• SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE
  • MOTHERHOOD
    • Pregnancy
    • Babies
    • Kids
  • ADVENTURE
  • STYLE
    • Interiors
    • Fashion
    • Beauty
  • FOOD

Mother's Always Right

Mum life, body image, style

  • ABOUT
  • PRESS
  • Podcast
  • Public Speaking
  • YOUTUBE
  • WORK WITH ME
  • #FreeFromDiets campaign
You are here: Home / MOTHERHOOD / Kids / It’s the little things

It’s the little things

October 28, 2016 by Molly 16 Comments

It’s the little things that make a relationship work. Once you’re past the initial heady excitement of butterflies in the stomach and awe at every funny thing your partner says, you’re left with the bare bones of reality. Socks on the floor, a comfortable ease with each other than can stretch into boring if you don’t take care. On the surface, not the recipe for a happy marriage.

I remember reading an interview with Iman after David Bowie died, saying how he still made her stomach flip after all those years of being together. The NLM still makes my stomach flip, but not in the anxious “does he like me?” way of those first days, but a “I can’t believe he did that” way that comes with five years of marriage and eight years of co-habitation.

We’re not perfect. No couple is (no PERSON is, come to think of it). But we work and that, mainly, is because we view marriage and this business of raising small people as a job that’s to be done together. Of course he has habits (as do I) that set my teeth on edge. He still doesn’t know how to put his socks in the laundry basket and he has a blind spot when it comes to crumbs on the breadboard. I often find myself moaning about him “not getting it” to my mum mates. But on balance, those things really don’t matter.

Sometimes it takes a week at home together to realise how much you appreciate the other person in a relationship. Our usual daily grind is him leaving the house for a day teaching at 7.15am. He returns anywhere between 4.30pm and 8pm depending on if he has meetings or not, and evenings Monday – Thursday are often dominated by the bath, bed, work routine. We can go a few days without having a meaningful conversation and we’ve both come to accept that’s life with work and two small children in the mix.

The bits that make it worth it are the small things. The fact that every day this week over half term, when Baby Girl has woken up for the day at 5am, the NLM has taken her downstairs after her morning breastfeed and snuggle in bed at 6am without complaint. He’s let me sleep until I’m ready to wake (“I cope far better on less sleep, I honestly don’t mind”) and been cheerful when I’ve come downstairs, bleary eyed and often stressed at my To Do list for the day.

He makes cups of tea (“brews”) without me even asking, despite not being a tea drinker himself. He’s got stuck into our DIY kitchen renovation while small humans clamber at his ankles, with a smile on his face, despite coming across as unequivocally grumpy in every YouTube video I’ve ever made.

So he can’t put a duvet cover on a duvet to save his life, but he reads Frog a bedtime story every night without fail and never lets me go to bed without a kiss on the forehead and telling me he loves me. Even tall bald guys from Rochdale can be affectionate, see?

More than any of that, though, is that he appreciates the things I find important, even though they’re not the same things that motivate him. He couldn’t care less about mess and dust, for example, but he sees that these things stress me out. When I text him after a bad day he replies (mostly) with a “We’re in this together. You’re not on your own.” I appreciate that. It’s so easy to lose sight of it in the chaos of parenting.

My husband rarely buys me flowers. He doesn’t have the budget to get me an expensive bottle of perfume for every birthday, or take me to a five star hotel for every anniversary. I remember our first Valentine’s Day after getting together and he covered the whole flat with rose petals, making me a treasure trail of presents which led to a menu for a special meal he was going to cook me that evening. That’s never happened again, but it’s OK. I’d take what we have over those extravagent shows of affection any day.

Real love – the love that endures – is doing something for someone because you know they’ll quietly appreciate it. Tackling the house stuff as a team, taking on a DIY project because you know the other person will take huge pleasure from it, letting your other half have a lie-in without moaning about being tired, offering a cup of tea – just because.

It’s the little things that make a marriage. A sense of humour also helps.

Save

Save

Save

Filed Under: Kids, MOTHERHOOD Tagged With: husband and wife, love, marriage, Parenting, relationships

« Not a Pinterest mum
The answer to the baby witching hour blues »

Comments

  1. helloitsgemma says

    November 22, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    Been meaning to comment on this post for ages, loved it very much. So much that I included it in a round of of ‘lovely things’. It is so true, it’s the small things that make all the difference.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 29, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      Ah thank you Gem! x

      Reply
  2. laura redburn says

    November 2, 2016 at 11:30 am

    love this. i have no plans on getting married (he agrees, not just me being stubborn ha) but am in a long term relationship so obviously i can identify with this on some level. he is the least romantic person ever, i’ve never had breakfast in bed or random gestures of love (unless you count buying me chocolate bars from time to time) and sometimes when i’m ill he tells me to ‘stop being lazy’ – but i know that when it comes down to it, he loves me and cares for me and whenever i’ve really needed him he’s been there (or at least via text if he’s at work) for me. he’s so supportive and kind and just an all round wonderful person…unless he’s in a strop 😉

    also totally agreed about a sense of humour! couldn’t be without that.

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 2, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      A sense of humour is a deal breaker as far as I’m concerned!

      Reply
  3. Alice says

    November 1, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    Love love love grandma from the north’s comment! This was such a great post to read Molly – I’d love to get married again one day and things like this make me believe there is someone out there for me. It’s nice to hear your take on it and is fairly parallel with my beliefs on marriage… it’s tough, nobody’s perfect and it takes a lot of hard work and perseverance but the payoffs (and lie-ins) are more than worth it 🙂 xx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 2, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      There definitely is someone for you Alice. And whoever he is will be a very lucky man. x

      Reply
  4. Penny Alexander says

    October 31, 2016 at 9:55 pm

    Beautiful post Molly, really resonated with me. Thanks for this ‘window into life’ how true it is – how many times I have stupidly wished for a bunch of flowers when the most wonderful ordinary gestures are happening right under my nose xx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 2, 2016 at 10:07 pm

      You’re very right – the ordinary gestures are the ones that count. Flowers are nice too though, obvs (if you’re reading this NLM!).

      Reply
  5. Slummy single mummy says

    October 31, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    My OH makes me a cup of tea in bed every single morning. It’s one tiny thing but it means so much to me 🙂

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 2, 2016 at 10:07 pm

      Ah a cup of tea in bed every morning sounds like the best way to start the day. Although – reading that back it sounds like a euphamism…!

      Reply
  6. grandma from the north says

    October 29, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    Ah I am so proud of my son! And In can definitely confirm that bald headed guys from Rochdale can be affectionate – reference hubbie of 45 years! A lovely post. you are a great couple. Soul mates. xx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      November 2, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      And proud you should be! x

      Reply
  7. Carie @ Space for the Butterflies says

    October 29, 2016 at 8:14 am

    He sounds like a keeper! And it’s solid advice, if you needed your marriage to be grand gestures of love and appreciation it would be unlikely to flourish with children in the mix – John does the things for me that I didn’t know I needed; usually making me take a break from work and be slightly more realistic about what I can do in a set amount of time!!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      October 29, 2016 at 11:02 am

      I totally agree. The NLM is the same at helping to calm me down when I get stressed!

      Reply
  8. BySarahMostly says

    October 28, 2016 at 8:03 pm

    Oh I couldn’t agree more! After twenty two years together, I think it’s the little things that still mean the most. I might be saying that because Mr Mostly almost never buys me flowers though! Ha!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      October 29, 2016 at 11:03 am

      22 years is some achievement! I’d take regular cups of tea and lie-ins over flowers any day!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

  • Bloglovin
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

YOUTUBE

INSTAGRAM

Tonight should be our first night on holiday in Sp Tonight should be our first night on holiday in Spain. Made up for it with a meal outside at the village pub and a “late” bedtime (any evening out past 8pm is late for us!). Devon is heaven ❤️ #mumlife
ALL children have the right to feel good about the ALL children have the right to feel good about themselves and their body - not just the ones who “look healthy”. Children are being taught at a younger and younger age that their body is a problem that needs to be fixed. 
.
The current climate of intense body shaming disguised as health concern is creating policies which actively damage the relationship children have with their bodies. There is a huge amount of evidence showing that the better kids feel about their body, the more likely they are to make choices that make their body feel good - like taking part in movement or eating in a happy, intuitive way. 
.
Making health all about weight not only damages kids’ body image, making them either feel like their body is “wrong” or fear it becoming “wrong”, it also gives a free pass to the diet industry to aggressively market their products at children, under the guise of health. Ironically, encouraging kids to engage in dieting and habits which are actively bad for their health. This culture affects ALL children.
. 
And of course this version of health, and this focus on making kids’ bodies the problem, lets the politicians off the hook. Easier to put the nation on a diet instead of investing in policies which will reduce inequality and give everyone access to the things needed to live a full and healthy life.
.
There is a silver lining though, because we can choose to be part of the solution. We can say no to diet culture at home and challenge it when it pops up in the spaces kids should be safest.
.
If you’re a teacher our Body Happy Kids workshop is an intro to this subject with tools for creating body happy spaces for the children in your care. Find out more and sign up via my bio. ❤️ #BodyHappyKids
To lift the mood after the last week, here’s a t To lift the mood after the last week, here’s a throwback to this time last year when I roped my husband into filming me for an alternative Love Island title sequence. Out of shot: a packed beach full of people confused why a woman is doing multiple bikini changes under a towel and instructing her husband on different camera angles while her bemused children look on 😂. The video was an alternative title sequence for if Love Island was filmed in Devon and featured a mum the “wrong” side of 35 and the “wrong” side of a size 10. 🔥 HAPPY BLOODY FRIDAY you lovely lot 🥂🥂🥂 #BodyHappyMum #MumsGoneWild
[Stat from @themilitantbaker’s brilliant TED Tal [Stat from @themilitantbaker’s brilliant TED Talk] 
.
Poor body image and weight stigma are serious public health issues. These are complex, far reaching issues that impact us on an individual and societal level in many ways. This thread isn’t to say that each of these things alone accounts for the fact kids as young as three are feeling bad about their body, but combined, they create an environment that makes it really tough for children (and adults) to like their body just as it is, regardless of what it looks like.
.
If you care about health you need to be aware that weight stigma kills and poor body image has serious health implications. Want kids to eat more nutrient dense food and move their body? Stop shaming them and teaching them their body is wrong, because research shows body hate is NOT a long term motivator for treating a body with care or respect. 
.
And then realise that even when kids ARE eating more nutrient dense food and moving more this will not guarantee their body will shrink. And this doesn’t mean they are unhealthy, despite what the headlines might tell you.
.
Kids’ bodies don’t need “fixing”. Society needs fixing. Give every child access to good food and safe spaces to move and play. Eradicate inequality and discrimination, challenge stigmatising language. Raise awareness in the mainstream media of what many health professionals already know: health is complex, multi-faceted and is hugely impacted by socio-economic conditions. Saying it’s all down to “personal responsibility” lets the politicians off the hook. 
.
Maybe then, as a nation, we can have a fair crack at good health. Until then I’d argue it’s not about health at all, it’s about money. 
.
#bodyimage #BodyHappyKids
In an alternate universe I’d be packing for a ho In an alternate universe I’d be packing for a holiday to Cantabria in Spain right now. Yet here we are. This summer is brought to us by Argos (paddling pool) and Monki (cozzie). FYI I’m still bikini all the way, but prefer a cozzie for when I get serious doing lengths at the pool 🏊‍♀️🏊‍♀️🏊‍♀️ #bodyhappymum
Did you know that many of the health outcomes blam Did you know that many of the health outcomes blamed on being in a bigger body can be attributed to weight stigma and weight cycling rather than the weight itself? But despite a huge amount of evidence showing this to be the case it’s rarely reported in the mainstream media and doesn’t form the basis of health policy. 
.
You know what’s also bad for health? Inequality. Again, not something informing policies that conveniently apportion blame and simplify weight as all being down to personal responsibility and “lifestyle choices”. 
.
If this government really cared about the health of the nation they’d look at the impact of weight stigma and inequality and create health drives based on these things, instead of saying that putting calorie counts on food labels or telling people to go for a bike ride would make everything better. 
.
I am all for people living in a healthy way, if they wish to and if they can. Eat nutrient dense food, sure! Move your body, sure! Just don’t assume this will automatically lead to weight loss, or that anyone in a bigger body isn’t already doing these things. 
.
The latest focus on the weight of the nation makes me scared for how this will impact children. Will kids get put on diets and begin a lifetime of harmful weight cycling? Will it give yet another green light for bigots to go on national TV and say hugely discriminatory, offensive and uneducated things about people in bigger bodies, thereby perpetuating the weight stigma that we know is so bad for health? Probably. But who cares as long as £££ is being made and the weight loss industry is booming. 
.
It’ll keep us all distracted from issues like the inexcusable number of children living in poverty and the many families in the UK struggling to access nutrient dense food.
.
Look beyond the headlines and the health rhetoric, know that the shape of your body does not signify your worth as a person. And challenge any person or article telling you different.
#bodyimage
Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2020 · Mothers Always Right. Design by Stacey Corrin

This site uses cookies: Find out more.