Monthly Archives: March 2011

Introducing: Week 2

31 Thursday Mar 2011

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It’s that time of the week again. The time when I reluctantly step aside to let someone else take the limelight.

Well, three people to be exact. (Three blogs if you want to get all picky about it.)

If you’re new here, or haven’t been paying attention recently, let me explain. Every Thursday I will unveil three new blogs. These are blogs that have been suggested by you. The idea was borne out of a desire to read new blogs, without trawling through the internet myself. Because, yep, you guessed it, I’m rather lazy.

So, without further ado, I bring to you….

I’m So Fancy

This lady is funny. And when I say funny, I mean hilarious. If you’ve always dreamed of living the high life, this is the place to go. I’ll let Frau Fancy explain herself…

My blog is basically poking fun at the ridiculous life I’ve found myself in, with two toddlers with birthdays only months apart (yep), 4 employees (2 Nannies, a PA and a cleaning lady), and a husband who occasionally confuses his wife with his assistant.

Get to know this lady because she’s going to be hosting Introducing for me while I’m away the week after next. If you’re nice to her she may even feature you.

Beauty Swot

This is the go-to woman for all things beauty related.

She knows everything there is to know about creams and lotions and potions and magic-make-you-beautiful medicine. Seriously though, if you’re stuck for what to get your ma this Mother’s Day, or just want to find an honest review about the latest “must-have” product, this blog is the place to go.

Love Life and Pugs

Essentially a pregnancy blog, with some cute pugs thrown in. But reading it takes me right back to this time last year, when I was huge and fed-up but extremely excited. I defy you to read this blog and not come away smiling. It’s impossible for this mum-to-be’s infectious excitement not to rub off.

 

So, that’s your lot for this week. Hope you enjoy them. Don’t forget, there’s one more week of Introducing here, before it takes a trip over to Frau Fancy’s joint to have a fortnight’s holiday among the rich and famous.

If you want to be featured next week, get in touch. It only takes one email and it could be your name in my limelight. Don’t say I never give you anything.

It’s in the genes

30 Wednesday Mar 2011

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So, it would appear my baby is developing into a bit of an odd-ball.

I keep catching her doing rather strange things. Like popping bits of food into her nappy, in case she gets peckish later on. Or gurning. She loves to gurn.

She’s also taken to falling into an immediate trance at the sight of a lit candle, hippy that she is.

The thing is, I have a feeling this behaviour may develop a little further. I’ll let you into a little secret about me: I was a rather “quirky” child. My mother maintains that I was “weird”, but I prefer “quirky”.

I was a show-off (surprised?!) and loved to dance around in my tutu putting on shows for anyone willing to watch. But I was also a bit sensitive. And when I say sensitive, I mean, well, strange.

I went through a bit of a superstitious phase when I was about seven. It involved puffing my cheeks out like a pig, holding my nose and twirling on the spot. I did it everywhere. Before walking through doors, walking over drains, standing up, sitting down. If it involved moving from one spot to another, I had to do the cheek-puffy-nose-holdy-twirly-thing. And to this day, I have no idea why.

I can vividly remember being with my dad in a busy supermarket and performing my little routine before walking through the automatic doors. I expect he was creased with embarrassment, but I didn’t care. In fact, I thought it was perfectly normal.

It doesn’t end there. I also had imaginary friends. Perfectly normal, I hear you say. But I took it further. My “friends” were actually an imaginary mother and imaginary sister. And their names? Ampy-Soogal and Ampy-Rollo. Again, no idea.

The list is endless, really. I won’t bore you any further. Except to admit one final piece of quirkiness: every Saturday morning while watching Going Live, I blew Phillip Schofield a kiss. Why? Because I thought he was my dad.

Strange child.

Dad

An Introducing Shout Out

29 Tuesday Mar 2011

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Last week saw the inaugural Introducing feature kick off with a bang.

We met:

Dummy Mummy

Justified Design

Cinnamon and Truffle

Now, who would you like to meet this week? If you’re not familiar with the rules, here they are again for you.

Your three new blogs will be unveiled here on Thursday. So what are you waiting for? Get in touch and do my work for me!

By the way, I’m off on holiday for two weeks as of next weekend. Seeing as we are traveling Super Super economy, I’m pretty sure I’m banned from filling up our entire baggage allowance with a laptop.

So that means no Introducing for two weeks. Unless one of you lovely lot wishes to host it for me? It would mean doing the oh-so-draining job of reading some magnificent blogs and then bringing them to everyone else for two Thursdays in a row.

If you fancy it, get in touch: [email protected]

The Gallery: Hair

29 Tuesday Mar 2011

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I miss my hair straighteners.

Or rather, I miss having the time to spend half an hour using them. Having a baby has meant, for me, hair preening has pretty much gone out of the window.

I left it nearly nine months to get my roots done. I permanently have a bit of frizz around my fringe area. Not dissimilar, then, to the look I sported during my first year at university eight years ago:

Bad hair

But while I mourn the loss of my straight hair, spare a thought for my baby.

She is now nine months and has only the faintest wisp of hair on her beautiful head. But at least she has some now.

It was touch and go at one point. She came out balder than the man who used to present Crystal Maze. And that leads me nicely to my entry for this week’s Gallery. Meet Frog, five minutes old. And hairless:

 

Bald Frog

To see the other entries in the Gallery this week head over to Sticky Fingers.

Let me take you a on a journey through time and space

29 Tuesday Mar 2011

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There are so many places I’d like to travel to, but can’t.

Alas, lack of money and a baby mean backpacking around Vietnam and diving in Costa Rica are probably off the cards for the time being.

But it’s OK. Because, yet again, Kate at Kate Takes 5 has saved the day.

No, she’s not paying for me to go on a Round The World trip (but Kate, if you’re reading this, I’d be more than happy to go if you’re offering). She’s giving me the excuse to dream about time travelling in this week’s Listography.

I’ve always been a Back to the Future fan (“Great Scott!” anyone?) so this week’s theme is right up my street…

1. Derby, circa 1960

I’d really like to find out if my mum was the goodie two-shoes she’d have me believe. Or if, as I rather suspect, she was a bit of a mischief maker. I must have got it from somewhere, mustn’t I?

2. Bristol, circa 1994

Seeing as no one else bothered to do me the favour, I’d like to go back and tell an 11 year old me not to get that ridiculous cheese wedge haircut. I think my first year at secondary school would have been a much happier one without that fashion faux pas.

3. Somewhere, 2016

It’s no secret I’m a bit of a worry wart. Looking back at all the things I’ve worried about over the years, I think if I could have just seen into the future I would have relaxed. Because it always turns out OK in the end. But I’d just like to travel five years into the future from now, to check that it will, indeed, all be OK in the end. (Not that I’m planning The End to be in five years, I’m rather hoping to hang on a bit longer if possible. But you get what I’m driving at, don’t you?)

4.Berkshire, 7th October 2010

A predictable one, I know. But who can blame me for wanting to go back in time and reveal the Euromillions winning numbers to myself. Two weeks after this date, the real winner came forward to scoop £113 million. The biggest win in UK history. Oh, it could have been me…

5. Hampshire, circa 1795

As an English Lit graduate, I have a bit of a thing for Jane Austen. I’d love to meet the woman in person. And, not that I’m shallow or anything, but I bet those empire line dresses were rather flattering.

So, that’s me done. I’m sure I could have come up with some more inventive places to travel to, but the lurgy’s still lurking, so these will have to do. If I’ve disappointed you, pop over to Kate Takes 5 to see what is bound to be many a list that will beat mine hands down.

Sick note

28 Monday Mar 2011

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I’ve got the lurgy.

Nothing too traumatic, I’ll survive. But it’s days like today when I wish I could get a sick note and have the day off.

Lesson #43: there are no sick days when you have a baby.

It makes me realise what a tough nut my mum is. The only time I ever remember her being poorly was when she came off her bike and fractured her pelvis. I can clearly see her lying on the floor in the living room, with just her feet poking out from behind the sofa.

Apparently it was the only place she could get comfortable as she couldn’t make it up the stairs. But I have my suspicions she was trying to find a hiding place from my sister and I. I’m not sure our constant cartwheels and requests of “Can I bandage your leg, mum?” were particularly helpful.

Anyway, I’m off to recline on the sofa and put a cold compress to my brow.  I have a feeling, though, that as soon as I get comfortable, Frog will wake up and demand something or other. Oh well, at least she can’t do cartwheels yet.

Ooh, get me

24 Thursday Mar 2011

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I’m a little stunned. And rather smug.

I’ve been wandering around the house all evening demanding everyone ask for my autograph. But seeing as I only live with one man and one baby, I haven’t signed as many as I’d have liked.

The reason for my decision to thrust pieces of paper at my family and start wearing sunglasses indoors? I’ve won an award.

The lovely Deb at Making Life More Beautiful has awarded me with the Kreativ Blogger award.

I’d love to bang on and on with a lengthy acceptance speech. But alas, this award comes with rules.

These are:

1)      Link 10 blogs 2) Tell these bloggers about the award 3) Write 10 facts about yourself.

So here goes…

1)      I like Take That and LOVE Gary Barlow.

So much so, that when I saw them live in 2009 I burst into tears when they appeared on stage. Much to the amusement of my sister and the (self proclaimed) Northern Love Machine. What can I say? It was an emotional time for me.

2)      I’m scared of, and a little obsessed with sharks.

My favourite documentaries are ones about sharks. But I’ve never been able to watch Jaws all the way through. Far too scary. I have, however, dived with sharks. But they were only wimpy little ones in Thailand. Not the real deal like this fella…

3)      The midwife who delivered Frog was called April.

I know this because the only thing I can really remember about the whole horrendous experience was moaning “I love April, good old April, she’s the best”…

4)      I once found myself naked in front of five firemen.

In my bedroom. But not in a kinky way. I’m saving the rest for another blog post. Suffice to say if you think the lolling breast episode was embarrassing, this beats it hands down.

5)      When I was around seven, I went through a superstitious faze.

This involved having to do a very odd little thing before either walking through a door or walking down the road. I puffed out my cheeks, held my nose and twirled on the spot. No idea why. I just did. It was my thing.

6)      I have hairy toes.

But you know this already.

7)      I rather like Poirot.

And Midsummer Murders. And any murder mystery type thing really. It may not be the coolest but I can’t help it.

8)      I went to two universities.

Ooh, get me with my varied education. Alas, I don’t have a PHD. I have a degree in English Literature and a Postgraduate Diploma in Broadcast Journalism (for which I received a distinction. Not so thick now eh?).

9)      I once read the news in my bra outside a shopping centre.

Photographic evidence that I’m not actually lying:

10)  I love prawns.

Add an avocado and I’m yours. I can’t help it, I like 70s food. Yum.

 

It’s now my turn to share the award (feel free to roll out a red carpet and demand wine be brought to you on a silver platter)….

Kate Takes 5

The Crazy Kitchen

Dummy Mummy

Northern Mummy with Southern Children

Manana Mama

Mummy from the Heart

Waterbirth Please

Ghostwriter Mummy

Circus Queen

Nimble Fingers Steady Eyebrows

 

Introducing: The beginning

24 Thursday Mar 2011

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As much as I love the limelight, I accept that I can’t hog it all of the time.

So I’ve decided to run a weekly feature here called Introducing.

This is my chance to step backstage and open the curtains for three new blogs every week. I’ll be taking recommendations from you every Tuesday and the three blogs I pick will feature here every Thursday.

The rules are, there are no rules. You don’t have to be a parent blogger. You don’t even have to write. Your blog might be about photography, food, art – or, like me, it might be about dirty nappies and postnatal incontinence. Up to you.

Just email me at [email protected] and send me your suggestions.

So, for our first week of Introducing, I bring to you:

Dummy Mummy

Like me, Dummy Mummy is a first time mum. And like me, she has a baby. Also like me, she doesn’t pretend to have the foggiest notion of what she is doing half the time. Which is why I rather like her. It’s worth reading her blog just to find out others are in the same boat. And to read her fantastically honest description of sleep training.

Justified Design

A blog all about creativity. If you’re suffering from writer’s block or just need a space to pick up some inspiration and encouragement, this is the place to go.

Cinnamon and Truffle

A yummy foodie blog that always leaves me hungry. And insanely jealous. If, like me, you can’t afford to travel round the world and eat in top restaurants, you can live vicariously through this blog. Mmmmmm…not good for the diet though.

 

NOTE: If you are feeling particularly generous then I’d love a hand making a badge / icon thing for this regular feature. You may have noticed by now that I’m a technical dunce so I need all the help I can get. *desperate plea over*

The perils of postnatal exercise: Part IV

23 Wednesday Mar 2011

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Everything hurts.

From my hairy toes up to my double chin, my body is on fire (and not in a sexy way).

So, for those of you who are new here, I will elaborate. Five weeks ago, in a fit of I’m so fat I need to lose my baby bulge desperation, I signed up to Bootcamp. And instantly regretted it. But I’d already parted with my money and, because the (self proclaimed) Northern Love Machine made a bet that I wouldn’t stick it, I’ve carried on.

And boy was that a mistake.

Tonight consisted of running around a room, stopping, and then running again. We also practiced a new form of torture called The Plank. Yes, it is as scary as it sounds. And we did terrifying exercises with weights. Not to mention the press-ups and tricep dips. Oh, and the running. Did I tell you about the running?

That was my downfall. I hate running. I hate it even more after tonight. After last week’s flatulent car thief episode, I was aiming to keep a low profile. But the running put paid to that.

It was when we started to jog that I felt a pain in my boob. That was when I realised that in my haste to breastfeed the baby, put her to bed and get out of the door on time, I’d forgotten to do up my milk bra. (I believe the correct term is “nursing” bra, but you get the idea).

Before you question why I wasn’t wearing a sports bra, I will tell you: I don’t have one. Nor does any half sane person I know. Who actually has underwear specifically for sporting activities? Really? And anyway, aren’t milk bras pretty similar? They’re massive and particularly unflattering.

Clearly not. As milk bras undo like this:

So, imagine a woman running around a room, with one full breast lolling about in front of her, clearly visible through her thin T’shirt. Then imagine said woman galloping around in a circle of fifteen others, facing inwards, trying to discreetly tuck the stray lolloping breast away without drawing too much attention to herself or flashing to the entire circle.

Yep, it’s impossible. I am now a hairy toed, pants-wetting, flatulent car thief with a penchant for flashing one full breast at anyone unlucky enough to be looking.

Watch out Katie Price, that’s all I’ll say on the matter.