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You are here: Home / STYLE / How to be body positive

How to be body positive

June 16, 2017 by Molly 4 Comments

how to be body positive

For me, body positivity is about body acceptance. It’s about learning to be positive about my body, no matter the lumps and bumps. I’m not a curvy woman. In fact, my teeny tiny boobs are smaller now after two and a half years of breastfeeding than they ever have been before. I have a straight up and down pencil shape with huge “swimmers” shoulders that I’ve been conscious of since I was about ten. This said, I’ve never had a hateful relationship with my body – instead I’ve always taken more of an irreverent approach to it. I guess I haven’t really thought too much about it either way, having always been a pretty similar shape.

However, in the past year or so I’ve started to have the odd wobble – and I’m not talking about the belly kind. I’ve fretted a little over my non-existent thigh gap and worried over my non-washboard stomach. It’s made me second-guess myself, wonder if I’m making a fool of myself wearing a particular dress or speaking to the camera at a particular angle on a YouTube video. This isn’t me. It’s never been what I’ve been like before, so why now? 

I think, in my case, it’s a social media thing. I’ve been so bombarded with images of body “perfection” on Instagram and watched so many weight loss videos on YouTube that I’ve started to compare my own body and felt like I’ve come up short. I spend more time on social media than most, because it’s my job, and I don’t think that’s necessarily been healthy in terms of my relationship with my body.

There’s another factor though, and it’s a pretty straight-forward one. I’d put on weight. Just after Christmas I weighed myself (something I rarely ever do) and was shocked at what the scales told me. I couldn’t fit into my favourite pair of jeans and I suddenly noticed chafing around my arms and thighs that hadn’t been there before. My weight gain had nothing to do with being kind to myself and accepting my body for what it was – something I think we all need to do. It had more to do with NOT being kind to myself, not making the time to exercise or to even drink a couple of glasses of water in a day. To me, my weight gain was a direct result and physical evidence of self-neglect. And it made me feel crap.

So, after Christmas, I decided to make a few little tweaks to my lifestyle which might make me feel positive and – perhaps – even a little bit confident again. It was about looking after myself rather than losing the weight. I don’t mind being bigger if it’s the shape I’m meant to be. But I do mind being bigger if it’s because I’ve put myself last on the list of people to care about.

I drank more water (aiming for around two litres a day), I ate more fresh fruit and vegetables (particularly blueberries, avocadoes, baby carrots, lettuce and sweet potato – something I’d always told myself was an extravagance we couldn’t afford before… until I realised you can buy blueberries and avocado halves frozen at Tesco). I exercised, at first running a couple of times a week and, lately, doing quick 20 minute Tabata workouts on YouTube (this guy is brilliant if you’re after a quick workout you can do at home by the way). I ate more chicken, fish and lean meat and less cheap sausages and pizza.

My approach was about MORE instead of less. I didn’t deny myself wine or chocolate if I really wanted it (which I always do at the weekend and often mid-week too). I didn’t stop eating all carbs. My beloved cake and cheese were still a part of my life. Instead, I simply added water, more fresh food and exercise to my life too.

And the result? I feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time. My body isn’t much different, I’m about a stone lighter than I was at Christmas but, really, a stone isn’t a massive amount is it? My shoulders are the same size as they ever have been and my boobs are still as small as ever. My tummy still wobbles and I still have a non-existent thigh gap. BUT this year I’m actually considering buying a bikini for our summer holiday instead of my usual hold-it-all-in corset style swimsuit. And the reason? I’ve looked after my body a bit more and come to realise that it’s not that bad after all. I feel positive about it and no longer care about the bingo wings and dimpled bum.

I guess it’s obvious the thing that’s really changed here is my mindset. No amount of weight loss or carved abs would have gotten me this feeling of positivity and acceptance had my mind not made a major shift. Just caring about myself a little more has made me feel happier and more confident in my skin.

Body positivity isn’t about weight loss targets or counting syns or points on a complicated diet plan. It’s about taking the time to be nice to yourself and realise that, whatever your shape, your body can be beautiful if your mind lets you see it that way.

If you’re struggling to feel comfortable in your skin at the moment then I urge you to pop over to Instagram and have a look at the #warriorwomanproject hashtag today and have a read about this inspiring project over on Natalie’s Style Me Sunday blog. This post on the subject by my pal Alison at Not Another Mummy Blog is also really brilliant and well worth a read.

Tell me, how do you feel about your body?

Filed Under: Beauty, STYLE Tagged With: body awareness, body confidence, body positive, happiness, healthy living, mum body

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Comments

  1. Katie @mummydaddyme says

    June 16, 2017 at 11:38 am

    This is a great post Molly. I agree with you that I have never really disliked or truly liked my body, even before kids. I was never super toned nor over weight, I was always just a comfortable size growing up and as such it just made me have a so so approach to my body.
    Since having kids, I have definitely put on weight and there are parts of me that of course I am self conscious about. I am the same as you boob wise, I am still feeding but when I stop there will be nothing there. And since having Wren I have become much more of a pear shape with a doughy tummy. But I still just feel so so about it. If I ever get to the point where I feel uncomfortable a lot of the time, I will eat healthier and exercise more. But at the same time I am proud of what my body gave me (three babies) and I also have got to an age where if I want to have a glass of wine or a bar of chocolate I am not going to deny myself that for the sake of not putting on weight. Life is too short. xx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 16, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      Life IS too short – you’re right! xx

      Reply
  2. Claire says

    June 16, 2017 at 11:25 am

    Great post as always. I so agree with this: “I don’t mind being bigger if it’s the shape I’m meant to be. But I do mind being bigger if it’s because I’ve put myself last on the list of people to care about.” I was looking after myself before our holiday and felt good, after a holiday blowout I’m finding it hard to get going again and yet I can see the negative effect that eating crap has on myself- I’m so tired and moody all the time. I also loved your tip a few weeks ago about Himalayan Salt. When I sip that each day it makes me have less cravings- I must start again! I love soaking in the Home Bargains Himalayan Salts too! Thanks you warrior woman you! xxx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 16, 2017 at 11:33 am

      Himalayan salt is great isn’t it?! I love a good soak in it too. Feels like you’re doing something nice for yourself! x

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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I am not “bossing” it. Or “slaying”. Or “hustling”. Or “smashing” it. I’m not even juggling or spinning plates or doing any of the other words we use as a glossy, marketable, Instagram friendly way to package up burnout culture, under the guise of “empowering” women (💪🤢). 
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What I have been doing, though, is working too hard. Call a spade a spade. I’ve been working too hard, neglecting my health, my relationships, my life away from my laptop. I cannot be everything to everyone AND work at the level I’ve been working at BECAUSE I AM A HUMAN BEING. And you are too. We are not robots.
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I care deeply about all my work, and things aren’t always this intense, but I wanted to sprinkle some reality into the Gram because I am so over this lie that *any* type of success or achievement doesn’t come at a cost, or involve many failures in the background, or require many other people to help make things happen. 
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I guess what I’m saying is, let’s be real about all that, as well as showing the achievements. I’m bloody proud of my book. And I’m so excited to launch the social enterprise @bodyhappyorg properly next month. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, and that there isn’t a price. 
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And with that, I’m taking the weekend off. See you on the other side 🥰🥰🥰
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[Image description: Molly sits in her office with her hands covering her mouth. On the back of one hand is written “Not bossing it”. She is wearing a pink boiler suit with a black and white top underneath. She has pink leopard print earrings on and her hair is tied back.]
This was taken at the start of half term, when the This was taken at the start of half term, when the kids were still enthusiastic about going for a walk. 1,705 walks around the same bit of countryside later... not so much 😬 
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If you’re struggling to get your kids motivated to move their body at the moment, go gentle. You’re not alone. Bad weather coupled with boredom coupled with the lure of screens is a heady recipe for lethargy - and that’s just me! 
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Seriously though, remember: all movement is valid. Even if it’s just a ten minute @cosmickids sesh or a little kitchen disco, it all counts. And if it comes from a place of enjoyment and fun, kids (and adults!) are going to be far more likely to want to get involved.
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What joyful movement activities are your kids enjoying right now (if any?!)?
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters are standing in a field. They’re wearing colourful wellies, holding hands and smiling.]
I founded a social enterprise 😵 . Introducing: I founded a social enterprise 😵
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Introducing: @bodyhappyorg 🎉
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We are a Community Interest Company dedicated to promoting positive body image in children. We help adults help the kids in their care be friends with their bodies 🥰. 
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Through workshops and classes, digital and physical resources (both free and paid) we help parents, carers, teachers, youth leaders - and any adults who are ever around children - create body happy settings for kids to thrive in. 
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We launch officially next month with a beautiful new website and lots of resources which we’ll continually be adding to. In the meantime give us a follow at @bodyhappyorg - we start posting from today and our page has been designed as a free resource on its own! 
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I’m privileged to work alongside an incredible team of people on this. Shout-out to the original dream team @chelseacoxstrategist @amysnellingpt @effinitupfaye @lottie_storey @bodyconfidencecards_db @rachel_hobnobs & @aceandping 💕 LOVE YOU ALL! 💕
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[Image description: A blue square with yellow and white text which reads “the body happy org”. This is the logo for The Body Happy Organisation CIC]
Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-sta Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-stained hoodie and tracksuit bottoms at least once in the past month 😐
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[Image description: Molly is wearing pink dungarees with yellow buttons over a black rollneck long-sleeved top. She has a monochrome striped hairband on and her hair is pink. She is also wearing earrings with boobs on them. She looks very pleased, both with her earrings, the pink hair and the fact she’s not wearing sleepwear, for a change.]
A new report from the Education Policy Institute h A new report from the Education Policy Institute has concluded an obvious gender divide in the well-being of young adults. If you’d like to read more check out this article by Eleanor Peake in @newstatesman (I’ve linked to it in my Stories).
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Every week I get messages from parents and teachers concerned about the impact of social media on their kids’ body image. And of course, I couldn’t write a book about body image in kids and teens without covering social media - there’s a whole chapter in Body Happy Kids dedicated to the subject. 
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The thing is, social media isn’t going anywhere. And just like it can be a force for anxiety, shame and general angst it can be a force for good too. The trick is in knowing how to use it positively (and in holding the platforms to account for not moderating the spread of harmful viral trends and online abuse, and creating algorithms that deliberately create division and harm mental health... but that’s a story for another day). 
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But how can we expect our kids to have a handle on it when we, as adults, don’t ourselves? 
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I don’t believe the answer is to ban social media, but I don’t think kids should be given unfettered access to it either. 
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They need help navigating this stuff, learning about boundaries, developing media literacy skills so they can think critically about the content they’re consuming (just like many adults).
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And we also need to explore how we might be inadvertently contributing to the problem, perpetuating appearance ideals and creating a culture where kids learn it’s ok to body shame under the guise of health and to value each other based on the way they look.
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As ever, it’s complicated. I’d love to know what you think? What are some of the boundaries you have around social media in your house - both for yourself and your kids?
#BodyHappyKids 
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[Full text in Alt Text]
When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnan When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnancy yoga class every week. It was the highlight of my week. I left each session feeling like I was floating on a cloud, and I used the poses and breath work to guide me through labour too. But then I had my baby and found that, as a knackered new mum of two, I couldn’t find the time for yoga. I no longer had the excuse of doing it “for the bump” or “to prepare for labour”, so what was the point?
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It wasn’t until I started reinvesting in myself and unravelling the diet culture perspective on exercise that I found it again, along with running, which turned to hiking, and swimming. 
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It wasn’t about preparing my body for someone or something else. It was about the process itself, the time to unwind my mind and move my body for joy, just for me. I’ve lost a bit of that this past year with lockdowns, and I feel it.
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I recently signed up to @theunderbellyyoga with @mynameisjessamyn and feel like I’m finding it again. I love that my kids can see me taking time for myself, and enjoying movement, and that they sometimes want to join in too. Even if it is a bit annoying sometimes (swipe 👀). 
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#BodyHappyMum 
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[Image description: Molly and her 6 year old daughter Effie sit on yoga and gymnastics mats with their legs crossed and arms in the air. They have their backs to the camera. In the second image they are sitting crossed legged while twisting round to the side, and in the third image Molly is lying on the mat with her eyes closed while Effie leans over her, being a bit annoying.]
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