Bad weeks happen. But when they happen to your best friend, you may be stumped on how to help them get through the yuck.
Your reaction isn’t unusual. Even if you’ve been friends with someone forever, you can’t always know intuitively what to do in a difficult circumstance. Many people experience a sense of helplessness when they’re trying to support friends who are going through a period of hopelessness.
For instance, you may encounter initial resistance if you simply ask your friend what you can do. Plenty of people have trained themselves to think that accepting assistance is a sign of failure. Consequently, when you make offers to “do something” for a friend, they feel ashamed to say yes and build up a psychological wall of resistance.
Even if your friend is open to your help, you may still find it difficult to know what to do for them, given that every situation and person is different. That’s why it’s good to have a ready-to-go toolkit of creative solutions at your disposal.
1. Send a spontaneous dose of love
You’re living at a time when it’s never been easier to send presents quickly to the people in your life. As long as you know your friend’s address, you can easily scroll through sites that offer sympathy care packages.
The type of package you choose can frequently be customized to the personality and preferences of your BFF. For example, you might want your comfort delivery to include a unique assortment of nourishing (and nurturing) food like soups, homemade rolls, side dishes and desserts.
Sending meals and nibbles can be especially convenient if you’re not living close to a friend who’s in need. Basically, your special gift box will serve as a long-distance hug.
2. Plan a surprise face-to-face visit
Along the same vein, you could always plan a special visit to see your friend. Maybe you’ve been wishing you had an excuse to get together anyway. This could be the perfect moment to take a long drive or jump on a plane and use some of your built-up points.
There’s one catch, though: Unless you live in the same area, you’ll probably want to make sure your friend knows you’re coming. Arriving without notice could be awkward for you both. (Your friend might feel the need to entertain you, which could be overwhelming.)
With this in mind, come up with a few possible dates for a visit (whether it’s long or short) based on your availability. Then, ask your friend if any would work. Though your get-together won’t be a surprise, you’ll make sure it doesn’t cause any friction for your best pal.
3. Balance the tone of your communications
When you first find out your friend has hit a rough patch, you may be tempted to send a flurry of texts and make calls every day. This is a natural instinct, but be certain to vary your communication content and frequency, just to mix up your tone.
Why mix it up? Your friend might find it hard to respond if you’re always just texting a variation on: “How are you doing?” Yes, you’re checking in — but you’re making your friend’s bad week the center of all your messages.
Instead of focusing on the negative stuff happening, send a funny video or silly image. Or, ask for advice on a low-stakes event in your life. TLDR: Keep the airwaves open between you and your friend but resist centering every interaction on heavy topics.
4. Throw them a lifeline
Picking up the slack for a friend thrust into a hectic mess can turn you into a true hero. By taking on a chore or two, you can relieve your pal of the stressors of everyday responsibilities. Plus, you don’t have to go to extremes to help your friend make a dent in their daily chores.
What are some common tasks you could handle? Walking their pooch at night. Taking their kids to soccer practice. Dropping off some milk and fresh fruit. Whatever makes sense for them and you can absorb into your own routine.
These may seem like little actions, but they can add up to a hearty dose of care. They also show your empathy. Just be very specific when taking this step so your friend can just accept without having to do any heavy lifting.
5. Encourage them to embrace self-care
The practice of self-care can fly out the window in times of stress. Even if your friend is one of the 32% of Americans who practice self-care regularly, they may fall away from the practice during stressful moments. That’s when a nudge from you could be helpful.
Obviously, you don’t want to harp on them about taking care of their mental and physical wellbeing. Nevertheless, you can encourage them to stop for a few moments and just breathe.
If their bad week extends into several weeks and they can’t seem to get out of a tailspin, you might want to ask if they have any mental health benefits through their work. Their company may provide a free employee assistance program (EAP) that includes talk therapy.
When your friend’s stressed out, you want to do what you can to get their life back to normal. Fortunately, you have several options at your disposal to help your friend reclaim their much-deserved happiness.
