Motherhood is often described as a full-time job—and rightly so. From early morning wake-ups to last-minute school projects, from planning meals to soothing meltdowns, moms are always “on.” Yet, in the whirlwind of caregiving, one essential truth is often forgotten: you matter, too.
Making space for yourself as a mom isn’t selfish; it’s essential. But carving out that time often brings a familiar companion—guilt. “Am I doing enough?” “Shouldn’t I be spending this time with the kids?” These thoughts creep in just as you’re about to enjoy five minutes of silence or a hot bath. It’s time we rewrite the narrative: prioritizing your well-being makes you a more present, patient, and powerful parent.
Redefine What Self-Care Means to You
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and spa days. For some, it’s ten quiet minutes with a coffee before the house wakes up. For others, saying no to a playdate feels more draining than delightful. Start by defining what recharges you.
Tip: Create a “self-care menu” with small, medium, and larger actions. Examples:
- Small: Listening to your favorite song with noise-canceling headphones.
- Medium: A weekly yoga class or creative hobby session.
- Large: An afternoon away, guilt-free, or a solo overnight trip.
And remember, self-care can change with the seasons of motherhood. What nourishes you with a newborn might not serve you when your kids are older—and that’s okay. Keep updating your needs, just like you do theirs.
Build Micro-Moments Into Your Day
Moms often wait for the “right time” to relax, which rarely comes. Instead, think in micro-moments: a five-minute stretch while the pasta boils, deep breathing at red lights, reading a single page of a book before bed. If you can’t find an hour, find a moment. String enough of them together, and they’ll start to replenish you.
Micro-moments are also a powerful antidote to burnout. The more we practice presence in small ways, the easier it becomes to stay grounded during chaos. Start seeing these slivers of time not as leftovers but as vital resets.
Ask for (and Accept) Help—Without the Apology
Many moms feel they need permission to rest or take time away. That mindset needs to change. Start delegating more often, even if it’s not done “your way.” Whether it’s a partner, a grandparent, or a trusted neighbor, letting someone else step in doesn’t make you less of a mom—it makes you a more sustainable one. Don’t cushion the ask with guilt. Try this instead of “Sorry, can you help?”: “Would you take the kids for an hour? I need a break to recharge.”
Also, don’t forget to extend help to yourself. Ordering takeout instead of cooking dinner? That’s help. Putting the baby in a bouncer so you can drink a hot coffee? Help again. Don’t downplay the small ways you show up for your own sanity.
Reclaim Your Evenings
Evenings can feel like a dead zone—when energy is low, but the to-do list still looms. Try reclaiming even 30 minutes of that time just for you. Ban chores. Ban screens (unless you genuinely love your show). Do something that reconnects you to yourself—not just as a mom, but as a human. And yes, this could mean soaking in hot tubs if that’s your thing. The warm water, quiet, and lack of “Mommy, look!” is a sanctuary. If you don’t have access to one, consider occasionally booking a local day spa or wellness center as a treat. Hot tubs aren’t just luxury; they’re therapy wrapped in bubbles.
Reclaiming your evening doesn’t require a grand ritual. Even dimming the lights, lighting a candle, and doing gentle stretches can signal to your nervous system that the day is done and you are allowed to rest.
Model What Self-Respect Looks Like
When your children see you prioritizing your needs, they learn that everyone’s needs matter—including theirs. You’re not just modeling self-care; you’re modeling self-respect, healthy boundaries, and emotional regulation. Tell your kids, “Mom needs quiet minutes to feel better. I’ll be back soon.” It’s a powerful message: I love you, but I love myself, too. Children raised by parents who show emotional awareness often grow into adults who do the same. By witnessing your intentional pauses, they internalize that rest isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.
Design a Guilt-Free Zone
What triggers your guilt the most? Is it time spent away? Money spent on yourself? The fear of missing something? Create a mental (or even physical) “guilt-free zone”—a space or time where guilt is off-limits. Journal, meditate, or remind yourself: “Rest is not a reward. It’s a right.”
If necessary, use affirmations:
- “My needs are valid.”
- “It’s okay to put myself on the list.”
- “I’m a better mom when I’m a better me.”
You can even set a reminder on your phone with your favorite affirmation or hang it on your mirror where you’ll see it daily. Let it serve as your permission slip, which you signed.
Invest in What Sustains You
This doesn’t always mean enormous expenditures. But sometimes, it does mean permitting yourself to invest in things that improve your well-being. Whether it’s upgrading your sleep situation, hiring a babysitter once a week, or—yes—installing a backyard hot tub for nightly peace, these are not indulgences. They are maintenance for the long haul. Because let’s be honest: a mom who’s well-rested, relaxed, and feeling like herself is a force to be reckoned with.
Think of it this way: if your phone needed charging, you wouldn’t hesitate to plug it in. Why do we hesitate to recharge ourselves? You deserve the same kind of care you so willingly give to others.
