat from @themilitantbaker’s brilliant TED Tal [Stat from @themilitantbaker’s brilliant TED Talk] 
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Poor body image and weight stigma are serious public health issues. These are complex, far reaching issues that impact us on an individual and societal level in many ways. This thread isn’t to say that each of these things alone accounts for the fact kids as young as three are feeling bad about their body, but combined, they create an environment that makes it really tough for children (and adults) to like their body just as it is, regardless of what it looks like.
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If you care about health you need to be aware that weight stigma kills and poor body image has serious health implications. Want kids to eat more nutrient dense food and move their body? Stop shaming them and teaching them their body is wrong, because research shows body hate is NOT a long term motivator for treating a body with care or respect. 
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And then realise that even when kids ARE eating more nutrient dense food and moving more this will not guarantee their body will shrink. And this doesn’t mean they are unhealthy, despite what the headlines might tell you.
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Kids’ bodies don’t need “fixing”. Society needs fixing. Give every child access to good food and safe spaces to move and play. Eradicate inequality and discrimination, challenge stigmatising language. Raise awareness in the mainstream media of what many health professionals already know: health is complex, multi-faceted and is hugely impacted by socio-economic conditions. Saying it’s all down to “personal responsibility” lets the politicians off the hook. 
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Maybe then, as a nation, we can have a fair crack at good health. Until then I’d argue it’s not about health at all, it’s about money. 
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#bodyimage #BodyHappyKids
In an alternate universe I’d be packing for a ho In an alternate universe I’d be packing for a holiday to Cantabria in Spain right now. Yet here we are. This summer is brought to us by Argos (paddling pool) and Monki (cozzie). FYI I’m still bikini all the way, but prefer a cozzie for when I get serious doing lengths at the pool 🏊‍♀️🏊‍♀️🏊‍♀️ #bodyhappymum
Did you know that many of the health outcomes blam Did you know that many of the health outcomes blamed on being in a bigger body can be attributed to weight stigma and weight cycling rather than the weight itself? But despite a huge amount of evidence showing this to be the case it’s rarely reported in the mainstream media and doesn’t form the basis of health policy. 
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You know what’s also bad for health? Inequality. Again, not something informing policies that conveniently apportion blame and simplify weight as all being down to personal responsibility and “lifestyle choices”. 
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If this government really cared about the health of the nation they’d look at the impact of weight stigma and inequality and create health drives based on these things, instead of saying that putting calorie counts on food labels or telling people to go for a bike ride would make everything better. 
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I am all for people living in a healthy way, if they wish to and if they can. Eat nutrient dense food, sure! Move your body, sure! Just don’t assume this will automatically lead to weight loss, or that anyone in a bigger body isn’t already doing these things. 
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The latest focus on the weight of the nation makes me scared for how this will impact children. Will kids get put on diets and begin a lifetime of harmful weight cycling? Will it give yet another green light for bigots to go on national TV and say hugely discriminatory, offensive and uneducated things about people in bigger bodies, thereby perpetuating the weight stigma that we know is so bad for health? Probably. But who cares as long as £££ is being made and the weight loss industry is booming. 
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It’ll keep us all distracted from issues like the inexcusable number of children living in poverty and the many families in the UK struggling to access nutrient dense food.
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Look beyond the headlines and the health rhetoric, know that the shape of your body does not signify your worth as a person. And challenge any person or article telling you different.
#bodyimage
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