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You are here: Home / STYLE / How to be body positive

How to be body positive

June 16, 2017 by Molly 4 Comments

how to be body positive

For me, body positivity is about body acceptance. It’s about learning to be positive about my body, no matter the lumps and bumps. I’m not a curvy woman. In fact, my teeny tiny boobs are smaller now after two and a half years of breastfeeding than they ever have been before. I have a straight up and down pencil shape with huge “swimmers” shoulders that I’ve been conscious of since I was about ten. This said, I’ve never had a hateful relationship with my body – instead I’ve always taken more of an irreverent approach to it. I guess I haven’t really thought too much about it either way, having always been a pretty similar shape.

However, in the past year or so I’ve started to have the odd wobble – and I’m not talking about the belly kind. I’ve fretted a little over my non-existent thigh gap and worried over my non-washboard stomach. It’s made me second-guess myself, wonder if I’m making a fool of myself wearing a particular dress or speaking to the camera at a particular angle on a YouTube video. This isn’t me. It’s never been what I’ve been like before, so why now? 

I think, in my case, it’s a social media thing. I’ve been so bombarded with images of body “perfection” on Instagram and watched so many weight loss videos on YouTube that I’ve started to compare my own body and felt like I’ve come up short. I spend more time on social media than most, because it’s my job, and I don’t think that’s necessarily been healthy in terms of my relationship with my body.

There’s another factor though, and it’s a pretty straight-forward one. I’d put on weight. Just after Christmas I weighed myself (something I rarely ever do) and was shocked at what the scales told me. I couldn’t fit into my favourite pair of jeans and I suddenly noticed chafing around my arms and thighs that hadn’t been there before. My weight gain had nothing to do with being kind to myself and accepting my body for what it was – something I think we all need to do. It had more to do with NOT being kind to myself, not making the time to exercise or to even drink a couple of glasses of water in a day. To me, my weight gain was a direct result and physical evidence of self-neglect. And it made me feel crap.

So, after Christmas, I decided to make a few little tweaks to my lifestyle which might make me feel positive and – perhaps – even a little bit confident again. It was about looking after myself rather than losing the weight. I don’t mind being bigger if it’s the shape I’m meant to be. But I do mind being bigger if it’s because I’ve put myself last on the list of people to care about.

I drank more water (aiming for around two litres a day), I ate more fresh fruit and vegetables (particularly blueberries, avocadoes, baby carrots, lettuce and sweet potato – something I’d always told myself was an extravagance we couldn’t afford before… until I realised you can buy blueberries and avocado halves frozen at Tesco). I exercised, at first running a couple of times a week and, lately, doing quick 20 minute Tabata workouts on YouTube (this guy is brilliant if you’re after a quick workout you can do at home by the way). I ate more chicken, fish and lean meat and less cheap sausages and pizza.

My approach was about MORE instead of less. I didn’t deny myself wine or chocolate if I really wanted it (which I always do at the weekend and often mid-week too). I didn’t stop eating all carbs. My beloved cake and cheese were still a part of my life. Instead, I simply added water, more fresh food and exercise to my life too.

And the result? I feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time. My body isn’t much different, I’m about a stone lighter than I was at Christmas but, really, a stone isn’t a massive amount is it? My shoulders are the same size as they ever have been and my boobs are still as small as ever. My tummy still wobbles and I still have a non-existent thigh gap. BUT this year I’m actually considering buying a bikini for our summer holiday instead of my usual hold-it-all-in corset style swimsuit. And the reason? I’ve looked after my body a bit more and come to realise that it’s not that bad after all. I feel positive about it and no longer care about the bingo wings and dimpled bum.

I guess it’s obvious the thing that’s really changed here is my mindset. No amount of weight loss or carved abs would have gotten me this feeling of positivity and acceptance had my mind not made a major shift. Just caring about myself a little more has made me feel happier and more confident in my skin.

Body positivity isn’t about weight loss targets or counting syns or points on a complicated diet plan. It’s about taking the time to be nice to yourself and realise that, whatever your shape, your body can be beautiful if your mind lets you see it that way.

If you’re struggling to feel comfortable in your skin at the moment then I urge you to pop over to Instagram and have a look at the #warriorwomanproject hashtag today and have a read about this inspiring project over on Natalie’s Style Me Sunday blog. This post on the subject by my pal Alison at Not Another Mummy Blog is also really brilliant and well worth a read.

Tell me, how do you feel about your body?

Filed Under: Beauty, STYLE Tagged With: body awareness, body confidence, body positive, happiness, healthy living, mum body

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Comments

  1. Katie @mummydaddyme says

    June 16, 2017 at 11:38 am

    This is a great post Molly. I agree with you that I have never really disliked or truly liked my body, even before kids. I was never super toned nor over weight, I was always just a comfortable size growing up and as such it just made me have a so so approach to my body.
    Since having kids, I have definitely put on weight and there are parts of me that of course I am self conscious about. I am the same as you boob wise, I am still feeding but when I stop there will be nothing there. And since having Wren I have become much more of a pear shape with a doughy tummy. But I still just feel so so about it. If I ever get to the point where I feel uncomfortable a lot of the time, I will eat healthier and exercise more. But at the same time I am proud of what my body gave me (three babies) and I also have got to an age where if I want to have a glass of wine or a bar of chocolate I am not going to deny myself that for the sake of not putting on weight. Life is too short. xx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 16, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      Life IS too short – you’re right! xx

      Reply
  2. Claire says

    June 16, 2017 at 11:25 am

    Great post as always. I so agree with this: “I don’t mind being bigger if it’s the shape I’m meant to be. But I do mind being bigger if it’s because I’ve put myself last on the list of people to care about.” I was looking after myself before our holiday and felt good, after a holiday blowout I’m finding it hard to get going again and yet I can see the negative effect that eating crap has on myself- I’m so tired and moody all the time. I also loved your tip a few weeks ago about Himalayan Salt. When I sip that each day it makes me have less cravings- I must start again! I love soaking in the Home Bargains Himalayan Salts too! Thanks you warrior woman you! xxx

    Reply
    • Molly says

      June 16, 2017 at 11:33 am

      Himalayan salt is great isn’t it?! I love a good soak in it too. Feels like you’re doing something nice for yourself! x

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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Hello. How are you? . I’ve noticed something th Hello. How are you? 
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I’ve noticed something this lockdown that feels different to first time... the sense of people being more disconnected than ever, more divided, more isolated. 
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Maybe it’s because we’re all on our last nerve now - the loss, sacrifice and stress is amplified that bit more. 
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And we’re so deep in it, often confined in our thoughts at home, our only connection with the outside world via a screen, that it becomes harder to appreciate our differences in circumstances. 
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We forget that we are all just humans muddling through a global pandemic, trying to come out of it alive, with our minds intact and hopefully our jobs too. 
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We’re angry, sad, frustrated, scared. And in the absence of those regular social connections we need a place to direct those feelings. The social media platforms and comments sections on news sites have never been so busy. 
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Except it’s not just faceless people on the internet that we’re upset with anymore. It’s our neighbours, family and friends. 
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Dr Vivek Murthy wrote about the importance of social connections and community in his book Together, pointing out that loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. 
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We are sociable creatures. We need community not just to thrive but to survive. 
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So check in with your friends today. Maybe even send them a voice note. Don’t assume you know how they’re doing based on their latest Facebook post. We need to get through this together, not apart ❤️
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[Image description: Molly is looking at the camera, smiling in a tired, resigned sort of way. She’s outside and is wearing a fantastic hat that her husband says looks like a tea cosy.]
✨Art from @emilycoxhead gorgeous book You Are In ✨Art from @emilycoxhead gorgeous book You Are Incredible Just As You Are✨
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A reminder that loving every bit of ourselves isn’t just about embracing all the parts on the outside, but also about accepting - and maybe even celebrating - the bits on the inside too. 
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I’ll go first: I am a worrier and have a tendency to think deeply on things. If we’ve ever had a disagreement - be it an exchange on Twitter in 2018 or a row in the playground in 1992 you bet I’ve stored that away in my brain ready to ruminate on in the depths of a night when I can’t sleep. 
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But in the spirit of loving every bit of ourselves I say that rather than looking at these parts of ourselves as “flaws”, we choose instead to view them with loving kindness and a heavy dose of self-compassion. 
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I worry because I am sensitive, and I care. This sometimes means I’m more vulnerable to allowing others’ opinions of me have too much power... but it also means I feel remorse when I make mistakes and try my very best to learn from them. 
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And this also means I work hard in everything I do because I genuinely care about doing a good job. Meanwhile, my tendency to think deeply on stuff means I’m able to see the nuance in things and appreciate other perspectives, because as I grasp for an answer I often find two things can be true at the same time. 
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These are not traits I would view as “pathetic” or “needy” or “indecisive” in my kids and I would never tell them to “just get over it”, so I’m trying to remember this for myself too.
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Tell me, what parts of the inner you are you working on learning to love? 
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[Image description: A double page spread from Emily Coxhead’s book You Are Incredible. It’s a yellow page with a red heart and white writing which reads “Here’s to loving every bit of you.”]
Let’s talk joyful movement and.... PRIVILEGE! A Let’s talk joyful movement and.... PRIVILEGE! A nice juicy subject for a Thursday evening 😅
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I absolutely love to see the narrative shift (albeit ever so slightly) to the intrinsic benefits of movement. The focus on intuitive movement and moving our bodies for how it makes us FEEL over how it makes us LOOK brings me huge happiness. 
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BUT... even when we take movement away from a diet culture context, I still think there’s often a lack of acknowledgment of the many barriers preventing people engaging in movement in the first place (hot tip: it’s not “just cos they’re lazy” 🙄). 
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When it comes to my own family - here are some of the privileges we live with which make movement easier for us: 
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✨ We live in an area with access to lots of safe green spaces to play and walk.
✨ We can afford to pay for a gym membership, and extra curricular activities for the kids like gymnastics, Street Dance and swimming.
✨ We have access to the technology needed to take part in online classes over lockdown.
✨ We are non-disabled so experience no physical access issues preventing us from joining in with these activities. 
✨ Our work schedule allows us to get out together during daylight hours. 
✨ None of us lives with a mental health condition which might make getting outside / engaging in movement really hard or even impossible.
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Kids access to movement is not equal so if we really care about encouraging more children to move then, as a nation, we need to level the playing field (pun intended). 
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Some accounts which often discuss movement and privilege: @thephitcoach @amysnellingpt @theaishanash ❤️
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[Image description: Molly and her two daughters standing on top of a hill smiling, with their arms in the air.]
It’s pretty well accepted that certain “fad di It’s pretty well accepted that certain “fad diets” are not the one. But if our definition of diet culture stops there, and we fail to see how diet culture IS fatphobic in its very nature - and that it absolutely depends on a collective cultural fear and vilification of fatness then we’ll never get anywhere with tearing it down.
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Dressing up fatphobia as “health concern”, or “tough love” or “helping people” is just a fluffy way of saying you don’t acknowledge the huge complexity around health, or the many factors that impact weight, or the research showing the harmful (and unhealthy) impact of weight stigma, or the evidence into the long term effectiveness of diets and intentional weight loss. 
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And essentially, those who assert that health only looks one way, and that people have a moral responsibility to prove their health via the shape of their body and not be a “drain on society”, are saying that only people with their version of a “healthy body” are worthy of respect, equality, dignity.
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Children pick up on these messages and learn from an early age that “fat = bad”, and to see some bodies as better, and more deserving of love and respect than others. This could be why we’re seeing a rising number of pre-teens with eating disorders and mental health issues associated with poor body image. 
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Yes we need to lose the fad diets. But we also need to lose the deeper prejudices and anti-fat biases that make them profitable in the first place, otherwise they’ll just continue to show up in different ways, coming in ever more aggressive and insidious ways for our kids.
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(Image description: A yellow slide with multicolour shapes and a screenshot of a tweet overlaid which reads “FYI you can’t be simultaneously anti-diet culture and pro fatphobia. (And yes, fatphobia includes continuously asking “But what about health?” and not listening to the answer...)
You might have missed this in the news over Christ You might have missed this in the news over Christmas. It didn’t get nearly the same amount of coverage as all the diet-related features that are everywhere right now. It was hidden away behind the before and after “amazing weight loss” stories, celeb diet plans and “o*esity causes covid” headlines. But that doesn’t make it any less shocking or heartbreaking. 
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I believe there’s a link between the rise in children being diagnosed with eating disorders and the rise in children suffering poor body image. These issues are fallout from a culture that idolises thinness, vilifies fatness and continually promotes one, narrow, over-simplified version of health. 
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Diet culture is coming increasingly aggressively for children, and the pandemic with the huge mental health toll it’s taken has not helped one bit. We already knew the number of pre-teens diagnosed with anorexia in the last decade had doubled, and it seems the figures are rising even higher. We need change. Fast. 
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Check out the Body Happy Kids resources, workshops and Masterclass and the #FreeFromDiets campaign in my bio, if you want to help change the culture our kids are growing up in. They deserve better.
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[Image description: a section from a news article about rising numbers of children suffering with eating disorders. Full text can be found in Alt Text.]
I’ve been looking a lot at old photos lately. Th I’ve been looking a lot at old photos lately. This pic is from summer 2018, when I could hug my mum and travel abroad on holiday. If I close my eyes I can almost feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, smell the salty sea air and hear the laughter of other families playing on the beach. Holding on to these memories and the hope that the hugs, sunshine and bikinis will come again one day. In the meantime it’s video calls, trackie bottoms and WhatsApp. ❄️☀️ 
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[Image description: Molly and her mum standing on a beach in France, in 2018. They are both wearing brightly coloured bikinis, hugging and smiling. It’s a hot sunny day and the sky is blue.]
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