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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / A short history of owning fear

A short history of owning fear

April 15, 2019 by Molly Leave a Comment

I’ve always been a thrill-seeker. As a kid I’d rush straight to the highest roller-coaster and throw myself down the death slide without looking back. It wasn’t that they didn’t scare me (they did), it was more that I appreciated the rush of looking fear straight in the face, putting my middle finger up at it and doing it anyway. Life in the slow lane seemed pointless, as a kid.

Fear is a funny thing. Sometimes the scariest things can be the least obvious. Everyone has different fear triggers and, for me, the things that others might find scary often don’t hold the same level of bone crippling anxiety. Jumping out of a plane, for example, or appearing on the This Morning sofa in nothing but bodypaint – both things I did last week, as it happens.

The things that bring me fear are the thought of something happening to my kids, the state of the economy and the logistics of any travel plans. I always get travel anxiety – not because I think the plane might crash but because I’m terrified I’ll be late and miss my flight. Silly, I know.

Over the last couple of weeks many people have told me I’m “so brave”. A mixture of doing live interviews about Naked Beach, appearing on telly in the buff and putting myself “out there” in ways many others don’t, seems to give people the idea I’m some sort of superhuman. I’m not. I’m just like you, really. It’s just that my particular (and often quite annoying) skillset is talking, cameras and microphones bring me absolutely no fear and neither does my own naked body. That’s not to say other things don’t turn me into a quivering wreck though (Great White sharks – AAAAAAAARGH!!!! Late trains – AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!), we all have our fear triggers.

I think the trick with fear is doing it anyway. It’s a cheesy Pinterest style attitude and I can see you rolling your eyes already, but it’s true. Because as soon as you actually do something that makes you quiver with doubt it often holds far less fear. I can still get those stomach curdling moments of sheer panic that I’ve made all the wrong life choices and it’s all going to end horribly, but I find that as soon as I do the thing that triggers that panic, or ride the wave of the fear, it suddenly holds far less power over me.

There’s this idea that confident people don’t feel fear, and it’s a lie. Only a robot or someone completely devoid of human emotions will never feel fear. It’s built in us, part of being a living creature, as natural as the urge to eat when we’re hungry. Fear is nothing to fear. It’s what you do with that fear that ultimately counts. How you let it define your existence and shrink or widen your world.

There is no shame in feeling fear. The shame comes if we let it govern all our choices, or try to disguise it as another emotion – letting it fuel our anger or hatred or negativity towards others. That’s when fear gets dangerous.

This is also where I feel fear and self-love are so intrinsically linked. A lot of the time the fear we feel can bring about a really negative reaction – either towards ourselves or others. We feel scared at the thought of baring our flesh on the beach, for example, so we lash out at ourselves (dieting or extreme over-exercise or a barrage of negative self-talk) or others (body shaming anyone who doesn’t look like us or judging others from a place of our own fear and body insecurities). But if we learned how to own that fear, nurture it and turn it into something positive we might be a step closer to learning to like ourselves just as we are, and in turn be kinder to those around us.

I don’t believe there are any expert ways of tackling fear, because we are all ultimately so different. But I do believe in looking inwards and finding out why certain things bring us that jelly in the legs feeling. And then looking inwards some more and exploring why we react to fear in the way that we do.

How about you? What are your fear triggers? How do you react to fear? What does it take to help you face fear down and walk straight into it?

Filed Under: SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: body image, fear, Molly Forbes Naked Beach, self-love

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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This was taken at the start of half term, when the This was taken at the start of half term, when the kids were still enthusiastic about going for a walk. 1,705 walks around the same bit of countryside later... not so much 😬 
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If you’re struggling to get your kids motivated to move their body at the moment, go gentle. You’re not alone. Bad weather coupled with boredom coupled with the lure of screens is a heady recipe for lethargy - and that’s just me! 
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Seriously though, remember: all movement is valid. Even if it’s just a ten minute @cosmickids sesh or a little kitchen disco, it all counts. And if it comes from a place of enjoyment and fun, kids (and adults!) are going to be far more likely to want to get involved.
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What joyful movement activities are your kids enjoying right now (if any?!)?
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters are standing in a field. They’re wearing colourful wellies, holding hands and smiling.]
I founded a social enterprise 😵 . Introducing: I founded a social enterprise 😵
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Introducing: @bodyhappyorg 🎉
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We are a Community Interest Company dedicated to promoting positive body image in children. We help adults help the kids in their care be friends with their bodies 🥰. 
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Through workshops and classes, digital and physical resources (both free and paid) we help parents, carers, teachers, youth leaders - and any adults who are ever around children - create body happy settings for kids to thrive in. 
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We launch officially next month with a beautiful new website and lots of resources which we’ll continually be adding to. In the meantime give us a follow at @bodyhappyorg - we start posting from today and our page has been designed as a free resource on its own! 
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I’m privileged to work alongside an incredible team of people on this. Shout-out to the original dream team @chelseacoxstrategist @amysnellingpt @effinitupfaye @lottie_storey @bodyconfidencecards_db @rachel_hobnobs & @aceandping 💕 LOVE YOU ALL! 💕
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[Image description: A blue square with yellow and white text which reads “the body happy org”. This is the logo for The Body Happy Organisation CIC]
Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-sta Proof that I did wear clothes other than a tea-stained hoodie and tracksuit bottoms at least once in the past month 😐
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[Image description: Molly is wearing pink dungarees with yellow buttons over a black rollneck long-sleeved top. She has a monochrome striped hairband on and her hair is pink. She is also wearing earrings with boobs on them. She looks very pleased, both with her earrings, the pink hair and the fact she’s not wearing sleepwear, for a change.]
A new report from the Education Policy Institute h A new report from the Education Policy Institute has concluded an obvious gender divide in the well-being of young adults. If you’d like to read more check out this article by Eleanor Peake in @newstatesman (I’ve linked to it in my Stories).
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Every week I get messages from parents and teachers concerned about the impact of social media on their kids’ body image. And of course, I couldn’t write a book about body image in kids and teens without covering social media - there’s a whole chapter in Body Happy Kids dedicated to the subject. 
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The thing is, social media isn’t going anywhere. And just like it can be a force for anxiety, shame and general angst it can be a force for good too. The trick is in knowing how to use it positively (and in holding the platforms to account for not moderating the spread of harmful viral trends and online abuse, and creating algorithms that deliberately create division and harm mental health... but that’s a story for another day). 
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But how can we expect our kids to have a handle on it when we, as adults, don’t ourselves? 
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I don’t believe the answer is to ban social media, but I don’t think kids should be given unfettered access to it either. 
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They need help navigating this stuff, learning about boundaries, developing media literacy skills so they can think critically about the content they’re consuming (just like many adults).
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And we also need to explore how we might be inadvertently contributing to the problem, perpetuating appearance ideals and creating a culture where kids learn it’s ok to body shame under the guise of health and to value each other based on the way they look.
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As ever, it’s complicated. I’d love to know what you think? What are some of the boundaries you have around social media in your house - both for yourself and your kids?
#BodyHappyKids 
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When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnan When I was pregnant with Effie I went to a pregnancy yoga class every week. It was the highlight of my week. I left each session feeling like I was floating on a cloud, and I used the poses and breath work to guide me through labour too. But then I had my baby and found that, as a knackered new mum of two, I couldn’t find the time for yoga. I no longer had the excuse of doing it “for the bump” or “to prepare for labour”, so what was the point?
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It wasn’t until I started reinvesting in myself and unravelling the diet culture perspective on exercise that I found it again, along with running, which turned to hiking, and swimming. 
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It wasn’t about preparing my body for someone or something else. It was about the process itself, the time to unwind my mind and move my body for joy, just for me. I’ve lost a bit of that this past year with lockdowns, and I feel it.
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I recently signed up to @theunderbellyyoga with @mynameisjessamyn and feel like I’m finding it again. I love that my kids can see me taking time for myself, and enjoying movement, and that they sometimes want to join in too. Even if it is a bit annoying sometimes (swipe 👀). 
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#BodyHappyMum 
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[Image description: Molly and her 6 year old daughter Effie sit on yoga and gymnastics mats with their legs crossed and arms in the air. They have their backs to the camera. In the second image they are sitting crossed legged while twisting round to the side, and in the third image Molly is lying on the mat with her eyes closed while Effie leans over her, being a bit annoying.]
Health is complicated, yet it’s so often over-si Health is complicated, yet it’s so often over-simplified on social media. “Just eat less and move more!” etc are packaged up as empowering motivational quotes, but when we look into what health actually is, and the many things that impact it, we realise that this view isn’t empowering at all. 
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Any conversation about health that doesn’t acknowledge the fact of body diversity, social determinants of health and the impact of weight stigma and all forms of discrimination on health, is not a full conversation.
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When it comes to how this makes children feel about their bodies, the impact is huge. From appearance based bullying (both online and in the playground) to confusion over how best to look after their own health, we’re not equipping kids with the tools to feel good in their bodies or be accepting of other children in bodies that may not look the way we teach kids “healthy” looks. 
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Consider this as a “starter post”, an introduction to the “But what about health?” question if you’ve not come across a weight inclusive approach to health before. If it’s useful bookmark and come back to it. And maybe even share it if you think your friends and family might benefit from it too. 
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On the last slide you’ll find a short list of further reading. This is by no means an exhaustive list! Again, just a starting point. 
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There are professors, researchers, activists, educators, doctors, public health policy makers doing important work in this area (who have been leading the charge on this for decades, before social media was even a thing), but still the mainstream view on health always seems to come down to personal responsibility arguments and the “eat less, move more” approach. Just remember, it’s complicated. ❤️
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EDIT: On the last slide I recommend the book Burn Out - apologies for a typo to author name: it is written by Emily & AMELIA Nagoski 
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