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You are here: Home / STYLE / How to be body positive

How to be body positive

June 16, 2017 by Molly 4 Comments

how to be body positive

For me, body positivity is about body acceptance. It’s about learning to be positive about my body, no matter the lumps and bumps. I’m not a curvy woman. In fact, my teeny tiny boobs are smaller now after two and a half years of breastfeeding than they ever have been before. I have a straight up and down pencil shape with huge “swimmers” shoulders that I’ve been conscious of since I was about ten. This said, I’ve never had a hateful relationship with my body – instead I’ve always taken more of an irreverent approach to it. I guess I haven’t really thought too much about it either way, having always been a pretty similar shape.

However, in the past year or so I’ve started to have the odd wobble – and I’m not talking about the belly kind. I’ve fretted a little over my non-existent thigh gap and worried over my non-washboard stomach. It’s made me second-guess myself, wonder if I’m making a fool of myself wearing a particular dress or speaking to the camera at a particular angle on a YouTube video. This isn’t me. It’s never been what I’ve been like before, so why now? 

I think, in my case, it’s a social media thing. I’ve been so bombarded with images of body “perfection” on Instagram and watched so many weight loss videos on YouTube that I’ve started to compare my own body and felt like I’ve come up short. I spend more time on social media than most, because it’s my job, and I don’t think that’s necessarily been healthy in terms of my relationship with my body.

There’s another factor though, and it’s a pretty straight-forward one. I’d put on weight. Just after Christmas I weighed myself (something I rarely ever do) and was shocked at what the scales told me. I couldn’t fit into my favourite pair of jeans and I suddenly noticed chafing around my arms and thighs that hadn’t been there before. My weight gain had nothing to do with being kind to myself and accepting my body for what it was – something I think we all need to do. It had more to do with NOT being kind to myself, not making the time to exercise or to even drink a couple of glasses of water in a day. To me, my weight gain was a direct result and physical evidence of self-neglect. And it made me feel crap.

So, after Christmas, I decided to make a few little tweaks to my lifestyle which might make me feel positive and – perhaps – even a little bit confident again. It was about looking after myself rather than losing the weight. I don’t mind being bigger if it’s the shape I’m meant to be. But I do mind being bigger if it’s because I’ve put myself last on the list of people to care about.

I drank more water (aiming for around two litres a day), I ate more fresh fruit and vegetables (particularly blueberries, avocadoes, baby carrots, lettuce and sweet potato – something I’d always told myself was an extravagance we couldn’t afford before… until I realised you can buy blueberries and avocado halves frozen at Tesco). I exercised, at first running a couple of times a week and, lately, doing quick 20 minute Tabata workouts on YouTube (this guy is brilliant if you’re after a quick workout you can do at home by the way). I ate more chicken, fish and lean meat and less cheap sausages and pizza.

My approach was about MORE instead of less. I didn’t deny myself wine or chocolate if I really wanted it (which I always do at the weekend and often mid-week too). I didn’t stop eating all carbs. My beloved cake and cheese were still a part of my life. Instead, I simply added water, more fresh food and exercise to my life too.

And the result? I feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time. My body isn’t much different, I’m about a stone lighter than I was at Christmas but, really, a stone isn’t a massive amount is it? My shoulders are the same size as they ever have been and my boobs are still as small as ever. My tummy still wobbles and I still have a non-existent thigh gap. BUT this year I’m actually considering buying a bikini for our summer holiday instead of my usual hold-it-all-in corset style swimsuit. And the reason? I’ve looked after my body a bit more and come to realise that it’s not that bad after all. I feel positive about it and no longer care about the bingo wings and dimpled bum.

I guess it’s obvious the thing that’s really changed here is my mindset. No amount of weight loss or carved abs would have gotten me this feeling of positivity and acceptance had my mind not made a major shift. Just caring about myself a little more has made me feel happier and more confident in my skin.

Body positivity isn’t about weight loss targets or counting syns or points on a complicated diet plan. It’s about taking the time to be nice to yourself and realise that, whatever your shape, your body can be beautiful if your mind lets you see it that way.

If you’re struggling to feel comfortable in your skin at the moment then I urge you to pop over to Instagram and have a look at the #warriorwomanproject hashtag today and have a read about this inspiring project over on Natalie’s Style Me Sunday blog. This post on the subject by my pal Alison at Not Another Mummy Blog is also really brilliant and well worth a read.

Tell me, how do you feel about your body?

Filed Under: Beauty, STYLE Tagged With: body awareness, body confidence, body positive, happiness, healthy living, mum body

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Comments

  1. Katie @mummydaddyme says

    June 16, 2017 at 11:38 am

    This is a great post Molly. I agree with you that I have never really disliked or truly liked my body, even before kids. I was never super toned nor over weight, I was always just a comfortable size growing up and as such it just made me have a so so approach to my body.
    Since having kids, I have definitely put on weight and there are parts of me that of course I am self conscious about. I am the same as you boob wise, I am still feeding but when I stop there will be nothing there. And since having Wren I have become much more of a pear shape with a doughy tummy. But I still just feel so so about it. If I ever get to the point where I feel uncomfortable a lot of the time, I will eat healthier and exercise more. But at the same time I am proud of what my body gave me (three babies) and I also have got to an age where if I want to have a glass of wine or a bar of chocolate I am not going to deny myself that for the sake of not putting on weight. Life is too short. xx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 16, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      Life IS too short – you’re right! xx

      Reply
  2. Claire says

    June 16, 2017 at 11:25 am

    Great post as always. I so agree with this: “I don’t mind being bigger if it’s the shape I’m meant to be. But I do mind being bigger if it’s because I’ve put myself last on the list of people to care about.” I was looking after myself before our holiday and felt good, after a holiday blowout I’m finding it hard to get going again and yet I can see the negative effect that eating crap has on myself- I’m so tired and moody all the time. I also loved your tip a few weeks ago about Himalayan Salt. When I sip that each day it makes me have less cravings- I must start again! I love soaking in the Home Bargains Himalayan Salts too! Thanks you warrior woman you! xxx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 16, 2017 at 11:33 am

      Himalayan salt is great isn’t it?! I love a good soak in it too. Feels like you’re doing something nice for yourself! x

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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If you feel bad about your body you’re less like If you feel bad about your body you’re less likely to do nice things for it, including moving in a way that feels good and eating in a way that feels good. (FYI health is about more than just exercise and nutrition, but let’s get deeper into the exercise thing for a second...)
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Research shows kids who have low body image are less likely to get involved with sports and more likely to skip PE. 
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Want kids to move more? Stop teaching them that one type of body is better than another - because if their body doesn’t look like your version of a healthy / beautiful / successful body not only will they be more likely to feel shame over their body, they’ll be less likely to engage with the very behaviours you want them to do more of (or be more likely to engage with them in an UNhealthy way - compulsive exercise is dangerous).
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Instead:
💕Try talking about the intrinsic benefits of exercise over the extrinsic ones (ie. how it makes you FEEL instead of how it makes you LOOK).
✨Create opportunities for movement where ALL children feel welcome. 
💕Show children diverse representation so they can see sporting heroes with a range of body types and know that movement is for EVERYbody. 
✨Take a zero tolerance approach to appearance based bullying, body shaming and comments that perpetuate weight stigma (including even the hint that fat = bad). 
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(If you’re a teacher or youth leader interested in knowing more about this topic, a #BodyHappyKids workshop will help - follow the link in my bio 🥰❤️)
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[Image description: A multicoloured slide with an overlaid screenshot of tweet by Molly which reads ‘If your intention is to “get kids healthy” then you need to be aware of how weight bias, weight stigma and poor body image are active barriers to health. The end.]
Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a Sharing this outfit pic with you because it’s a crying shame only the piles of laundry got to see it, quite frankly. Finally, a pair of pre-loved jeans bought online that are true to size, consistent with the rest of the brand’s sizing and actually fit! 🎉 
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PS heads up - I’ll be doing a Q&A about body image and kids in my Stories on Friday. The Q sticker is up in my Stories now if you’d like to submit a Q! 💕 #BodyHappyKids
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[Image description: Molly is standing in front of the mirror looking very pleased with the fact her new jeans bought from Depop fit her. She is wearing pink patterned jeans with cherubs on them, a pink check jumper and pink trainers. There are piles of laundry on the bed behind her.]
Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been Another photo of us on a walk, because it’s been our main form of entertainment this year. Anyone else? 
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I honestly now get excited about putting my boots on and being outdoors, even in the rain. I’m going to start hugging trees next and going on wild camping weekends that involve doing a poo behind a tree and making my own fire. Joke.... maybe. 
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Just another reminder that all movement is valid, exercise doesn’t need to have to be about burning calories or even tracking steps in order for it to be “worth it”. Hope everyone’s had a great weekend ❤️
#BodyHappyMum #JoyfulMovement
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Image description: Molly and her two daughters stand on a bridge in the countryside. They are all wearing hiking boots and outdoor clothes and smiling.
My body is good and excellent and my body only bel My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me ✨ (Words by Effie May, age 6 💕) #BodyHappyMum
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Image description: A close up of Molly’s bare skin as she hugs herself. It’s dark and part of her body is illuminated by light. She has her eyes closed and is smiling.
“Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. “Mummy I wrote a letter to myself,” she said. And my heart swelled. Maybe I’m doing an OK job after all 🤞❤️💕 #BodyHappyKids 
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I could leave this caption here but I need to make something clear: if you think it’s great that my daughter - a thin, white, nondisabled, cisgender kid - feels good in her body but you’re not here for the self-love of any kid who doesn’t look like her.... then you’ve missed the point.
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ALL bodies are good bodies, and without this important piece of the puzzle ALL children will be at risk of doubting their body. And what happens when they doubt their body? Well... hating our body doesn’t make us treat it with love, and the same is true of kids. 
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Great, now we’ve cleared that up, can we take a moment to appreciate the incredible phonetic spelling on show here?! 
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Image description: Effie, age 6, stands against a white wardrobe holding up a letter she has written to herself. It is spelled phonetically and reads “My body is good and excellent and my body only belongs to me.”
I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I ha I used to struggle to buy stuff for myself if I had any spare cash - not just treats, but basics like pants and tights that fit properly. I’d tell myself I didn’t need it, didn’t deserve it, couldn’t justify the expense. There’s still that little voice (the habit of putting everyone else’s needs first and my own last dies hard it seems) but I’m leaning into exploring why it still sometimes rears its head, instead of always listening to it. 
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I’m trying to buy as much as I can from pre-loved places or small businesses these days, which is why I’m very happy to share with you some of my latest finds: a star dress from Depop (£5), earrings from @kelzojewellery by @ourtransitionallife (£12) and the comfiest tights I’ve ever owned in Raspberry Pie by @snagtights (£6.99) 💕💕💕
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Have you found any great small brands lately? Shout them out in the comments so we can all support in the run up to Christmas. ⬇️⚡️
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Image description: Molly is smiling and sticking out her tongue to the camera. Her hair is freshly dyed a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a pink t’shirt underneath a black and white star patterned slip dress, with bright pink tights and black and pink earrings decorated with a boob design.
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