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You are here: Home / ADVENTURE / Confession: I haven’t always liked play-dates

Confession: I haven’t always liked play-dates

February 21, 2018 by Molly 3 Comments

I feel like this is a shameful thing to admit, a dirty secret I’ve managed to keep hidden through seven and a half years of motherhood. But the thing is, I haven’t always liked play-dates.

Hear me out.

In the early baby days play-dates were OK, until the baby started crying, which could be any sodding time. I have memories of countless “play-dates” walking up and down with a screaming baby, apologising, while other babies gurgled serenely, smiling up at their mothers who were peacefully drinking hot cups of tea.

Sometimes a play-date went well. Bouyed with enthusiasm I’d line up ten more, cramming them in faster than a line of Dairy Milk into my mouth on a Friday night. Inevitably both me and my baby would suffer play-date fatigue syndrome after play-date number four, at which point I’d be desperately thinking up my excuses to dodge the next one scheduled for that afternoon.

And of course we all know a “play-date” with a baby is a pretty pointless thing. There is no playing involved and until they get to the age of about three they have no interest in the other child anyway. It’s all about the mums, which is no bad thing, if you can actually hear the other mother speak over the noise of screaming children.

Despite my love/hate relationship with play-dates I’ve always done them and, on many an occasion, been the play-date instigator. Call me a sucker for punishment, but my reasoning was, “It could be the ONE play-date that goes right!”. Plus, I’m a sociable person and as much as I loved my babies their conversations were often a bit one-sided.

Anyway, recently I’ve got into the art of the play-date again. And it is an art. Because so many things have to come together for a play-date to be successful. Your children have to be in the mood, for starters. They have to be not tired, not cold, not hungry. They have to be up for sharing (always a bit hit and miss). They have to be excited by the prospect of what’s on offer and not cajoled into leaving something else they think is more fun. It’s not always easy.

But when the stars and universe do align to offer up the perfect play-date conditions a successful play-date can be a thing of beauty. One where they children play together and the mums can chat. One where you walk away at the end with a feeling of smug satisfaction and a tiny hint of #winning at #mumlife.

Last Friday I had one such experience. We were up north visiting Simon’s family (the girls were flower girls at his brother’s wedding – cute!) offering up a fantastic opportunity to catch up with my blogging pal Colette from We’re Going On An Adventure, who lives very near Si’s parents. Keeping up?

Despite a challenging couple of days with the girls and a few frantic “warning” texts to Colette that they might not be “on best form” everything clicked into play about ten minutes after we arrived at Heaton Park – the play-date destination.

The kids ran around, stamping in ice and mud. Both girls made new BFF’s. They drank hot chocolate. Colette and I got to have a good chat. We took tonnes of photos (actually, I took about one, but Colette took lots – these are all Colette’s pics, she’s very good at photos as you can see). We vlogged. We generally had a very good time.

Watch the video here (and watch Colette’s here):

Which leads me to the conclusion that a successful play-date is one of those things that’s worth waiting for. All the play-date fails I’ve experienced, where the kids don’t get along, or the babies scream, or the house gets trashed, are all part of the “character building” steps of motherhood. They toughen you up, lower your expectations and keep you going until that one play-date where everything goes right, which you will inevitably enjoy almost as much as a cold glass of wine on a Friday night.

Actually, there’s an idea. Maybe I should make my next play-date a destination involving alcohol…

Finally, we had another mummy blogger play-date earlier in the week which didn’t go according to plan, mainly because both my girls were in a horrendously grumpy mood. We met up with my local blogging friend Karen at Our Tiny Diaries. I didn’t vlog that one (it would have been mainly Effie having a tantrum) but I did manage to take a couple of photos so, you know, it did actually happen.

Play-dates – are you a lover or a hater?

 

Filed Under: ADVENTURE Tagged With: motherhood, mum life, mummy blogger, Parenting, play dates, real mum life

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Comments

  1. Minal says

    March 6, 2018 at 4:58 pm

    Ma Colette .

    Reply
  2. Colette Burgess says

    February 21, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    I love a good play date but am lucky that one of my best friends has children very similar ages to my three and they generally get on like a house on fire, meaning we can just leave them to get on with it!
    We had such a lovely morning with you, i can’t wait to do it again.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      February 22, 2018 at 3:14 pm

      When the kids go off and play and leave the adults to chat, that is literally the dream play-date scenario!

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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I am not “bossing” it. Or “slaying”. Or “hustling”. Or “smashing” it. I’m not even juggling or spinning plates or doing any of the other words we use as a glossy, marketable, Instagram friendly way to package up burnout culture, under the guise of “empowering” women (💪🤢). 
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What I have been doing, though, is working too hard. Call a spade a spade. I’ve been working too hard, neglecting my health, my relationships, my life away from my laptop. I can not be everything to everyone AND work at the level I’ve been working at BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN BEING. And you are too. We are not robots.
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I care deeply about all my work, and things aren’t always this intense, but I wanted to sprinkle some reality into the Gram because I am so over this lie that *any* type of success or achievement doesn’t come at a cost, or involve many failures in the background, or require many other people to help make things happen. 
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I guess what I’m saying is, let’s be real about all that, as well as showing the achievements. I’m bloody proud of my book. And I’m so excited to launch the social enterprise @bodyhappyorg properly next month. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, and that there isn’t a price. 
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And with that, I’m taking the weekend off. See you on the other side 🥰🥰🥰
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[Image description: Molly sits in her office with her hands covering her mouth. On the back of one hand is written “Not bossing it”. She is wearing a pink boiler suit with a black and white top underneath. She has pink leopard print earrings on and her hair is tied back.]
This was taken at the start of half term, when the This was taken at the start of half term, when the kids were still enthusiastic about going for a walk. 1,705 walks around the same bit of countryside later... not so much 😬 
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If you’re struggling to get your kids motivated to move their body at the moment, go gentle. You’re not alone. Bad weather coupled with boredom coupled with the lure of screens is a heady recipe for lethargy - and that’s just me! 
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Seriously though, remember: all movement is valid. Even if it’s just a ten minute @cosmickids sesh or a little kitchen disco, it all counts. And if it comes from a place of enjoyment and fun, kids (and adults!) are going to be far more likely to want to get involved.
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What joyful movement activities are your kids enjoying right now (if any?!)?
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters are standing in a field. They’re wearing colourful wellies, holding hands and smiling.]
I founded a social enterprise 😵 . Introducing: I founded a social enterprise 😵
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Introducing: @bodyhappyorg 🎉
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We are a Community Interest Company dedicated to promoting positive body image in children. We help adults help the kids in their care be friends with their bodies 🥰. 
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Through workshops and classes, digital and physical resources (both free and paid) we help parents, carers, teachers, youth leaders - and any adults who are ever around children - create body happy settings for kids to thrive in. 
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We launch officially next month with a beautiful new website and lots of resources which we’ll continually be adding to. In the meantime give us a follow at @bodyhappyorg - we start posting from today and our page has been designed as a free resource on its own! 
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I’m privileged to work alongside an incredible team of people on this. Shout-out to the original dream team @chelseacoxstrategist @amysnellingpt @effinitupfaye @lottie_storey @bodyconfidencecards_db @rachel_hobnobs & @aceandping 💕 LOVE YOU ALL! 💕
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[Image description: A blue square with yellow and white text which reads “the body happy org”. This is the logo for The Body Happy Organisation CIC]
Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-sta Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-stained hoodie and tracksuit bottoms at least once in the past month 😐
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[Image description: Molly is wearing pink dungarees with yellow buttons over a black rollneck long-sleeved top. She has a monochrome striped hairband on and her hair is pink. She is also wearing earrings with boobs on them. She looks very pleased, both with her earrings, the pink hair and the fact she’s not wearing sleepwear, for a change.]
A new report from the Education Policy Institute h A new report from the Education Policy Institute has concluded an obvious gender divide in the well-being of young adults. If you’d like to read more check out this article by Eleanor Peake in @newstatesman (I’ve linked to it in my Stories).
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Every week I get messages from parents and teachers concerned about the impact of social media on their kids’ body image. And of course, I couldn’t write a book about body image in kids and teens without covering social media - there’s a whole chapter in Body Happy Kids dedicated to the subject. 
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The thing is, social media isn’t going anywhere. And just like it can be a force for anxiety, shame and general angst it can be a force for good too. The trick is in knowing how to use it positively (and in holding the platforms to account for not moderating the spread of harmful viral trends and online abuse, and creating algorithms that deliberately create division and harm mental health... but that’s a story for another day). 
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But how can we expect our kids to have a handle on it when we, as adults, don’t ourselves? 
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I don’t believe the answer is to ban social media, but I don’t think kids should be given unfettered access to it either. 
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They need help navigating this stuff, learning about boundaries, developing media literacy skills so they can think critically about the content they’re consuming (just like many adults).
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And we also need to explore how we might be inadvertently contributing to the problem, perpetuating appearance ideals and creating a culture where kids learn it’s ok to body shame under the guise of health and to value each other based on the way they look.
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As ever, it’s complicated. I’d love to know what you think? What are some of the boundaries you have around social media in your house - both for yourself and your kids?
#BodyHappyKids 
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[Full text in Alt Text]
When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnan When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnancy yoga class every week. It was the highlight of my week. I left each session feeling like I was floating on a cloud, and I used the poses and breath work to guide me through labour too. But then I had my baby and found that, as a knackered new mum of two, I couldn’t find the time for yoga. I no longer had the excuse of doing it “for the bump” or “to prepare for labour”, so what was the point?
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It wasn’t until I started reinvesting in myself and unravelling the diet culture perspective on exercise that I found it again, along with running, which turned to hiking, and swimming. 
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It wasn’t about preparing my body for someone or something else. It was about the process itself, the time to unwind my mind and move my body for joy, just for me. I’ve lost a bit of that this past year with lockdowns, and I feel it.
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I recently signed up to @theunderbellyyoga with @mynameisjessamyn and feel like I’m finding it again. I love that my kids can see me taking time for myself, and enjoying movement, and that they sometimes want to join in too. Even if it is a bit annoying sometimes (swipe 👀). 
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#BodyHappyMum 
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[Image description: Molly and her 6 year old daughter Effie sit on yoga and gymnastics mats with their legs crossed and arms in the air. They have their backs to the camera. In the second image they are sitting crossed legged while twisting round to the side, and in the third image Molly is lying on the mat with her eyes closed while Effie leans over her, being a bit annoying.]
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