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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / A short history of owning fear

A short history of owning fear

April 15, 2019 by Molly 1 Comment

I’ve always been a thrill-seeker. As a kid I’d rush straight to the highest roller-coaster and throw myself down the death slide without looking back. It wasn’t that they didn’t scare me (they did), it was more that I appreciated the rush of looking fear straight in the face, putting my middle finger up at it and doing it anyway. Life in the slow lane seemed pointless, as a kid.

Fear is a funny thing. Sometimes the scariest things can be the least obvious. Everyone has different fear triggers and, for me, the things that others might find scary often don’t hold the same level of bone crippling anxiety. Jumping out of a plane, for example, or appearing on the This Morning sofa in nothing but bodypaint – both things I did last week, as it happens.

The things that bring me fear are the thought of something happening to my kids, the state of the economy and the logistics of any travel plans. I always get travel anxiety – not because I think the plane might crash but because I’m terrified I’ll be late and miss my flight. Silly, I know.

Over the last couple of weeks many people have told me I’m “so brave”. A mixture of doing live interviews about Naked Beach, appearing on telly in the buff and putting myself “out there” in ways many others don’t, seems to give people the idea I’m some sort of superhuman. I’m not. I’m just like you, really. It’s just that my particular (and often quite annoying) skillset is talking, cameras and microphones bring me absolutely no fear and neither does my own naked body. That’s not to say other things don’t turn me into a quivering wreck though (Great White sharks – AAAAAAAARGH!!!! Late trains – AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!), we all have our fear triggers.

I think the trick with fear is doing it anyway. It’s a cheesy Pinterest style attitude and I can see you rolling your eyes already, but it’s true. Because as soon as you actually do something that makes you quiver with doubt it often holds far less fear. I can still get those stomach curdling moments of sheer panic that I’ve made all the wrong life choices and it’s all going to end horribly, but I find that as soon as I do the thing that triggers that panic, or ride the wave of the fear, it suddenly holds far less power over me.

There’s this idea that confident people don’t feel fear, and it’s a lie. Only a robot or someone completely devoid of human emotions will never feel fear. It’s built in us, part of being a living creature, as natural as the urge to eat when we’re hungry. Fear is nothing to fear. It’s what you do with that fear that ultimately counts. How you let it define your existence and shrink or widen your world.

There is no shame in feeling fear. The shame comes if we let it govern all our choices, or try to disguise it as another emotion – letting it fuel our anger or hatred or negativity towards others. That’s when fear gets dangerous.

This is also where I feel fear and self-love are so intrinsically linked. A lot of the time the fear we feel can bring about a really negative reaction – either towards ourselves or others. We feel scared at the thought of baring our flesh on the beach, for example, so we lash out at ourselves (dieting or extreme over-exercise or a barrage of negative self-talk) or others (body shaming anyone who doesn’t look like us or judging others from a place of our own fear and body insecurities). But if we learned how to own that fear, nurture it and turn it into something positive we might be a step closer to learning to like ourselves just as we are, and in turn be kinder to those around us.

I don’t believe there are any expert ways of tackling fear, because we are all ultimately so different. But I do believe in looking inwards and finding out why certain things bring us that jelly in the legs feeling. And then looking inwards some more and exploring why we react to fear in the way that we do.

How about you? What are your fear triggers? How do you react to fear? What does it take to help you face fear down and walk straight into it?

Filed Under: SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: body image, fear, Molly Forbes Naked Beach, self-love

« The secret I’ve been keeping for almost a year… introducing Naked Beach
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Comments

  1. Grandma Maggie says

    April 16, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    My fears are self made mainly..however my reaction is to put them in a box and close the lid! Peeping in now and then – possibly dealing with them in chunks, rather than in one MASSIVE meltdown. My children and grandchildren give me perspective. Thank you XX

    Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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