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You are here: Home / MOTHERHOOD / Breastfeeding a toddler

Breastfeeding a toddler

November 3, 2016 by Molly 5 Comments

breastfeeding a toddler

If you’d have told me two years ago that I’d be one of those mums who would be practising extended breastfeeding,  I’d probably have laughed in your face. It’s not that I had a plan to wean off the boob at a certain age, it’s just that I never pictured myself as a mum who would be breastfeeding a toddler. Back then, in my head, mums who did extended breastfeeding were all muesli munching yoghurt knitters who only wore clothes made from hemp. Yeah, I guess I was pretty judgemental (secretly, of course).

And then I found myself carrying my baby around in a sling, co-sleeping and doing pretty much every Attachment Parenting technique in the book. None of this was planned either, it’s just that at the time these seemed like the easy choices. The sling meant my hands were free to carry book bags and drinks bottles on the school run while co-sleeping was the only way I could get more than twenty seconds sleep. In fact, my baby would have slept sellotaped to my face if she’d been given the chance. It’s fair to say I was an accidental attachment parent.

Fast-forward two years and here we are, no longer co-sleeping but still as committed to the boob as ever. When Frog was 13 months old she weaned naturally onto a cup and straw, losing all interest in the breast. But her sister is a very different kettle of fish. Not only is she showing no signs of losing interest but now that she’s starting to speak she’s becoming more vocal of her love of “boobie” than ever.

On the one hand I’m relaxed about it. I tell myself that she won’t still be breastfeeding aged 30, and that she’ll stop when she’s ready – and to do it at her pace will be far less of a headache for everyone. But on the other hand I find breastfeeding a toddler a pain in the arse on regular occasions. Some days I don’t want to be climbed all over while I have my nipples tweaked and little hands ferreting around my top. Some days I just want my personal space – you know?

Plus, when I look at this adorable, cheeky and ever so slightly knowing face, I catch myself realising she is definitely no longer a baby. To breastfeed a child this big seems kind of, odd…

extended breastfeeding

Yet here we are. Still going strong with the boob and still with no plan to stop. And I guess the thing that it keeps coming back to is that it just doesn’t feel right to go cold turkey and force her off it if she’s not ready. Truth be told, I’m probably not ready either. There’s a high chance this is my last baby and these puppies won’t see any action (not of that kind anyway) ever again once Baby Girl packs them away for good. So as much as I gently moot the idea of “giving up boobie”, I know that somewhere deep down I may be a little bit sad when it does eventually come to an end.

More than that though, it’s about convenience. I never had that magic tantrum pill when Frog was this age, because she had long given up the boob. Whereas now, with breastfeeding, I have an instant answer to alleviate the trickiest of tantrums. People often remark that she must be “really clingy” because she’s still breastfed, but the truth is, she’s not. In fact, she’s far more secure and confident than Frog was (and still is). She’s a different child and knows no fear. She’ll happily walk into a room full of strangers without so much as a backwards glance at her mother.

Every day is different and – as I said before – I have no plan. Some days Baby Girl will ask for boob during the day and it’s simply not convenient, so I’ll tell her no and give her a bottle of cow’s milk instead (which she’s happy with). Some days she’ll be upset and really need the comfort of breastfeeding. We always feed first thing in the morning and last thing at night, although when she stays with my parents she doesn’t even think to ask for it – she’s happy with a bottle.

There’s no rhyme or reason to it all, and I’ve long come to accept that’s OK. Parenting isn’t a rigid one-size-fits-all thing. You don’t need to pick a camp and stay with it. I’m not an attachment parent but I’m not a Gina Ford mum either. Every day brings a new set of challenges and a new way of overcoming them.

And so I find myself doing yet another thing I swore I’d never do pre-motherhood (just like using the iPad or the TV as an occasional babysitter).

I’ve vlogged about this very subject over on my YouTube channel this week, if you fancy a watch or want to jump in with any comments.

And I blogged about it for BabyCentre too recently – along with a gallery showing some of the benefits of extended breastfeeding (some of them are quite surprising actually).

 

Pin this post for later:

breastfeeding-a-toddler-our-story-of-extended-breastfeeding

 

Filed Under: Babies, MOTHERHOOD Tagged With: babies, breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, motherhood, Parenting, toddlers

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Comments

  1. Lottie | Oyster & Pearl says

    November 15, 2016 at 10:49 am

    This is so interesting. My journey ended at 4 months with my first and ten days with my second, so this is a whole world I don’t now about! Glad you found your own path with this. Wish everyone was able to go with the flow and do what’s best for their family and their situation x

    Reply
  2. Laura says

    November 15, 2016 at 10:28 am

    We have the same going on and really enjoyed reading this Molly as I too have accidentally done everything in the attachment parenting book – at 22 months we are still co-sleeping because it’s the only way of getting any sleep and my youngest is what I can only describe as “Obsessed with the boob”. Not sure when we will wean (and at times I wonder if that day will ever come!)

    Laura x

    Reply
  3. Jos says

    November 4, 2016 at 10:41 am

    Still feeding S&E at 16months-I too use it when they’re overtired or feeling unwell with teething etc and sometimes if they won’t settle in the night but love that I have discovered how flexible it can be-some days we don’t feed at all (especially if I’m working) and this has allowed me the freedom I wanted but still means I can feed them on other days. I wish I had known how flexible it could be when I stopped feeding M at 13months so I could go away for a weekend as I for some reason thought there was no going back after that!
    Thanks for sharing! X

    Reply
  4. Alice says

    November 3, 2016 at 8:43 pm

    I found this so enlightening Molly – Elfie only BF for a couple of weeks because of her health issues and Hux until about 6 months (I felt like I wanted to get my freedom back), I think I’d do it differently if I had another though and would most definitely let the baby/toddler lead. x

    Reply
  5. Gill Crawshawhtt says

    November 3, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    YES I KNOW! with you on all of this, good and not so good. Plus, the nipple tweaking…*insert anguished face* Off to watch the vlog now xx

    Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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I am not “bossing” it. Or “slaying”. Or “hustling”. Or “smashing” it. I’m not even juggling or spinning plates or doing any of the other words we use as a glossy, marketable, Instagram friendly way to package up burnout culture, under the guise of “empowering” women (💪🤢). 
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What I have been doing, though, is working too hard. Call a spade a spade. I’ve been working too hard, neglecting my health, my relationships, my life away from my laptop. I can not be everything to everyone AND work at the level I’ve been working at BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN BEING. And you are too. We are not robots.
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I care deeply about all my work, and things aren’t always this intense, but I wanted to sprinkle some reality into the Gram because I am so over this lie that *any* type of success or achievement doesn’t come at a cost, or involve many failures in the background, or require many other people to help make things happen. 
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I guess what I’m saying is, let’s be real about all that, as well as showing the achievements. I’m bloody proud of my book. And I’m so excited to launch the social enterprise @bodyhappyorg properly next month. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, and that there isn’t a price. 
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And with that, I’m taking the weekend off. See you on the other side 🥰🥰🥰
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[Image description: Molly sits in her office with her hands covering her mouth. On the back of one hand is written “Not bossing it”. She is wearing a pink boiler suit with a black and white top underneath. She has pink leopard print earrings on and her hair is tied back.]
This was taken at the start of half term, when the This was taken at the start of half term, when the kids were still enthusiastic about going for a walk. 1,705 walks around the same bit of countryside later... not so much 😬 
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If you’re struggling to get your kids motivated to move their body at the moment, go gentle. You’re not alone. Bad weather coupled with boredom coupled with the lure of screens is a heady recipe for lethargy - and that’s just me! 
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Seriously though, remember: all movement is valid. Even if it’s just a ten minute @cosmickids sesh or a little kitchen disco, it all counts. And if it comes from a place of enjoyment and fun, kids (and adults!) are going to be far more likely to want to get involved.
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What joyful movement activities are your kids enjoying right now (if any?!)?
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters are standing in a field. They’re wearing colourful wellies, holding hands and smiling.]
I founded a social enterprise 😵 . Introducing: I founded a social enterprise 😵
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Introducing: @bodyhappyorg 🎉
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We are a Community Interest Company dedicated to promoting positive body image in children. We help adults help the kids in their care be friends with their bodies 🥰. 
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Through workshops and classes, digital and physical resources (both free and paid) we help parents, carers, teachers, youth leaders - and any adults who are ever around children - create body happy settings for kids to thrive in. 
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We launch officially next month with a beautiful new website and lots of resources which we’ll continually be adding to. In the meantime give us a follow at @bodyhappyorg - we start posting from today and our page has been designed as a free resource on its own! 
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I’m privileged to work alongside an incredible team of people on this. Shout-out to the original dream team @chelseacoxstrategist @amysnellingpt @effinitupfaye @lottie_storey @bodyconfidencecards_db @rachel_hobnobs & @aceandping 💕 LOVE YOU ALL! 💕
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[Image description: A blue square with yellow and white text which reads “the body happy org”. This is the logo for The Body Happy Organisation CIC]
Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-sta Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-stained hoodie and tracksuit bottoms at least once in the past month 😐
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[Image description: Molly is wearing pink dungarees with yellow buttons over a black rollneck long-sleeved top. She has a monochrome striped hairband on and her hair is pink. She is also wearing earrings with boobs on them. She looks very pleased, both with her earrings, the pink hair and the fact she’s not wearing sleepwear, for a change.]
A new report from the Education Policy Institute h A new report from the Education Policy Institute has concluded an obvious gender divide in the well-being of young adults. If you’d like to read more check out this article by Eleanor Peake in @newstatesman (I’ve linked to it in my Stories).
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Every week I get messages from parents and teachers concerned about the impact of social media on their kids’ body image. And of course, I couldn’t write a book about body image in kids and teens without covering social media - there’s a whole chapter in Body Happy Kids dedicated to the subject. 
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The thing is, social media isn’t going anywhere. And just like it can be a force for anxiety, shame and general angst it can be a force for good too. The trick is in knowing how to use it positively (and in holding the platforms to account for not moderating the spread of harmful viral trends and online abuse, and creating algorithms that deliberately create division and harm mental health... but that’s a story for another day). 
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But how can we expect our kids to have a handle on it when we, as adults, don’t ourselves? 
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I don’t believe the answer is to ban social media, but I don’t think kids should be given unfettered access to it either. 
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They need help navigating this stuff, learning about boundaries, developing media literacy skills so they can think critically about the content they’re consuming (just like many adults).
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And we also need to explore how we might be inadvertently contributing to the problem, perpetuating appearance ideals and creating a culture where kids learn it’s ok to body shame under the guise of health and to value each other based on the way they look.
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As ever, it’s complicated. I’d love to know what you think? What are some of the boundaries you have around social media in your house - both for yourself and your kids?
#BodyHappyKids 
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[Full text in Alt Text]
When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnan When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnancy yoga class every week. It was the highlight of my week. I left each session feeling like I was floating on a cloud, and I used the poses and breath work to guide me through labour too. But then I had my baby and found that, as a knackered new mum of two, I couldn’t find the time for yoga. I no longer had the excuse of doing it “for the bump” or “to prepare for labour”, so what was the point?
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It wasn’t until I started reinvesting in myself and unravelling the diet culture perspective on exercise that I found it again, along with running, which turned to hiking, and swimming. 
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It wasn’t about preparing my body for someone or something else. It was about the process itself, the time to unwind my mind and move my body for joy, just for me. I’ve lost a bit of that this past year with lockdowns, and I feel it.
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I recently signed up to @theunderbellyyoga with @mynameisjessamyn and feel like I’m finding it again. I love that my kids can see me taking time for myself, and enjoying movement, and that they sometimes want to join in too. Even if it is a bit annoying sometimes (swipe 👀). 
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#BodyHappyMum 
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[Image description: Molly and her 6 year old daughter Effie sit on yoga and gymnastics mats with their legs crossed and arms in the air. They have their backs to the camera. In the second image they are sitting crossed legged while twisting round to the side, and in the third image Molly is lying on the mat with her eyes closed while Effie leans over her, being a bit annoying.]
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