, , , ,

The thing about motherhood, is that you never quite have it sussed. That is the only thing, above all else, that is guaranteed.

Of course, like many mothers, I am in constant denial of this fact, telling myself I really know my daughter. Above all others. And better than all others.

But I don’t think this is really true.

Because, just as soon as I think I have her solved, she outdoes me with such ease I am left speechless. She is the only person on this earth who has the ability to do that.

She sleeps with a soft blanket. Every night of her short life so far, she has drifted off to a world of dreams clutching that blanket. Except for now. In one millisecond the only habit I would bet every penny I’ve ever owned on, has been quashed.

Now, it seems, it’s all about the teddies. Not one teddy either – my girl is quite a floozy in the teddy department – now it’s all about the seven teddies.

And then the words. With every newly formed syllable, I feel like I’m getting an insight into the child my 20 month old daughter really is. Except, of course, I’m not.

Because she’s changing so fast I can never quite get a handle on her. She’s like a memory, half formed, hiding at the back of my mind, dodging in and out of the cobwebs, taunting me.

But then she looks at me. Holds my gaze for long seconds. And I think, I know exactly who you are, little girl.

You are my enigma. And I love you for it.